I'm bored....
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LMAO well...then I'll make your day...yes...you confused the hell out of me! LOLRocknRoll said:
firestorm71 said:
Woot *does a little dance* - below is an extract from a short story I wrote with some preamble:
"This is a set of short stories I wrote for a friend, for her 18th birthday. It’s a sort of "Old Testament" style mock holy book, it is not meant to be derogatory to any religion, its just a religious based humour... saying that, if you are offended by this material, you have been pre-warned!
This extract is 2 full short stories with a very weird sense of humour, the first is "The Tale of Kings" and the 2nd is "The most pointless story ever told" and the teachings of the prophet Zib
Hope you enjoy!!! And if you’re really un-lucky I might post more!!!! "
The Tale of Kings
In the land of ‘Fuzzy Bunny’, or the holy land in the third age, there lived three wise kings. They were called ‘Thomas the elder’, ‘Thomas the younger’ and ‘Elizabeth that girl that is trying to become king’. The two Thomas ruled side by side. Thomas the elder was concerned with international affairs, and Thomas the younger was concerned with shagging his wife and making sure people didn’t riot too much. The girl Elizabeth, who was the daughter of a shoemaker, was very annoyed with this all male dictatorship so she went up to them on palace open day, a wondrous occasion that involves lots of booze and cheap food, and said to them
“Look here, this ain’t right! You cannot have two men ruling over a population of both men and women, you need an even balance!” Thomas the elder looked at the girl, and ordered for her head to be cut off! But she must first be allowed to have a cup of tea, which was the custom in them old days. So the girl sat down and had a cup of tea, and it was a very nice cup of tea. The tea leaves were from India, the milk was from china, the sugar from Africa, the cup was made of steel from Britain and the spoon was from New Orleans, which wasn’t built for another three hundred years, so it makes one wonder what the hell it was doing there in the first place! But I digress.
Soon after the tea was finished, a huge guard, nearly seven-foot height and eight foot across the chest (!) grabbed her, and dragged her off to be executed. But the young Elizabeth had other ideas; she took the steel cup she had drunk the tea out of and whacked the guard round the head with it. The guard fell to the floor, and Elizabeth processed to kick Thomas the younger in the [censored for decency!]. And so Lizzy, as she became know, married Thomas the Elder. The three of them ruled with a steel cup and a pocket of soft rose petals.
The most pointless story ever told
An old man sat in front of the fire, with a group of small children around him.
“Are we ready children?” he asked. The all nodded. “I’ll begin.” The old man coughed, and prepared to retell the greatest story ever told, the story of the last great profit to earth, according to some denominations of Graceism, who of course, have the right to believe whatever they like! “Well, there was this guy, and he was sort of born to this man and woman, whose names I can’t remember” He paused, and then with sudden excitement “AND OH! YES! There was something special about the birth,” the excitement died “but I can’t quite remember what it was now. Oh well”
“So this child did some great things, then he was killed for saying something or other.” The old man paused again “or was it for some other reason?” The children around the man looked at him in bewilderment
“What the Bob is he on about?” whispered one
“How should I know!” replied another
“AND THE NAME,” said the old man with forcefulness to try and cut thought the whispers “the name was, the name was…” The old man fell asleep
“JEFF COBBLER!” exclaimed, the old man, a few hours later
“Last orders!” called the landlord ringing the bell
“Pint of Whiskey please bar tender!” said the old man.
If there is anything to be learned from this tale, it is, only take whiskey in shots, and not pints…
The Prophet Zib
Here are the guidelines and instructions laid down by the Great Zib
When praising Grace, you should face east, and hop on one leg. It is recommended you should either do this in a park or a crowded shopping centre. The more embarrassment you cause yourself, the more Grace will be pleased with your parsing.
When taking part in payer, at no time is it permitted for you to eat a hamster! The eating of hamsters during payer is punishable by having the offender’s sim card removed form the mobile phone! Eating Hamsters at any other times is permitted.
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Guttergoddess
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I don't suppose you are ever bored, are you? Seems like all the little voices prolly keep you very occupied.
candiman40
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Shameless Bump to get you back where you belong dearest --
Guttergoddess
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you can bump me anytime....
Guttergoddess
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I didn't say I didn't like it...I said your little voices are creative. 
candiman40
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Guttergoddess said:
I'd ask for it in writing -- but I'm sure I don't need it
candiman40
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where'd you go GG - scared you away ?? -- yeah right 
Guttergoddess
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you know I don't scare that easily... 
candiman40
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Thats a fact !!
