I'm in NEED of Ideas

[suckinhon]

Hi,

I am a 27 year old woman and I have been married 5 years now. My marriage has started to get a bit stale and I am looking for ideas on how to spice up our sex life. The reason I am coming here to ask all of you is that we both tend to be a little submissive. I like to be told what to do but he won't take the lead, so maybe you can come up with some ideas for us. The more detailed the better.

Hope I hear from somebody.

Thanks.

 

[justthe2ofus43]

well to start of try to talk to the man and maybe share some story's on here with him ..........

 

[suckinhon]

Your challenge will be.......

well to start of try to talk to the man and maybe share some story's on here with him ..........

Hi, thanks for getting back to me so quickly, I guess I should give a little bit more info since my original post was a bit vague and well hmmm, empty headed. As if any of you know what my marriage is like.
Ok, well, I have tried to get him into Lit and he just isn't interested. (I know I know HUH? HOW can he NOT be interested? He's just not) He doesn't really enjoy reading so he's not into the stories, the boards 'involve too much effort' and chat is 'too boring'. I have tried to get him to play a game with me that everytime we have sex we get to switch turns. Whoever has their turn gets to fulfill a fantasy (position, action, costume, anything really). We played about one and a half times and it went back to normal boring sex. My problem isn't really him not wanting to have sex (he wants it all the damn time) but me not being interested in the kind of sex he wants to have. Its boring, the same thing every time (almost) and never really the way I like it. (He keeps doing things that I have asked him repeatedly not to do and 'forgets' to do the things I've told him that I love. He eats me the way they do in a porn but not the way I ask/beg him to. I might just need to get over the idea of having sex the way I want. Or I need to find a way to nudge him to have sex the way I think would be better for us both ( I get good/great sex, He gets MORE sex).

Now, are there anymore suggestions?

BTW. thanks for the first suggestion but I needed to give more info.

 

[MT_Pitcher]

Re: Your challenge will be.......

Hi, thanks for getting back to me so quickly, I guess I should give a little bit more info since my original post was a bit vague and well hmmm, empty headed. As if any of you know what my marriage is like.
BTW. thanks for the first suggestion but I needed to give more info.

From the information that you've given us, you have a tough nut to crack. It sounds like a selfish lover to me. They can be very hard to re-train. He sounds like he wants it, but only his way.
If talking to him doesn't work, and the games don't work I'm not sure what to do, short of counselling.
Maybe hit him in his pride..? Tell him he's an ok lover but could be better.
That's sure to cause an initial problem, but may solve it for down the road.
Is the rest of your relationship strong enough to do this?
Or would you rather live with less than you desire?
That, you have to decide! Most men that act that way really have a hard time hearing the truth.
Wish I could be more helpful.
Hell, I wish I was in his spot

 

[Missingmeds]

Re: Your challenge will be.......

. My problem isn't really him not wanting to have sex (he wants it all the damn time) but me not being interested in the kind of sex he wants to have. Its boring, the same thing every time (almost) and never really the way I like it. (He keeps doing things that I have asked him repeatedly not to do and 'forgets' to do the things I've told him that I love. He eats me the way they do in a porn but not the way I ask/beg him to. I might just need to get over the idea of having sex the way I want. Or I need to find a way to nudge him to have sex the way I think would be better for us both ( I get good/great sex, He gets MORE sex).

Yes, but you really don't want to hear my suggestions. I am assuming that it has been this way for the 5 years that you have been married. If that is the case, while I wish you all the luck in the world, the chances of you changing anything that he does about the same as winning the lottery. Actually your chances of winning the lottery are better.

He isn't listening to what you say you want. He doesn't care. If he did he would make an effort to change the way that he does things.

Sorry if this is a little blunt and more honest than you were ready for. But I went thru this for about 15 years and finally made the one best decision in my life. I didn't want to keep harping and nagging, I got tired of talking and wanting more. So I got a divorce.

As far as sex goes, it was the best thing that I ever did.

 

[suckinhon]

Re: Re: Your challenge will be.......

Yes, but you really don't want to hear my suggestions. I am assuming that it has been this way for the 5 years that you have been married. If that is the case, while I wish you all the luck in the world, the chances of you changing anything that he does about the same as winning the lottery. Actually your chances of winning the lottery are better.

He isn't listening to what you say you want. He doesn't care. If he did he would make an effort to change the way that he does things.

Sorry if this is a little blunt and more honest than you were ready for. But I went thru this for about 15 years and finally made the one best decision in my life. I didn't want to keep harping and nagging, I got tired of talking and wanting more. So I got a divorce.

As far as sex goes, it was the best thing that I ever did.

I really don't mind hearing you say that. It has crossed my mind more than once. Well it has crossed my mind for more than this one reason (sex) honestly, but when I told him that I'd called a lawyer last (a year and a half ago) he started changing things fast. So the rest of our problems have been worked out or are being worked on constantly. It's just the sex thing that is still such an unchanged (major) problem for both of us. To be fair, he considers sex a major problem for us as well but mostly cause he's not getting enough. He keeps reminding me of the poll that said most germans have sex 3 times a week on average and our average is more like 4-5 times a month. (Though on a *more* personal note I masturbate 1-3 times a day).

To explain/complain a little more about him he also was a virgin when I met him so his only *training* was porn. This alone is what makes me think he might be trainable with the right circumstances. I've had the idea of letting him have girlfriends but he doesn't like the idea of going out and working for one. Then I have thought of having someone more experienced work with both of us. Either a single woman or a couple. He might just need to get 'lessons'. He is also kinda narrow minded (you might have noticed), he has said things to me like 'Men don't make love, we fuck, making love is a myth created by women to soothe your (our) emotional needs.'

Maybe I should just throw in the towel and file for divorce. But the other problem is that as an American living in and married to a German if we divorce and I move back to America, I WILL (98% sure) lose custody of my son. So maybe a future of boring sex and tons of masturbation doesn't seem so bad.

Question: Do you think it might be worth me encouraging him (us) to find a 'trainer'?

 

[MT_Pitcher]

Re: Re: Re: Your challenge will be.......

I really don't mind hearing you say that. It has crossed my mind more than once. Well it has crossed my mind for more than this one reason (sex) honestly, but when I told him that I'd called a lawyer last (a year and a half ago) he started changing things fast. So the rest of our problems have been worked out or are being worked on constantly. It's just the sex thing that is still such an unchanged (major) problem for both of us. To be fair, he considers sex a major problem for us as well but mostly cause he's not getting enough. He keeps reminding me of the poll that said most germans have sex 3 times a week on average and our average is more like 4-5 times a month. (Though on a *more* personal note I masturbate 1-3 times a day).

To explain/complain a little more about him he also was a virgin when I met him so his only *training* was porn. This alone is what makes me think he might be trainable with the right circumstances. I've had the idea of letting him have girlfriends but he doesn't like the idea of going out and working for one. Then I have thought of having someone more experienced work with both of us. Either a single woman or a couple. He might just need to get 'lessons'. He is also kinda narrow minded (you might have noticed), he has said things to me like 'Men don't make love, we fuck, making love is a myth created by women to soothe your (our) emotional needs.'

Maybe I should just throw in the towel and file for divorce. But the other problem is that as an American living in and married to a German if we divorce and I move back to America, I WILL (98% sure) lose custody of my son. So maybe a future of boring sex and tons of masturbation doesn't seem so bad.

Question: Do you think it might be worth me encouraging him (us) to find a 'trainer'?

At this point in time, you can't make his attitude any worse.
It doesn't sound like he'll ever change or that'll he'll ever want to.
Maybe instead of sending him out for a girlfriend, you should think about finding a lover for yourself, one who satisfies your needs.

 

[Missingmeds]

I would suggest that you do call a lawyer. Find out exactly what your options are, especially concerning your son. The Germans on a whole are very pro mother so you might be getting bad advice.

As far as custody goes, each case is different and I know that things have changed alot in recent years.

 

[justthe2ofus43]

Sounds like more then just the sex thing going wrong .... a man wont change his ways....... actully reading through your posts brought back quite a bit for me ( i happen to be german and live in the US ) Came over with my ex and stayed over here so i did get it documented at the time of the Divorce that if i wanted to go back to germany i could take my kids with me without a problem .The only thing i had to assure the court was that if i moved back and the kids wanted to see their dad i would have to be willing to pay half of the Traveling costs .
You really need to talk to a lawyer about this but dont let your child be the cause of you sticking with something your sure you not going to find happienss with .As to a personal trainer i dont think he would go for that if he did not go for counseling or any ideas you have tried to spice up your Sexlife .And to be frank here how often you get it dont matter its the quality of it that counts and if one does not get satisfied its no good .He seems to be more immature in his outlook then anything else ...not sure what he wants and not sure what he is willing to give and frankly i would not be surprised if he enjoys getting head but is not very willing to dish it out ( just assuming here ) .Close minds are so hard to intrude up on and i hope what ever you decide to do all turns out well ........