I'm new here ... Humor me.

[Dietrich K.]

So ...

Having been a fan of Literotica for a while now, I figured it would be time to jump into the pool, so to speak.

But, as I'm active at another MB as well, I know the general trend for newbies is to either come on too strong and scare everyone off or to sit around with your thumb up your butt unsure of exacty how to introduce yourself.

So, we'll start with the mundane, I guess. I'm 47 years old in two weeks, male, horny (kinda goes without saying, huh?) I'm currently going through a divorce since my beloved wife has found someone else (bummer.) I make price stickers for a living. Yes, strange but true.

To be honest except for a few fairly exciting flare-ups, I haven't had much of a sex life. Maybe that's why I came here hoping things would turn around. I suppose sexually I would describe myself as straight with a bit of bi-curiosity. Well dammit Jim, I'm getting to the point in my life where I'm tired of waiting for the rest of my life to happen and am pretty much ready to try anything before the wanger wilts away.

I'm not sure how often I'll be posting here, but I am looking for new friends so we'll see how it goes. (Not that you should be THAT overawed to have my presence.)

That being said, and in a blatant attempt to get to know some of you and vice versa ... whatchoo wanna know about me?

 

[Wiggles]

Welcome to Lit!

What kind of undies are ya' sportin?

 

[Linedrive]

...rides in on a unicycle while juggling flaming torches

Amusing enough...?

 

[Saint Peter]

Run while you still can.

 

[bluemuse]

No.....your job is to humor us.

Get busy.

 

[Dietrich K.]

What kind of undies are ya' sportin?

Hiya!

Right now I'm sporting these perfectly awful and uncomfortable boxer/brief combination doofus type things which my s.t.b.x.w. thought would be just marvellous I'm only wearing them because I haven't done the wash yet and they're blessedly clean.

 

[Olivianna]

To be honest except for a few fairly exciting flare-ups, I haven't had much of a sex life.

Woh. That's the first time I've ever heard Herpes spoken of in those terms.

 

[Dietrich K.]

No.....your job is to humor us.

Get busy.

Ah ... okay ...

So ... a priest, a rabbi, and a bishop go into a bar ...

Um, sorry ... I've been up since 3:30 this morning and that was my best pathetic shot.

 

[Dietrich K.]

Re: Re: I'm new here ... Humor me.

Woh. That's the first time I've ever heard Herpes spoken of in those terms.

Well, I wasn't going to mention the herpes until we got to know each other better ...

 

[LukkyKnight]

Welcome - if you don't have nude pics you damn sure better have brought along an attractive friend.

Click here to share this site with a friend. (in case you DIDN'T bring along a friend yet...)

 

[acitore_vuli]

.

 

[SpiceCake]

Welcome to Lit!!

Now hurry and make 100 posts so we can see how fuckable your AV is!

 

[bluemuse]

Ah ... okay ...

So ... a priest, a rabbi, and a bishop go into a bar ...

Um, sorry ... I've been up since 3:30 this morning and that was my best pathetic shot.

*sigh* Howcome I can never get the newbies to mind me???? Am I an inneffective parent?

Welcome to Lit, darlin. Be afraid.

 

[Dietrich K.]

Up since 3:30? Herpes flairup again?

Had to work.

Honestly, I think I would have preferred the herpes.

 

[Olivianna]

Re: Re: Re: I'm new here ... Humor me.

Well, I wasn't going to mention the herpes until we got to know each other better ...

It's ok. Open up...tell us more about yourself. We're an understanding bunch. Post embarrassing pictures of yourself. Welcome.

 

[Eumenides]

Re: Re: I'm new here ... Humor me.

Woh. That's the first time I've ever heard Herpes spoken of in those terms.

Cola spewage on my puter.

LMAO

You rox my sox!

 

[Dietrich K.]

Welcome to Lit!!

Now hurry and make 100 posts so we can see how fuckable your AV is!

Okay, now here's a question which I'm sure you've answered hundreds of times before and are probably getting tired of, but like I said ... humor me. Or spank me silly ... you're choice.

What's an AV?

 

[SpiceCake]

Okay, now here's a question which I'm sure you've answered hundreds of times before and are probably getting tired of, but like I said ... humor me. Or spank me silly ... you're choice.

What's an AV?

Your Av is the picture underneath your login name. And I prefer to spank you silly!

 

[Dietrich K.]

Your Av is the picture underneath your login name. And I prefer to spank you silly!

Woo! Best offer I've had all day!

I am now going to take the kids swimming. Be back later with more answers to everything you ever wanted to know.

 

[Soblue]

Hey, nice to meet you dude. New people with a sense of humor are always a pleasure to meet

 

[Aphrodisiac]

Dietrich K.


Hi , and welcome to Lit.
I am sure you are going to meet some very interesting people and have fun at the same time.

Uh ... price stickers ??

 

[bluemuse]

Oh...I forgot to mention that you should ignore all the PMs that you are going to get, telling you that I can't be trusted.

 

[PepperminTrish]

Welcome to Lit!!

Now hurry and make 100 posts so we can see how fuckable your AV is!

Never mind the 100 posts and AV, just post pics of yourself so we can tell you how fuckable YOU are.


Welcome to Lit.

 

[sch00lteacher]

How do you keep a dog from crossing the road?
You put him in a barking lot.

Why did the pigs cross the road with their laundry?
They wanted to do their hogwash.

Did you hear about the two kangaroos who crossed the road?
They jumped into each other's pouches and were never seen again.

Why did the one-handed gorilla cross the road?
To get to the secondhand shop.

What do you call a chicken that crosses the road without looking both ways?
Dead.

Why did the frogs cross the road?
To ge a croak-a-cola.

Why did the rabbit cross the road?
To get to the hopping mall.

Why did the wasp cross the road?
It needed to go to the waspital.

Why did the hen go halfway across the road and stop?
She wanted to lay it on the line.

Why did the sheep cross the road?
He needed to go to the baabaa shop.

Welcome aboard, hello, hi and hey. Take your time and get to know who is who. It will help in the long run. Some of the people here are fucking crazy. Some will fight you no matter what you said. But most are just normal people who have one or two screws loose.

Have fun.

 

[Dietrich K.]

Uh ... price stickers ??

Yes, price stickers. I work for a company that makes thermal printers and I print the media that goes with them. Mostly price stickers. Ever been to Toys R Us and seen the little blue and yellow stickers they put on their shelves? Those are mine!