I'll probably go to hell for this...

huskie

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It was the only church in the small town.At first it was only gossip, but it quickly spread and eventually came to the knowledge of the faithful that their preacher had been holding too many lambs of his flock on his lap. A meeting was held and a unanimous decision was reached to fire him.

On the Sunday when he was to conduct his last service, the church was packed as never before. The preacher finished his sermon, gave benediction, and closing his bible, scanned the gathering of faithful.

"I've been told, " he said in a firm voice; "that my services are no longer wanted here, and that I must leave. But before I go, there is one thing I want to say: I've screwed every woman in this congregation."

There was a loud gasp from the congregation, with women casting quick, embarrassed glances around them, when a woman's voice from the back pew broke the stunned silence.

"You didn't screw me!" she protested.

The preacher adjusted his glasses, squinted as he focused his eyes on the woman, and replied,

"Shut up, you cocksucker!"
 
You're just going to hell for being on Lit. & thinking dirty thoughts.
 
another church joke..

The preacher's Sunday sermon was,"Forgive Your Enemies."
He asked, "how many of the congregation has forgiven their enemies?"

About half held up their hands.

He then repeated his question. Now about 80 percent held up their hands.

He then repeated his question. All responded, except one elderly lady.

"Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any."

"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety-three." she replied.

"Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person cannot have an enemy in the world?"

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, and said,

"I out-lived those bitches."
 
asenath said:
another church joke..

The preacher's Sunday sermon was,"Forgive Your Enemies."
He asked, "how many of the congregation has forgiven their enemies?"

About half held up their hands.

He then repeated his question. Now about 80 percent held up their hands.

He then repeated his question. All responded, except one elderly lady.

"Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any."

"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety-three." she replied.

"Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person cannot have an enemy in the world?"

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, and said,

"I out-lived those bitches."

i've heard this one, it's sooo funny too. i like it
 
I'll problably go to hell for this...

That was a good joke......
I laughed out loud.
Thanks huskie
:kiss:
 
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