I'm at a loss ...

[SoCopasetic]

How to adjust. I've been married for 26 years. I can't see past my husband sexually. I desire him to no end. You see I had shame when it came to sex. He had patience with me and taught me to be open and showed me it was ok to enjoy sex. He was patient and attentive. Sex became something I hungered. Sex was something we did well together. He showed me that it was okay to have sex not the only for my partners satisfaction. He showed me that I could cum, he showed my that I could have mind blowing orgasms, that I could ejaculate. Even after so many years I couldn't wait to bring him to the edge and I couldn't wait for him to make me cum. Last April that all came to an abrupt end. Not because I didn't desire him, I want him so badly. But he's changed. You see, he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. In fact he was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer. I still can't see past him but due to treatments sexually he's not the same. I miss him so much sexually. I desire as much as ever before and I let him know daily. I care for him in every way needed at this point and will never allow him to feel less than he is to me. The things I would do to him if only he could are the things I've always done for him. He is the object of my desire. With that said I have squashed my sexual desire as his Heath has squashed his ability. I think it's best for me to stop doing that. To take time to myself. To touch slowly until I find pleasure in myself. But I when I do I want him all the more. I don't know why I'm posting this. I feel so deeply his loss, touching myself brings me guilt. I'm not sure why I'm posting this. Inform yourselves about prostate cancer. While my husband suffers far beyond what I'm feeling, it is a disease that becomes a couples disease.

 

[BabblingBrooke]

That's a lot to have going on. I have no advice other than to encourage you to love him, take care of yourself, and get through one day at a time.

I agree with your point that diseases like these certainly gave effects on more than just the person diagnosed. They are couples diseases and family diseases.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

She's a modern self-absorbed gal.

Shit happens, baby-cakes.

 

[Penuche]

<snip> Last April that all came to an abrupt end. Not because I didn't desire him, I want him so badly. But he's changed. You see, he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. In fact he was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer. I still can't see past him but due to treatments sexually he's not the same. I miss him so much sexually. I desire as much as ever before and I let him know daily. I care for him in every way needed at this point and will never allow him to feel less than he is to me. The things I would do to him if only he could are the things I've always done for him. He is the object of my desire. With that said I have squashed my sexual desire as his Heath has squashed his ability. <snip> While my husband suffers far beyond what I'm feeling, it is a disease that becomes a couples disease.

I suggest that you look up the well spouse association (their motto is"when one is sick, two need help"). http://www.wellspouse.org/

You won't get easy answers, but you're bound to find somebody who's been in a situation like yours and might be able to offer a way of working out what you do next.

FWIW my father in law was diagnosed with prostate cancer just as it was about to migrate to the bone, and although in many ways he's been very lucky (10 years cancer free, touch wood) the treatment has badly affected his physical ability to have penetrative sex, although the desire is still there, and my inlaws still manage to have some sort of sex life - not the same as before, though.

There are things which can be used - pumps, viagra, a testosterone injection (to offset the effect of a hormone implant which keeps the cancer from recurring), but none of it's a perfect solution and, unfortunately, you and your husband will have to work your own way through it. Good luck.

 

[rthnck]

You say you've opened up sexually so here is the opportunity to be open to finding a way to make a new normal. Many couples deal with impotence so now you have to look at vibrators, dildos, tongue and fingers as the main players in sexual intimacy. There are many roads to sexual satisfaction. Find a new road and enjoy the journey.

 

[amofiga]

SoCopasetic

That was a very open, intimate, and touching post. I feel for you and for your husband's suffering. Yes cancer in any form is a "couples" disease whether prostate cancer for men or uterine cancer or breast cancer for women. The fact that you can be so open about it is amazing. It should also be a wake up call for everybody, men and women to see your doctor regularly and take care of your health. All the best to you.

 

[sybarite_1]

Another journey along life's road.
I know that lesbians get off really hard and they have no penis.
Can a guy wear a strap on?
The sybian vibrator is the platinum standard for females. Costly but works and built for a lifetime. I bought the locking storage case as well. The case comes with a stool so the partner can sit and stroke the person on the sybian.
If he has no erection, there is a device that the sybian company makes for men. It is a suction device that masturbates the penis. Some guys swear by it.
Check out the website.
All the best to you both.
The journey doesn't end, it's just different.