I'm Hungry For More

[Naturestrikes]

Hi, I request help from fellow D/s forumers.

I've been into d/s for quite a while, and I've let my partner be well aware of that fact. But some problems are starting to come up and I'm beginning to get bored very, very easily. I'm lucky, because when I introduced him to d/s, he was more than happy to be dominant; as I'm submissive personally.

I find that when I suggest things to him, they aren't spontaneous (when I'd like them to be, really) so I feel a little mood-kill in asking him- as I can expect them next time.

I keep telling him to treat me like shit, but he gets scared of hurting me. Which is nice of him, but for some reason everytime we do it I just want it rougher and rougher.

I just think I'm being bad in bed... But I'm losing the will to have sex in case it's boring, which shouldn't be the case. Am I going nuts?

 

[suba]

You're not going nuts, you just have needs. You'll just have to work out what's worth more to you, this relationship or satisfying those needs.

I've had both submissive and straight relationships and, 12 years ago met a wonderful man in every respect, except he doesn't have a hurtful bone in his body and can't bring himself to treat me the way I want to be treated. His slaps were never hard enough and he never wanted to use anything other than this hand.

I made a choice to give up on that because everything else was so good. I love him so much and honestly, these days, don't know whether my body could handle being treated the way it once was.

Do I miss it? On occasions but that's why I hang out here, reading stories, or looking at bondage/pain videos online. He's OK with that, he's just happy that I'm here and not out with someone else.

 

[Etoile]

I can suggest the following library collections:
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?postid=10777632#post10777632
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=722032
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?threadid=302180

 

[Naturestrikes]

Thanks for the links, I did have a good read through.

He's too great a guy to just let go, so I think I'll have to work through them. And he does let me read stuff on LitEro, so I guess it's alright.

I just get worried one day I just won't want a sexual relationship in fear that everytime it'll be boring. I'll just have to talk to him about it.

 

[mackiemac]

Nature,

Newbie to Lit but not to the subject matter here. Also a professional writer. (By way of introduction).

Have you ever thought about demonstrating on him?

I mean, my girlfriend (now wife) wanted rougher than I was comfortable in giving her, for fear of going too far. One night, she scratched me so hard and so much that it left at least 10 bleeding lines down my back and chest, plus a whole lot of welts. And I had bite marks visible on my face and neck for several days.

I got the message, real quick. She never did it again. But I did.

 

[FungiUg]

Not sure which links Etoile pointed you at, but this does ring some bells for me.

One of the behaviours you will see talked about here is "bratty" behaivour. It tends to come up when submissives start pushing for being harshly treated, because they have needs that need to be met now!

The simple fact of the matter is that there are two (or more) people in any relationship, and each person has needs, wants and desires that motivate them to be in the relationship. So what's happening with the other person that is stopping them from meeting your needs? You need to think in terms of "if I have needs to be met and my partner isn't meeting them... why?" The easy thing to do is to accuse your partner of being selfish. On the other hand, there may be a real reason why they are not.

For example, if you pressure your partner for something, it may take all of the joy out of it and turn it into a chore, meaning they don't actually instigate that because for them, it's no longer fun. That response isn't uncommon, particularly for dominants, because they like to be the ones who lead, push and so on. So when a submissive steps in and starts demanding, it detracts from their pleasure.

Er, not saying this is the case here (although it may be), that's just an example of what else can be going on. Work or money stress, ill-health, death in the family etc are other examples.

So... don't be all stompy and pouty about it. Find a constructive way (i.e. a way that works, not just "do what I say, dammit!") to work with your partner in getting your needs, and your partners needs, met. Use your brain as well as your body.

Let me look at some of what you said from a dominant point of view:

"I'm losing the will to have sex in case it's boring"

Firstly, if you are serving him, does it matter whether you have "the will" or not? You want him to be dominant and take what he wants from you. If he wants sex, that's what he wants.

"I keep telling him to treat me like shit"

Dominants rarely treat their submissives like shit. They may be demanding, haughty, pushy, insistent, etc... but a submissive is not someone to be abused. So your terminology, the way you express your needs, may actually be setting off alarm bells in your dominants mind. If he doesn't want to feel abusive, you asking to be treated like shit may actually be pushing away the very behaivour you want. Find a way to express your needs in a positive manner: "please use me forcefully, overpower me, allow me to give you my body for your pleasure".

"everytime we do it I just want it rougher and rougher"

Dominants have limits too. I hear a lot about how dominants should respect the limits of their submissives, but what about vice-versa? There will be a limit to how much roughhandling your dominant is willing to dish out. That limit can (and usually does) change over time, but you need to be patient and not pressure if your dominant is working at their limit.

Anyway, I reiterate: there's nothing insolveable here. You just need to work together with a bit of honesty so that you are both getting your needs met. Don't make an argument out of it, do make a cooperative fun sexy planning session out of it.

Good luck!