I'm an asshole and Im proud of it

[Phoenyx]

Folks, I’d like to sing a song about the Canadian Dream
About me, about you
About the way my Canadian heart beats way down in the bottom of me chest
About that special feeling I get in the cockles of me heart
Maybe below the cockles,
Maybe in the sub cockle area,
Maybe in the liver, maybe in the kidneys,
Maybe even in the colon, I don’t know

I’m just a regular Joe, with a regular job
I’m your average white, suburbanite slop
I like football and porno and books about war
I got an average house, with a nice hardwood floor
My wife and my job, my kids and my car
My feet on my table, and a Cuban cigar

But sometimes that just ain’t enough to keep a man like me interested
(oh no, no way, uh uh)
No I gotta go out and have fun at someone else’s expense
(woah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah)
I drive really slow in the ultra fast lane
While people behind me are going insane

I’m an asshole (he’s an asshole)
I’m an asshole (he’s an asshole, such an asshole)

I use public toilets and I piss on the seat
I walk around in the summer time saying “how about this heat Eh”

I’m an asshole (he’s an asshole)
I’m an asshole (he’s the world’s biggest asshole)

Sometimes I park in the handicap spaces
While handicapped people make handicap faces

I’m an asshole (he’s an asshole)
I’m an asshole (he’s a real fucking asshole)

Maybe I shouldn’t be singing this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they’re right when they tell me I’m wrong
Nah

I’m an asshole (he’s an asshole)
I’m an asshole (he’s the world’s biggest asshole)

You know what I’m gonna do
I’m gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac Eldorado convertible
Hot pink, with whale skin hubcaps and all leather cow interior
And make brown baby seal lions for head lights (yeah)
And I’m gonna drive in that baby at 115 miles per hour
Gettin' 1 mile per gallon,
Sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonald’s
In the old fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers
And when I’m done sucking down those greeseball burgers
I’m gonna wipe my mouth with the Canadian flag
And then I’m gonna toss the styrofoam containers right out the side and there ain’t a goddamn thing anybody can do about it
You know why? Because we’ve got the beaver, that’s why
2 words, nuclear fuckin’ pussy, OK?
Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want
They can have a big democracy cakewalk right through the middle of Tinian Square and it won’t make a lick of difference
Because we’ve got the pussy, OK?

Truedeaus not dead, he’s frozen, and as soon as we find a cure for cancer We’re gonna thaw out the P.E.T. and he’s gonna be pretty pissed off, You know why,
Have you ever taken a cold shower, well multiply that by 15 million times That’s how pissed off the P.E.T.'s gonna be!
I'm gonna get the P.E.T., and John Diefenbaker,and Joe Clark, and a case of whiskey, and drive down to Etobicoke...

(Hey! You know, you really are an asshole!)
Why don't you just shut up and sing the song, pal?
I’m an asshole (he’s an asshole)
I’m an asshole (he’s the world’s biggest asshole)

A-S-S-H-O-L-E
Everybody
A-S-S-H-O-L-E

I’m an asshole and I’m proud of it

 

[thumbs2_ca]

yup

You had me singing right along with you.. too funny

 

[sunstruck]

I love the bit he does about being called into his son's catholic school because the boy was singing that song.
"Do you know this song Mr. Leary"
"Know it? Honey I wrote it!"

 

[RawHumor]

I love the bit he does about being called into his son's catholic school because the boy was singing that song.
"Do you know this song Mr. Leary"
"Know it? Honey I wrote it!"

I've never heard that! LOL That's funny!

 

[sunstruck]

I love all things Leary. He makes every movie he's in. Even the bad ones!

 

[RawHumor]

I love all things Leary. He makes every movie he's in. Even the bad ones!

Speaking of Leary, is his series still on? I haven't seen it in a while and I wasn't sure if it got cancelled or what.

 

[Phoenyx]

Its a slightly reworked Canadian Version.
Take a look at the highlighted part and the names.