I'm happy alone

[HappyAlone]

I recently ended a 2 year relationship, and for the first time ever i am perfectly content just being alone. Its refreshing to be single. I can honestly say i've never felt like that before. I've always been a very co-dependent person, like i couldnt survive if i were alone. But since i left my ex, i'm loving it. I dont want to rush into another relationship, i just want to have fun.
i'm a 26 year old female so i dont know if this feeling is something that came with growing up a little or what circumstance threw it off on me.
Ok so heres the reason i'm posting today.
Since i left my ex not quite a week ago, i've had several people hitting on me trying to pick me up and what not. Theres this one guy - that i had dated in the past and we split as a mutual thing. We both had some growing up to do. Well we've hung out, fucked, and spent an entire day just nerding out together playing video games and having fun. Before we hung out i made it clear that i wanted to be single for a bit, and he seemed ok with that, said he wanted to take his time anyway and just get to know eachother again and make the best out of being good friends.
Whats striking me as completely odd is the fact that i'm actually happy being single and -- going by habit -- i feel like i'm jumping headlong into another relationship and i'm not entirely sure what to do about it. I've been in this situation before but my outlook on being single is completely different. Before i owuldnt have thought twice about just going headlong into a relationship, and now i'm hesitant. Any one have any advice on how to go about this? I really like this guy but i dont want to lead him on. I want to just be me for a while but at the same time i cant stop thinking about him.
gahh its a confusing mess, sorry for the novel and thank you to whomever gives me advice.

 

[HappyAlone]

i see not to many people are on this time of day, i'll be back tonight. I really do need advice on this - i'm clueless as i've never felt like this before. I'm very out of my element and all the help i can get will be much appreciated.

 

[CuteBrat]

I recently ended a 2 year relationship, and for the first time ever i am perfectly content just being alone. Its refreshing to be single. I can honestly say i've never felt like that before. I've always been a very co-dependent person, like i couldnt survive if i were alone. But since i left my ex, i'm loving it. I dont want to rush into another relationship, i just want to have fun.
i'm a 26 year old female so i dont know if this feeling is something that came with growing up a little or what circumstance threw it off on me.
Ok so heres the reason i'm posting today.
Since i left my ex not quite a week ago, i've had several people hitting on me trying to pick me up and what not. Theres this one guy - that i had dated in the past and we split as a mutual thing. We both had some growing up to do. Well we've hung out, fucked, and spent an entire day just nerding out together playing video games and having fun. Before we hung out i made it clear that i wanted to be single for a bit, and he seemed ok with that, said he wanted to take his time anyway and just get to know eachother again and make the best out of being good friends.
Whats striking me as completely odd is the fact that i'm actually happy being single and -- going by habit -- i feel like i'm jumping headlong into another relationship and i'm not entirely sure what to do about it. I've been in this situation before but my outlook on being single is completely different. Before i owuldnt have thought twice about just going headlong into a relationship, and now i'm hesitant. Any one have any advice on how to go about this? I really like this guy but i dont want to lead him on. I want to just be me for a while but at the same time i cant stop thinking about him.
gahh its a confusing mess, sorry for the novel and thank you to whomever gives me advice.

Its been less than a WEEK since you broke up. Just chill. I think if you are obsessing about a new guy less than a week after breaking up with the previous guy....its not about him. Its about fears of being alone or something else. Take a deep breath and slow don.

 

[HappyAlone]

Its been less than a WEEK since you broke up. Just chill. I think if you are obsessing about a new guy less than a week after breaking up with the previous guy....its not about him. Its about fears of being alone or something else. Take a deep breath and slow don.

its not that i'm obsessed lol its just that he brought back a flood of memories and feelings that had long ago faded. I already made it clear that i dont want a relationship and i dont plan on jumping into one. I just dont know how to go about it without sounding like a selfish bitch ya know. I enjoy the fun and thats what i want right now - fun.

 

[belizelarry]

Agree. You still have a lot of time in front of you. Do not feel bad and rush into another realationship. It is better to, as they say, "Stop and smell the roses". There is nothing wrong with enjoying alone time. You do not have to be like a hermit. You can still get out and socialize. Find out "Who" is the real you. If, and when, you find that special someone then you can decide whether to continue or not. Try to break the mold that says we must be co-dependant with someone. Life is not like that. We can share our inner selves with others. Not be controlled by what others think. I am no expert on life, but I have been around long enough to have already made most of the mistakes in life. Good luck and stay happy.

 

[NippleMuncher]

its not that i'm obsessed lol its just that he brought back a flood of memories and feelings that had long ago faded. I already made it clear that i dont want a relationship and i dont plan on jumping into one. I just dont know how to go about it without sounding like a selfish bitch ya know. I enjoy the fun and thats what i want right now - fun.

If you have verbalized that you were not interested in a relationship and told him in a manner that he understood, then let it go and just enjoy the friendship and companionship.

There are a lot of men that would jump at the chance to have a fuck buddy without the drama of a relationship. Just don't get pissed off if the either of you become serious and the other doesn't reciprocate it.

 

[The_Librarian]

I should have been alone instead of cheating on those who mattered to me. I hurt so many people in the process.

Good for you for doing the right thing and being content with yourself!

 

[nfrrdscnnr1]

adept

We're all very adept at kidding ourselves. It beggars the imagination to think you are happy being alone when you've been spending time with and screwing a fella. That is not being alone.
Look. We all do what we need to do and if you need to be with this guy or another one or you need to stand on your head for two hours a day, knock yourself out. But stop kidding yourself by saying you are alone.
My very best advice is to do your grieving, cry for your loss if you can, and do your best to not repeat mistakes.

 

[KierstH12]

.....................

 

[HappyAlone]

Just don't get pissed off if the either of you become serious and the other doesn't reciprocate it.

this is what i'm worried about - before i even mentioned that i just wanted to be friends, he had stated that he regretted that we split up years ago and wanted to do things right, when i said i just wanted to be friends it was like i crushed him a little bit. I dont want to push a good friend away because i dont want something right now.
People have misunderstood me - i'm not jumping into something right now, i'm just worried about pushing him away or giving him the wrong idea.

 

[NippleMuncher]

If he was infatuated or in love with you before when things ended, he's probably looking for that to rekindle. While he's openly agreeing to have no strings attached sex with you and be your friend, it is more than likely that his mind is seeing the two of you in a relationship, either now or in the near future.

What I recommend you do is find another fuck buddy and keep this guy strictly as a friend. It would not be fair to taunt him with something that is not there. You are looking to simplify your life by not being in a relationship, then simplify your life and only fuck someone you are not going to become attached to, or him to you. You are simply playing with fire to be messing around with a former love interest. I'm just say'n.

 

[HappyAlone]

We're all very adept at kidding ourselves. It beggars the imagination to think you are happy being alone when you've been spending time with and screwing a fella. That is not being alone.
Look. We all do what we need to do and if you need to be with this guy or another one or you need to stand on your head for two hours a day, knock yourself out. But stop kidding yourself by saying you are alone.
My very best advice is to do your grieving, cry for your loss if you can, and do your best to not repeat mistakes.

we spent one night together and a few hours the next day. its not like i've spent all my time with him.

 

[HappyAlone]

If he was infatuated or in love with you before when things ended, he's probably looking for that to rekindle. While he's openly agreeing to have no strings attached sex with you and be your friend, it is more than likely that his mind is seeing the two of you in a relationship, either now or in the near future.

What I recommend you do is find another fuck buddy and keep this guy strictly as a friend. It would not be fair to taunt him with something that is not there. You are looking to simplify your life by not being in a relationship, then simplify your life and only fuck someone you are not going to become attached to, or him to you. You are simply playing with fire to be messing around with a former love interest. I'm just say'n.

Thank you, Dear. I will take your advice to heart, because it is really good advice.

 

[NippleMuncher]

You are most welcome.

Next question?

 

[HappyAlone]

yes actually, one more. Now that we've hung out and had some amazing sex - how would i go about friend zoning him without pushing him away?

 

[NippleMuncher]

yes actually, one more. Now that we've hung out and had some amazing sex - how would i go about friend zoning him without pushing him away?

I would think that you could explain to him that your hooking up was a mistake, that you need more time free from sex and the relationship tension that it creates. Be honest, but gentle, and also know that there may be no way to friend zone him.

You've already had a relationship with this man, you've already recently had sex with him, it may not be possible to just be "friends" with him, as much as it may hurt to lose him, this is a choice that YOU are making and every choice you make will have its own consequences. I personally can compartmentalize and would be fine being friends with a former lover and/or former fuck buddy, but this takes a level of maturity on the part of both parties to accept and move past if there is to be any friendship post intimacy.

 

[Cookie123]

I agree with what the other posters had to say. I, used to jump from one relationship to another because I felt flattered by the attention. The guys would always fall head over heels within a week and I felt 'stuck' because I didn't want to hurt them. The first time they messed up, I would take the chance to run for the hills, without looking back. Since my separation from my soon to be ex husband of several years, even after 8 months- I love being alone! I am discovering who I am for what feels like the first time.

Maybe limit/stop calling him, texting, facebooking and certainly don't make any plans. After a few days when he asks why the short, vague replies, dodged calls...talk to him and explain (again) that you have been busy being YOU.

Best of luck & enjoy

 

[Lord Pmann]

its not that i'm obsessed lol its just that he brought back a flood of memories and feelings that had long ago faded. I already made it clear that i dont want a relationship and i dont plan on jumping into one. I just dont know how to go about it without sounding like a selfish bitch ya know. I enjoy the fun and thats what i want right now - fun.

The road to something is paved with good intentions.

First off, I presume you've not really processed the breakup. I know you feel great and all, but I highly doubt it has settled in. The fact that you're fucking someone already, to me, makes me think you aren't as happy being single as you portray or you want to portray. I think your heart is genuine, but I don't think you completely get it.

Second, sex is a powerful drug. I promise it is going to cause problems here. One, or both of you, is going to get in a sticky place (see what I did there?). The FWB thing doesn't work as often as people like. Proceed with caution.

 

[Paul_Chance]

Set A Date

Try this - set a date before you enter into another relationship - pick a time, three months, six months, a year - out. Write it on a big piece of paper and post it on the back of your door, so you see it every day to remind you of it. Write something like:

"In order to find out who I am, I am NOT entering another relationship until March 1st, 2013. If you are interested in being considered in March 2013, please write your name and phone number here. Otherwise, fuck off."

LOL - okay, the otherwise fuck off thing is something I would write. You may want to leave that part off.

 

[HappyAlone]

The road to something is paved with good intentions.

First off, I presume you've not really processed the breakup. I know you feel great and all, but I highly doubt it has settled in. The fact that you're fucking someone already, to me, makes me think you aren't as happy being single as you portray or you want to portray. I think your heart is genuine, but I don't think you completely get it.

Second, sex is a powerful drug. I promise it is going to cause problems here. One, or both of you, is going to get in a sticky place (see what I did there?). The FWB thing doesn't work as often as people like. Proceed with caution.

i actually have - the break up wasnt a smooth one and has been coming for a long long time. We were living with eachother untill December and i moved 2 hours away because i was tired of all the fighting and arguing and i had a good job offer so that helped. Since then i've gone on to finish my schooling, working, taking care of my family and so on - i have already completely moved on in my heart and my mind.

i will admit that you may be right by that i dont completely get it. But its things i have been figuring out and i'm happy that i am. I'm working things threw as they come along and i'm fine with that.

 

[HappyAlone]

Try this - set a date before you enter into another relationship - pick a time, three months, six months, a year - out. Write it on a big piece of paper and post it on the back of your door, so you see it every day to remind you of it. Write something like:

"In order to find out who I am, I am NOT entering another relationship until March 1st, 2013. If you are interested in being considered in March 2013, please write your name and phone number here. Otherwise, fuck off."

LOL - okay, the otherwise fuck off thing is something I would write. You may want to leave that part off.

that is a brilliant idea but if i were to do that, my neighbors<who are mostly family> might not like that to much lol

 

[NippleMuncher]

that is a brilliant idea but if i were to do that, my neighbors<who are mostly family> might not like that to much lol

Hence the "fuck off" part.

 

[Thefamiliar]

I am confused, has the guy done anything to make you believe he is not ok with no strings attached?

My advicr would be to communicate upfront and bluntly.

If he is a friend (even with sex involved) he will listen and understand. Infact I would be more worried if he hadn't admitted that he regretted breaking up with you. It means he would be hiding the feelings which turns into major drama.

If your afraid of falling into a relationship pattern just make sure you arent choosing to let him dominate your free time. Other than that flow with it until he isnt ok with it, or starts acting like a boyfriend.

Nothing needs to be defined. I just wonder why you would choose to give up great sex, fun and all over fear of the relationship pattern. How do you define a relationship? Cuz I promise another friend with benifits will only turn out the same. Sex bonds people.

 

[NaughtyGingerBoy]

I've been humping into a few relationships for the last year.
Yeah I still have feelings for the ladies involved but going back is something I tried and it meant work.
All those old problems were still there.
It's now one of my rules....no going back. That's about it really, be happy in your own company and happy being you.
If someone likes who you are then consider it but try and enjoy yourself without needing others to help.
Xx

 

[HappyAlone]

I've been humping into a few relationships for the last year.
Yeah I still have feelings for the ladies involved but going back is something I tried and it meant work.
All those old problems were still there.
It's now one of my rules....no going back. That's about it really, be happy in your own company and happy being you.
If someone likes who you are then consider it but try and enjoy yourself without needing others to help.
Xx

i've thought that. Of the problems that we split over - they werent really problems to be honest. They were issues with us both being immature. I've grown out of those habits and so far as i can tell - so has he. Its not a matter of us getting back together-that subject is closed thanks to Nipple Muncher. Right now its a matter of keeping the friendship after we've recently had sex.