I'm going to punch Clive Woodward

[TheEarl]

Bastard! Bastard, bastard, bastard!

As many of you know, my main sport is rugby and I am a devoted follower of my England team. Which is why I'm more than a little bit upset at the moment.

For those who don't know, Sir Clive Woodward - coach of the England rugby team - has suddenly decided to quit his post, despite having 3 years left to go. He has announced in an interview that he never really liked rugby and has been a devoted football supporter all these years. Baffling comments (as they're likely to earn him a kicking next time he meets a rugby fan) until you realise that the bastard has applied for the vacant managers post at Southampton football club. Bastard!

England are in a precarious position at the moment with lots of senior players retiring and the last thing they need is more upheaval. They're on something of a downward spiral, so Sir Bastard has decided to throw in the towel and run off to kevball, where he'll get lots of money. And to endear himself to his new sport, he's decided to rub salt in our wounds by claiming that he never liked our sport anyway. Bastard!

Did I mention he was a bastard?

I know a lot of Americans won't get this (International sport isn't really the same deal over there) and a lot of English won't either. I just needed to vent about how utterly betrayed I feel by that fucking bastard, who has sold out my sport for 20 pieces of silver.

Bastard!

The Earl

 

[Guest]

Aw, sweetbuns. I nearly felt something about rugby for a moment there. Hey, if you hate this bastard, I will too.

Pear

 

[OldnotDead]

Translation for the US.

To completely understand the above post substitute the following:

If you are from Boston:

Clive Woodward becomes Roger Clemens or Babe Ruth.
Rugby becomes The Boston Red Sox
Football (Soccer aka Kevball) becomes The New York Yankees

OR

If you are from New York.

Clive Woodward becomes Bill Belichick
Rugby becomes the New York Jets
Football (Soccer aka Kevball) becomes The New England Patriots.

Other regional translations are also available, please provide your favorite team, it's coach and the arch rival's name.

There is no need to substitute for the word 'bastard' - applies to all sports.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

The dirty secret of sports is that the fans' love is always unrequited.

---dr.M.

 

[TheEarl]

That's a bloody good quote Dr M. Is it yours?

The Earl

 

[TheEarl]

Re: Translation for the US.

To completely understand the above post substitute the following:

If you are from Boston:

Clive Woodward becomes Roger Clemens or Babe Ruth.
Rugby becomes The Boston Red Sox
Football (Soccer aka Kevball) becomes The New York Yankees

OR

If you are from New York.

Clive Woodward becomes Bill Belichick
Rugby becomes the New York Jets
Football (Soccer aka Kevball) becomes The New England Patriots.

Other regional translations are also available, please provide your favorite team, it's coach and the arch rival's name.

There is no need to substitute for the word 'bastard' - applies to all sports.

Good translation OnD, but not quite the full flavour.

Rugby is a small sport compared to football in England and, whilst football is the sport of hooligans and players who do drugs, abuse the ref, beat their girlfriends and whinge about the manager in public (hence kevball, the sport of kevs, garys, scallies, chavs, etc.), rugby is the sport where there's been no crowd violence in recent memory, players call the referee "Sir" and have a respect for the game they play. In rugby, country comes before club and being paid is a minor thing. Being allowed to play the sport you love is the prize for rugby players and being selected for your country is an honour without price. In kevball, the bottom line is all and, although the money and publicity of the game is far higher, so are the egos and the temper-tantrums.

Imagine Joe Torre leaves the New York Yankees, just after their most inspirational players have retired and the team is in desperate need of a firm hand at the wheel. After a period of unprecedented success, where the Yankees rose to become the best team in Major League, they've fallen sharply and have lost their last four games, something that hasn't happened in a long time and they were humiliated by arch rivals the New England Patriots in their last match.

Joe Torre now announces that he's quitting the Yankees, just months after signing a contract that he'd stay until 2007. In a magazine interview, he states "I never really had the passion to play baseball. When I was younger, I couldn't stand the game and was always running away from school baseball to play gridiron."

Subsequent newspaper reports claim that, although Torre claimed to have left because of player troubles, he has actually applied for a job at a very minor American Football team, purely and simply for the money involved.

It's not quite right, as you can't get the dynamics of patriotism and national sides, vs club sides into American sport. But that's pretty much a translation for New Yorkers.

The Earl

 

[R. Richard]

I know a lot of Americans won't get this (International sport isn't really the same deal over there) and a lot of English won't either. I just needed to vent about how utterly betrayed I feel by that fucking bastard, who has sold out my sport for 20 pieces of silver.

The Earl

I think I understand your frustration. However, in the interests of accuracy, he got a hell of a lot more than 20 pieces of silver! He may have sold out, but he did not sell out cheap.

JMHO.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I love it the way you say "bastard"!

I can hear the Brittish accent from over here!

 

[TheEarl]

I love it the way you say "bastard"!

I can hear the Brittish accent from over here!

Just out of interest, which way do you hear me say Bastard? There are two major accent groups in England - North and South. In the North (where Gauche is), they'd say bastad, with a flat a like an 'ah!' noise (wide mouth, back of throat). Whereas in the South (where I am), they'd say barstard with a round first a, like an 'arr' sound. I've got a weird accent, cause mine's reasonably plummy, yet I use rhyming slang a lot. Sound file for your delectation.

The Earl

 

[TheEarl]

For Svenska

Present for fans of English swearing.

The Earl

 

[TheEarl]

Pt2

Pt2

 

[TheEarl]

Pt3

 

[Guest]

These recordings are great, nice to hear your voice again, tE, but please go to my British music thread and spill all you know.

Pear

 

[TheEarl]

Did have a look Pear, but all my opinions on music have already been taken by others. Heartily second the mentions of The Coral and Franz Ferdinand, but I have nothing new to add. So I thought I'd keep my mouth shut for once.

The Earl

 

[pop_54]

Woodward rode to the top and his sirhood on the back of an already established bunch of good players... now some of them are too old to continue and are retiring or going off the boil with hard use.

He can now see some hard work and lean times ahead... so he's cutting and running for the big bunce.

If it's any consolation Earl I doubt he'll last 5 minutes in the cut throat world of kevball... his team will lose two on the trot and the fans will be screaming for his blood... the gutter press will be chasing him about trying to prove he's been shagging some whore... or got a 15 yr old pregnant... He won't have it as easy as he did in the gentleman's sport.

 

[Liar]

Earl, look at it from the bright side. Maybe they will get a coach who actually gives a damn this time around?

Re: accents. I can't play the soundfiles on this puter, but I imagine you sag 'bastard' like an american says 'busted'.

#L

 

[rgraham666]

Random thoughts on rugby from a Canadian.

A park down the street from where I used to live had a rugby league play there on the weekends.

One day I walk past and watch the game for a bit. A minute into my watching, one guy catches the ball, two tackle him, the whole conglomeration crashes into an unpadded metal goal post.

No one gets up. Ambulance comes, carts the wounded away, and the game starts up again as if nothing had happened.

Mildly perturbed by this I walk away. As I go by one of the player's car, I notice the bumper sticker: "Rugby Players Eat Their Dead".

My pace quickens.
__________

One day I am watching Australian Rules Football on the Tube.

I ask a buddy, "What is the difference between Australian Rules Football and rugby?"

His reply, "In rugby, uppercuts are not considered standard offensive maneuvers."

 

[pop_54]

Random thoughts on rugby from a Canadian.

A park down the street from where I used to live had a rugby league play there on the weekends.

One day I walk past and watch the game for a bit. A minute into my watching, one guy catches the ball, two tackle him, the whole conglomeration crashes into an unpadded metal goal post.

No one gets up. Ambulance comes, carts the wounded away, and the game starts up again as if nothing had happened.

Mildly perturbed by this I walk away. As I go by one of the player's car, I notice the bumper sticker: "Rugby Players Eat Their Dead".

My pace quickens.
__________

One day I am watching Australian Rules Football on the Tube.

I ask a buddy, "What is the difference between Australian Rules Football and rugby?"

His reply, "In rugby, uppercuts are not considered standard offensive maneuvers."

About sums it up mate

 

[gauchecritic]

Unfortunately The your second use of barstad (in a sentence although very well done on the first approximation) more closely coincides with the way it should be pronounced, thus proving that the North has a more proper pronunciation than the soft south. (in swearing at least)

Gauche

 

[Guest]

You prove it, Gauche; get out your mic.

Stand up for bastards!

Perdita

 

[snooper]

The Earl:
I'm going to punch Clive Woodward

Shame on you. You, a commoner, strike a man upon whom Her Britannic Majesty, Elizabeth, by the Grace of God Queen of England and of France, Empress of India, Duke of Normandy, Defender of the Faith, has conferred a knighthood?

I am shocked.

Signed Snooper (laughing all the way to the Arms Park)

PS. In respect of said knighthood, isn't it terrible what some people will do to get hold of international tickets?

 

[TheEarl]

Unfortunately The your second use of barstad (in a sentence although very well done on the first approximation) more closely coincides with the way it should be pronounced, thus proving that the North has a more proper pronunciation than the soft south. (in swearing at least)

Gauche

On this occasion, I'll have to stand up for Northern pronunciation. IMO, it's carstle, not cahstle and grarss, not grahss, but for some reason the Northern bahstad seems to work better as an expression of frustration, than the Soutern barstard.

Guess it doesn't help that my accent's so Pimms o'clock that it never sounds like I'm swearing.

The Earl

 

[dr_mabeuse]

That's a bloody good quote Dr M. Is it yours?

The Earl

Yes it is. I used to be a Bears (American football) fan, and had a glorious season when we came from nowhere and won the Super Bowl in ’85. Then I had to watch the owners trade away their best players and let the team slump into dismal mediocrity. After two more seasons of eating my liver and getting all depressed whenever they got trounced, I realizied I just didn’t need the aggravation. Management didn’t care about the team, only about selling tickets, and if people were willing to pay to see mediocrty, that was fine with them. The fans suffered far more than management.

I had a friend whose father was a rabid Blackhawks fan (that’s Chicago’s hockey team), and they went to a crucial playoff game together. The Hawks led through most of the game, then gave up the winning goal in the last period. My friend’s dad excused himself to go to the bathroom, and when he didn’t come back after a few minutes my friend went looking for him. He found his father leaning over a toilet bowl in the men's room throwing up from nervous exhaustion. He looked at my friend with anguish in his eyes and said, “Mick, it’s not worth it. It’s just not worth it.”

That’s the attitude I take now. The Bears don't care about me, and I don't care about them. Well, not much.

---dr.M.

 

[OldnotDead]

Yes it is. I used to be a Bears (American football) fan, and had a glorious season when we came from nowhere and won the Super Bowl in ’85. Then I had to watch the owners trade away their best players and let the team slump into dismal mediocrity. . . .

That’s the attitude I take now. The Bears don't care about me, and I don't care about them. Well, not much.

---dr.M.

But the CUBS love you dearly, Dr. M.

 

[Guest]

Guess it doesn't help that my accent's so Pimms o'clock that it never sounds like I'm swearing.

Hon, I think it has more to do with you being the most polite young man in England. But what does "Pimms o'clock" mean?

Auntie Pear