Illiterate Putdowns (Or, "Putdowns for the Rest of Us")

[shereads]

"Richard is a asehole."

~ anonymous, posted in restaurant toilet stall, South Miami, Florida 2004

 

[Guest]

 

[Svenskaflicka]

"Look what the cat dragged in", or, as my grandmother used to say: "Look, the cat pooped on the chair".

Don't get it? Well, what would YOU least of all like to be compared to - a cat's prey or a cat's poo?

 

[minsue]

Don't get it? Well, what would YOU least of all like to be compared to - a cat's prey or a cat's poo?

Hee hee! I love that you explained it for anyone too illiterate to understand.

 

[shereads]

Hee hee! I love that you explained it for anyone too illiterate to understand.

Silly, she was translating it from the Swedish.

 

[shereads]

Here's an illiterate putdown typical of regions where the predominant language is still Rumantsch-Grischu. Note the intentional mis-use of the word, "vegn." These people are a hoot, aren't they?

"Vus era vegnis a Richardezzo ma pli tard jau vegn a dar ladina e friulana."

For those of you whose studies of the so-called "Rhaeto-Romance" languages was limited to undergraduate school, I've provided a loose translation:

"Richard is a asehole."

 

[Svenskaflicka]

"I hate you so much, I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire!"

 

[Guest]

"I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce."

"I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth."

"I'll try being more nicer if you'll try being more smarterer."

Edited to add a couple more.

 

[Belegon]

If you were drowning I'd throw you an anvil.

 

[rgraham666]

If your IQ is room temperature, it's cold in here.

 

[Weird Harold]

The ultimate illiterate put down...

"Are TOO!"

 

[Liar]

What the fuck, if anything, is NOT your problem?

You're not a nice person. Wait, strike "nice".

 

[Guest]

 

[Svenskaflicka]

"What colour is the sky on your planet?"

 

[Guest]

"Ahhh...I see the mess-up fairy has visited us again..."

"I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap."

 

[Boxlicker101]

Written on a boulder by the road:

STINKY STINKS BAD

 

[Svenskaflicka]

"You're ugly and stupid and I don't like you!"



OK; I'm not trying anymore.

 

[gauchecritic]

Shut the fuck up before I fucking shut you up

 

[Guest]

Please tell me most of you grew up hearing or saying,

"I know you are, but what am I?"

Perdita

 

[Guest]

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Actually never heard that until Pee Wee Herman came along.

Dito, but... Bart Simpson. (Yes, I'm young!)

 

[Boxlicker101]

Please tell me most of you grew up hearing or saying,

"I know you are, but what am I?"

Perdita

I don't think I ever heard that and I know I never said it. I was in my forties when I read it in a comic strip.

 

[Guest]

"I know you are, but what am I?"

Well, maybe it's a Detroit thing. It's what you answered whenever anyone called you names.

Perdita

 

[shereads]

Re: The ultimate illiterate put down...

"Are TOO!"

Am NOT!

Are too.

Am NOT, but YOU ARE!

No, YOU are.

Shut up!

(Basic sibling communication)

 

[shereads]

Re: "I know you are, but what am I?"

Well, maybe it's a Detroit thing. It's what you answered whenever anyone called you names.

Perdita

Goodness, Box. That's a basic sibling communication, too. It's one stage beyond Am not/Are too, and represents the birth of sarcasm. It's a difficult birth, and with some siblings it's a wasted effort. The end of the argument is still "Shut up!"