I'm highly disappointed

[Fallenfromgrace]

PS. This is rather in the way of an "open PM." I post it because maybe others might find a useful tidbit or two in this.

Thank you for this Rox.

i am dissapointed in myself- i havent done what i promised to do, and i havent done any work either.

 

[OhMissScarlett]

Okay, so here it goes: I'm really disappointed in myself today. I should be happy, I have no reason not to be. Things have fallen into place for me and those around me mostly. But, the little voice which tells me it's all too good to be true and that the wheels will soon come off the tracks gnaws at the back of my brain. While everyone else jumps in with both feet and has a good time, I'm the one keeping watch and I just fucking hate it. Sometimes, I'd give anything to have faith, to be unaware that things always go wrong, to live like that cheesy 'dance like nobody's watching' poster....Not so easy, huh? Oh, how I always manage to fuck something up. At least I can say I told myself so.

 

[Nirvanadragones]

Hugs, dear friend.

I know exactly what you mean, Sweet. And most days I completely understand, and I am in that space. Yesterday I just wasn't.

Thank you for your advice and empathy. It means so much

I hope so too. Some days are just harder than others. {{{{{hugs}}}}}

So true

 

[Trinique_Fire]

Don't think I need to re-write the same words. I'm feeling them.

 

[Huckleman2000]

Families disappoint.

I missed the initial message, but I can imagine. This is sort of like Roxanne's open-PM. It's not in the vein of a personal experience that I want to relate; rather, it's a book about childhood experiences with narcissistic parents. It's called The Drama of the Gifted Child [The Search for the True Self], by Alice Miller.

It's not about children who get good grades or are specially talented - the 'gift' she refers to is the ability of children to adapt, to hide our feelings and needs in order to meet our parents' expectations and win their 'love'. This 'gift' enables us to achieve some measure of success, yet we may still remain numb or empty.

As a psychologist concerned with "the causes and effects of childhood trauma", some of her observations strike me as a bit over-the-top, but maybe not. Experiences such as toilet training are quite necessarily intimate; striving for very early toilet training could well be a traumatic experience for a toddler. Controlling their body functions at the risk of losing parental support, merely to serve the grandiosity of the parents who can then boast about their skills ("She didn't need diapers at 14 months!"), could well be an early trauma that establishes a lifelong pattern of sublimating one's own feelings to gain acceptance with loved ones. At the least, it's a compelling metaphor. No parents can assure their child a completely happy childhood, free of influence or hurt from their own neuroses. Nonetheless, her relating of experiences from the child's point of view, and from the point of view of those same children as adults, can be self-revelatory.

I'm generally of the opinion that, as adults, we have a responsibility to ourselves, our families, and especially our children, to sort ourselves out as best we can. I'm firmly of the belief that depression is a physical disease, but equally firm in my belief that patterns of thinking manifest themselves in physical ways. To that end, I can see that examination of family relationships, parent-child relationships in particular, can help to cure us.

It's a short book, but very interesting, and seems to have been written especially from a European point of view.

 

[English Lady]

You know, you're just about the only sunshine left in the UK

Awww, shucks -my cheeks are now shining like the sun!

 

[Nirvanadragones]

I missed the initial message, but I can imagine.

It's a short book, but very interesting, and seems to have been written especially from a European point of view.

Very interesting, thank you. I will most definitely look into it

In principle it makes sense, and I do believe I have made progressed. It's unfortunate, however that there are moments which just completely throw me off. And usually it's completely unexpected, and when I'm at my lowest, with the least amount of support.

Today is better. I'm ignoring yesterday. It's more important for me right now to sort family issues out with myself, than it is for me to sort it out with them.

 

[Nirvanadragones]

Crispy cream donuts x 3

Arn't they supposed to make you feel better?

 

[scheherazade_79]

Crispy cream donuts x 3

Arn't they supposed to make you feel better?

Who's got crispy cream donuts????????

They're really bad for you, you know. Give them all to me!

 

[Nirvanadragones]

Who's got crispy cream donuts????????

They're really bad for you, you know. Give them all to me!

Too late, Darling

 

[scheherazade_79]

Too late, Darling

Bitch!

You ate ALL of them when there are starving Zades in the world?

We ate a healthy dinner tonight at my house... which means I'll be calling in McDonalds on my way out skateboarding

 

[Nirvanadragones]

Sigh.

 

[inlovewithyourghost]

Sigh.

 

[Nirvanadragones]

 

[inlovewithyourghost]

http://www.geneseo.edu/~caf8/child%20holding%20flower.jpg

 

[Nirvanadragones]

http://www.geneseo.edu/~caf8/child%20holding%20flower.jpg

Thank you, Sweet

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Sigh.

I hug you.

 

[Nirvanadragones]

I hug you.

I accept your hug, and I raise you a

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I accept your hug, and I raise you a

sigh....happy me!!! I kiss you back.

 

[vampiredust]

I've been disappointed a lot lately

with the quality of my writing, with my inability to make friends at university, with being unable to get over my fear of speaking in class (and not freezing up),
with my inability to flirt

 

[impressive]

Color me there. Or here. Whatever.