I'm only doing this...

[ABSTRUSE]

Sher's geisha name is Ichicrackole.

 

[impressive]

Did you really????

Almost. Laughed my way to the bathroom. Made it on time.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Almost. Laughed my way to the bathroom. Made it on time.

My computer is in the bathroom, saves me uneccessary steps.

 

[Guest]

... because there's an awful lot of people who are going through shit at the moment, and I wanted to give you all something to laugh at it.

It doesn't cast me in a particularly glamorous light; but to be honest nothing does these days, so I don't have anything to lose.

I've only shared this with one close confidant so far, so you should all consider yourselves honoured.

Subtitle of the Story:
Always be careful with home remedies

When I first got sick I had to go on antibiotics for ages. I did as the doctor advised and bought lots of pro-biotic yogurt drinks... but it didn't make any difference - I still came down with thrush.

It was the first time it had ever happened to me and I was horrified. I should have gone straight out and stocked up on Canesten, but instead I crossed my fingers and my legs and hoped it would go away.

The problem with Canesten is that you can't just pick it up off the shelf - you have to actually ask for it over the counter. In other words, pour out your intimate problems to a complete and utter stranger and whoever happens to be standing behind you in the queue.

By the third day, though, I couldn't hack it anymore. The itching had become so bad that I was coming dangerously close to sticking the toilet brush all the way inside me and having the scratching session of my life.

It took me until eight o'clock that night to work up the courage to go to the supermarket pharmacy and get the Canesten... but by that time, it turned out that the pharmacy section was shut.

I very nearly flung myself on the floor in the middle of the car park to have a screaming session, but instead I decided to look up some home remedies on the internet.

The most promising one I came across involved dousing a tampon in tea tree oil, and inserting it. While I was trawling I'd also read that sometimes the yeast infection can spread across the surrounding skin, so just for good measure, after inserting the tampon I splashed my entire pussy with it...

... then got into bed to read Sherlock Holmes.

About halfway down the second page I leapt about a metre into the air. I was suddenly experiencing the most awful, indescribable burning/itching sensation bof my life. It was so bad that I had to almost crawl down the stairs to the bathroom, with both hands gripped my pussy hard.

I ripped out the tampon, tried to rinse off the excess tea tree oil with the shower head, and pretty much danced for the next ten minutes. But it wasn't all that effective.

I ended up lying on my bed with my legs spread wide, holding ice cubes to my pussy until the early hours.

Never, ever, ever, ever again.

Saying that, though, it definitely cured it. In fact, I think it killed off just about every living cell I have down there.

So there's a lesson for you all - always be careful with home remedies.

LOL.... message from Axxe: The tea tree oil is a solution.... one part tea tree to 10 parts water, still effective without peeling off ten layers of skin.

He tells me this after I just spent the last ten minutes telling him this on the phone and laughing between sentences.

 

[scheherazade_79]

My computer is in the bathroom, saves me uneccessary steps.

That's quite wise as you get older and your pelvic floor muscles start going Call me itchicrackhole again and I'll kick your arse!

 

[scheherazade_79]

LOL.... message from Axxe: The tea tree oil is a solution.... one part tea tree to 10 parts water, still effective without peeling off ten layers of skin.

He tells me this after I just spent the last ten minutes telling him this on the phone and laughing between sentences.

Who's Axxe?

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

I was already laughing out loud at just the title of another thread: "Eat my shit, fucker!"

 

[ABSTRUSE]

That's quite wise as you get older and your pelvic floor muscles start going Call me itchicrackhole again and I'll kick your arse!

Who, you and your army of diaperwearing crotch grabbing welsh gnomes?

 

[scheherazade_79]

Who, you and your army of diaperwearing crotch grabbing welsh gnomes?

Be afraid - be very afraid... I've given Mat temporary Welsh citizenship so that I can put her in the front line

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Be afraid - be very afraid... I've given Mat temporary Welsh citizenship so that I can put her in the front line

I don't have to kick your ass now, she will.

 

[scheherazade_79]

I don't have to kick your ass now, she will.

* Sigh * I know... I think maybe I'm going to take a walk before it all kicks off. Catch you later

 

[ABSTRUSE]

* Sigh * I know... I think maybe I'm going to take a walk before it all kicks off. Catch you later

Watch where you step.

 

[scheherazade_79]

Epilogue

I went for my walk, and just as a cloud slipped over the moon and the field was cloaked in darkness, she leapt out from behind the bushes...

I put up a valiant fight, but alas, I was no match for her wit and razor tongue.

I sit at my computer, bleeding.

Ready for Round Two, bitch?

 

[kendo1]

And there was me thinking it was something serious.
If you need a hand with the ice cubes, give me a ring. I can be there in three days.


*Zooms down the M6*

Good to see you back on your feet.


Ken

 

[TheEarl]

<wanders in>

Interesting.

<wanders out>

The Earl

 

[minsue]

I don't have to kick your ass now, she will.

. .

 

[scheherazade_79]

. .

Shhh! There's no need to draw attention to that part of the thread! I'd probably have got away with it if you hadn't zoomed in on it. Just wait til September...

 

[scheherazade_79]

<wanders in>

Interesting.

<wanders out>

The Earl

I think I managed to scare all the guys away!

 

[matriarch]

Be afraid - be very afraid... I've given Mat temporary Welsh citizenship so that I can put her in the front line

Oh.....when did that happen? I never felt a thing.

 

[scheherazade_79]

And there was me thinking it was something serious.
If you need a hand with the ice cubes, give me a ring. I can be there in three days.


*Zooms down the M6*

Good to see you back on your feet.


Ken

Apart from this one!

 

[matriarch]

Shhh! There's no need to draw attention to that part of the thread! I'd probably have got away with it if you hadn't zoomed in on it. Just wait til September...

Not at all, I just found it.
Baggage!

 

[scheherazade_79]

Oh.....when did that happen? I never felt a thing.

It was that wonderful, warm, golden light that spread over your consciousness - the moment of realisation that maybe you didn't have to be English after all

 

[scheherazade_79]

Not at all, I just found it.
Baggage!

 

[matriarch]

It was that wonderful, warm, golden light that spread over your consciousness - the moment of realisation that maybe you didn't have to be English after all

But....but.....but...........I thought that glow was..... ......and anyways, I LIKE being English.

 

[frozen_north]

Ladies, ladies; peace. Do we need to get the UN in here to inspect for weapons of mass distraction?
BTW, You ARE scaring away all us guys.