minsue said:But what if some of us really want to know?
Aurora Black said:
angelicminx said:Hi, I'm Angelicminx. Most just call me Minx, as I'm far from Angelic.
I've made some positve changes in my life and I've done some soul searching. Thanks to the people here on the AH (and to my SO, who I met on partypoker.com) I discovered it's okay to be who I am and not try to form myself to what I thought was someone else's ideal person. No one else has to like me, or even love me, as long as I like and love myself- and respect myself.
A lot of people think that is a given, but I spent most of my 33 years seeking the approval of others. I compromised my beliefs, my feelings and my self respect to gain their approval. I gained nothing, but I lost plenty, including my identity.
I am an emotional person. While that's not a good thing, it's not always a bad thing either.
It's easy to make me laugh or make me happy. Simple pleasures, like bare feet squishing in mud, make me happy. I know-gross.
It's also easy to make me cry. I cry when I'm happy, hurt or angry. I cry when I have PMS, lol.
It's easy to hurt me, once you get close enough to my heart. (Don't worry, getting THAT close to my heart is not an easy thing to do.)
It's NOT easy to make me angry, but when you do, look out.
I feed off the emotions of others. If you're happy, I'm happy. If you're sad, I'm sad. If you're angry... well, that's where things get a little sticky for me. I begin to wonder if you're mad at me, if I've done something wrong, and I begin walking on eggshells. Unless it's a clear cut anger toward something specific. Anger at the injustice in the world, I'm behind you 100% and I'll add my voice to yours. Anger toward someone else, I'll allow you to vent all you want to. Go for it.
I don't like to argue. I'm not very good at debate. Verbal communication is not my forte. If I can put it in writing I'm fine, I can hold my own, but to have to speak? I'll lose every time. My mother likes verbal battles and I believe that's why I don't. It didn't matter what I said when I was growing up, I could never 'win'. I am working on my verbal skills.
My SO loves to speak aloud about fantasies, which, of course, turns me on. He has asked me, if his words turn ME on, what would MY words do to him? Well, duh! Logic answers that question, but I just can't force the words out and I don't know why.
I tend to procrastinate, but I put my heart and soul into everything I do. That includes love, friendship and writing.
In the last year I've had to keep a lot of things to myself, things I didn't think I would have to keep bottled up. For the sake of my relationship, those things need to remain inside my mind, at least for the time being.
For the last 3 months I've struggled with that, because I do have a partner, a person, I can, in theory, share every thought with. I've discovered, along my little self journey, that isn't the case. There is NO ONE you can share EVERY thought with. I've come to accept that fact, even if I don't happen to like it much. I've analyzed my thoughts, as I'm prone to do, and found the 'solutions', if you will, to what I perceived were problems, within the problems themselves. It doesn't make much sense, except within my own mind, I guess.
I've also learned, over the last year, to be careful who I trust. It's sad. I've been betrayed in ways, and by people, I never, in a million years, dreamed of. Until I met my SO, I let ONE RL person (not my ex) see the real me (well, almost all of the real me, there were still things I held back). Between that person and family my trust level has been shot all to hell.
The crux of it all is I still love them. Unconditional love causes pain sometimes. I won't be around that person, I won't subject myself to any more hurt, but I wish that person all the best in their life and I still love them with all the love I have always felt for them.
My family is my family and I love them regardless. They just won't be privy to anything else.
I keep things to myself now. I wander in and out of depression. My family says I've changed, and not for the better. I just hold things inside myself. What's the point of letting them in if they are going to share it with the world? I put on my smile, I AM Smiley, after all, and be happy, even when I'm not. Don't get me wrong here, though, for the most part I am happy. I just go through spells. I like to talk, I like to share, and not being able to do that kills me.
I'll wrap this up now. I bet y'all are thrilled.
Hope I didn't bore you to tears. ~Minx
I'm not sure how well it would fit into essays or non-erotic. Maybe make it like an entry for a personal's ad or something and enter it into Letters? (probably not making much sense here, but I know what I mean...)
minsue said:You're definitely NOT alone there, Minx. Why do you think there are so many blogging sites?
angelicminx said:
drksideofthemoon said:
angelicminx said:
