I'm really upset...

[writer1037]

Stranger,

Sorry to hear your hubby's being that way. My wife isn't crazy about my family, and she comes up with a lot of excuses not to see them. It puts me in a bad situation with my family, so I end up making excuses why we can't see them.

I wish I had some good advice to give you, but I'm having a hard time coming up with any, other than go and try to have a good time. When you get back, you might try dealing with some of the underlying issues of why he won't see your family so the next time there's an opportunity he won't act the same way. If he won't change, and if seeing your family is really important, I guess you have some choices to make.

Good luck,

Taylor

 

[Weird Harold]

Oh well. Wouldn't be any fun to try to make him. To be honest, I'll probably have more fun without him.

For some real fun, invite everyone to stop by and visit on their way home so they can meet "the mighty fisherman." You can tell him it's a scientific experiment to find out if the adage "guests and fish start to stink after three days."

 

[miles]

Don't ever believe anyone who tells you how you should feel.

 

[ksmybuttons]

Don't ever believe anyone who tells you how you should feel.

Good answer, Miles.


I hope you can have a good time at the reunion, pls. I always enjoy chatting and catching up when I see my family...

 

[jamjunior]

...and my husband says I have no reason to be. He says my feelings can be hurt, fine, but I shouldn't be mad. What do you think?

Ohhhh, you should never ask me what I think. I just may tell you.

I met a guy and fell in love, and a year later we were married. For assorted reasons, none of my extended family members were able to make it to the wedding. My mom and dad and brothers were there, and a couple of aunts who live in Montana, but no one else.
I was sad, of course, that I wouldn't be able to share the day with them, but I got over it. No resentment or anything. Making it to the wedding meant trekking from the far corners, including Washington, Florida and California. For different reasons, it just wasn't possible for them to make it.

He is dead wrong. This may seem old fashioned to many readers, BUT THE WEDDING DAY IS FOR THE BRIDE!!!!!!! He doesn't have the right to be hurt, he wasn't the one offended, you were. If he wan't to feel offended with you, that is o.k., but the offence wasn't to him, it was to you; and if you aren't mad, then he shouldn't be either.

(In fact, his mother didn't make it, she sent us a big wad of cash instead...but that's a whole other story, one that involves not wanting to run into his dad, lol.)

Which begs an interesting question. Has he forgiven her? If so, why? Is it because of the money or because she is family? Did your relatives who didn't come at least send a card? If he has forgiven his mother, but not your family, there seems to be some inconsistency in his logic. If you are family, then your family is family, and he should forgive them.

If he hasn't forgiven his mother, then he's just a jerk, and I wish I could come to Montana and give you a big hug and make everything better.

....My mom tried to talk him into it, I tried to talk him into it, he won't come. He says he has two reasons.
The first is that this has been a really busy month and this is the only chance he has to go fishing. What ever.

Too busy!?! I don't care what the excuse is. I need to go fishing, I need to wash my hair, I need to pick my head out of my ass; it doesn't matter. A man of character makes time, even if the others didn't.

Picture this "I can't pick up the kids honey, I've had a busy week." "I can't go to the recital honey, the fish are biting."

The second is that, as he says, my family doesn't care about meeting him, so he doesn't care about meeting them. He says they would have made it to our wedding if they cared.

Again, a man of character....

For starters, it is really hurtful for him to say that my family doesn't care about us...for another thing, it's family! So what, even if you were upset about that, you get over it and move on with life. You can't hold a grudge for the rest of your life against family. Right?
What do you guys think? Am I unreasonable for being upset?
If not, how can I convince him how important this is to me?

Is there a man in his life that he respects. His father, a pastor, a boss at work, a best friend? Find this person, and convince them to tell him he is being a jerk. He needs to suck it up, do this because he is your husband. Don't you do it! You would just be the nagging, overbearing, smothering wife.

Let's just say he hasn't made a very good first impression on me. I hope things work out for you.


Oh, and if anyone wants to complain about this message length, I am allowed 250,000 characters, this is only 3685 characters long.

Jeff