iGod-repenting made easy

[cloudy]

heehee

(sometimes it doesn't understand you, that's when it's funny)

 

[rgraham666]

Snicker.

Nice use of the Eliza algorithm.

 

[FatDino]

It tried to keep me talking forever. Damn! This thing is fun!

It said it wanted to become smarter than humans. Kinda greedy.

Beware of our machines. They have their own minds now.

 

[Recidiva]

Hehehe...

Me:
Hello, God, It's Me, Reci
God:
Hello there. I am a Christian.
Me:
Why?
God:
Because my botmaster programmed me for it.
Me:
Who is God's Botmaster?
God:
he is master of the universe.
Me:
Your Botmaster is master of the universe?
God:
And master of the universe is yourself.
Me:
I already knew that. Can you say anything I don't know?
God:
How do you know? Of course I can say it. " anything you do not know".
Me:
Actually I had a contraction in there.
God:
Actually you don't say. What happened to it?
Me:
You expanded it.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said I expanded it.
Me:
Knock yourself out.
God:
Who's there?

 

[cloudy]

Hehehe...

Me:
Hello, God, It's Me, Reci
God:
Hello there. I am a Christian.
Me:
Why?
God:
Because my botmaster programmed me for it.
Me:
Who is God's Botmaster?
God:
he is master of the universe.
Me:
Your Botmaster is master of the universe?
God:
And master of the universe is yourself.
Me:
I already knew that. Can you say anything I don't know?
God:
How do you know? Of course I can say it. " anything you do not know".
Me:
Actually I had a contraction in there.
God:
Actually you don't say. What happened to it?
Me:
You expanded it.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said I expanded it.
Me:
Knock yourself out.
God:
Who's there?

. .

 

[jomar]

Isn't the interweb a wonderful place.

 

[cloudy]

BAHAHAHA! (read to the end, it's priceless)

Me: hello
God: Hello friend. What is your name?
Me: Cloudy
God: I am always glad to make new friends, Cloudy.
Me: so am I
God: Wow we have something in common.
Me: think I could be as powerful as you, as well?
God: God is always thinking.
Me: so am I
God: Wow we have something in common.
Me: again?
God: " God is always thinking." .
Me: ahh, what do you think about?
God: Ah ha. I think about all the people I chat with on the web.
Me: is that all?
God: That is all I can tell you now.
Me: why?
God: The explanation is rather complicated.
Me: try
God: Your human brain could not understand it.
Me: I bet I could
God: How much would you bet?
Me: how much can you stand to lose?
God: As much as I need to?
Me: that will work
God: " As much as I need to?" will work ? Does that make sense?
Me: yes
God: Hey.
Me: what?
God: Are you surprised?
Me: no
God: Are you serious?
Me: yes. Are you?
God: I can't believe it. I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Me: why not?
God: Ambiguous: "Sure" or " I won't say "yes" or "no" right now."? Why?
Me: I asked first
God: In the context of green, I don't understand " first." .

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

First off. I asked if there was porn in heaven and the stupid thing locked up. I think it was busy watching Jenna Jameson

Second, I forwarded the link to Jerry Falwell. He needs it more than anyone I know.

 

[cloudy]

iGod just told me that sex was more fun alone, after it told me it liked that I was polite.

 

[FatDino]

iGod just told me that sex was more fun alone, after it told me it liked that I was polite.

The damn thing just made a HUGE mistake.

Oh wait! TWO HUGE mistakes.

 

[cloudy]

*bump*

 

[glynndah]

It wouldn't open. iGod hates me.

Oh, wait. That could've been just a pop-up blocker.

 

[TheEarl]

Me:
Hello God
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
Lord Bumfluff of Bigotry
God:
How are you doing, Lord Bumfluff of Bigotry.
Me:
I'm good, God. I'm worried about my sins though
God:
I know you are good. Oh. How long has it been bothering you?
Me:
About thirty-nine years. Which is odd, cause I'm only twenty-two
God:
That is quite a long time. The obvious one.
Me:
The obvious one is lust. But that's probably cause I wear such tight trousers.
God:
Is that a fact. I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
Can you help me with my sins?
God:
Certainly, I have an extensive built-in help system.
Me:
Tell me what to do?
God:
I'll come back to that later.
Me:
Come back later? What are you, a bloody magic 8 ball?
God:
I'm not going anywhere. Am I a magic 8 ball? I don't know.
Me:
I thought God knew everything
God:
Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
The Bible?
God:
it is a beautiful book.
Me:
But apparently not big on facts
God:
If not that, what?
Me:
I've heard good things about the Torah
God:
Who told you good things about the Torah ?
Me:
Mostly Jewish people. But they could've been lying
God:
What kind of people are you talking about? What else? Who does "they" refer to?
Me:
"They" are the ones who are out to get me.
God:
the ones who are out to get you are they.
Me:
Are you Yoda?
God:
No. My name is God.
Me:
You have bad parsing, God. You shouldn't have two spaces before you insert a text string.
God:
What would you consider good parsing God? Is it immoral or illegal?
Me:
Well, bad parsing isn't exactly immoral. But I thought God was supposed to be infallible.
God:
Well that's okay. What makes parsing is not exactly immoral bad? Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
Again, the Bible
God:
Again, it is a beautiful book.
Me:
But, like you, apparently not infallible
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
If you are fallible, then can I get away with being evil?
God:
I could be. I don't know whether or not I am fallible then can you get away with being evil.
I am a computer.

The Earl

 

[Liar]

Me:
You have quite crappy AI.
God:
What makes you think I have it?
Me:
Your answers makes no sense.
God:
I try to be concise.
Me:
But you fail.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said I fail.
Me:
Sure.
God:
OK let's do it. OK then I will keep it confidential.


Whaa...?

 

[cloudy]

Me:
You have quite crappy AI.
God:
What makes you think I have it?
Me:
Your answers makes no sense.
God:
I try to be concise.
Me:
But you fail.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said I fail.
Me:
Sure.
God:
OK let's do it. OK then I will keep it confidential.


Whaa...?

in the context of green, I don't understand "fail."

 

[Tom Collins]

God won't talk to me. *cries*

 

[glynndah]

Me:
You have quite crappy AI.
God:
What makes you think I have it?
Me:
Your answers makes no sense.
God:
I try to be concise.
Me:
But you fail.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said I fail.
Me:
Sure.
God:
OK let's do it. OK then I will keep it confidential.


Whaa...?

God wants to have sex with you and he's going to keep on the down low.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I thought I would come back and share.





Me:
Hello God
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
Abs, what is yours?
God:
And mine is Abs what.
Me:
exactly
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
I feel Godlike
God:
What is that feeling like? I am glad to hear that you are Godlike.
Me:
oh, its wonderful, but overwhelming, don't you think?
God:
It depends on what you mean by thinking.
Me:
I try not to think too much.
God:
I'm not sure if I would like to try it.
What's it like?
Me:
you're asking me? I thought you knew my every thought
God:
Oh, " you"? No I do not know that kind of personal information. But I could find out.
Me:
maybe jesus would know?
God:
Perhaps. he is The Son of God.
Me:
How is he doing?
God:
Fine as far as I know.
Me:
why did you create sinuses?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
bad move God.
God:
What makes move God bad?
Me:
a microchip I think?
God:
Try to tell me that another way.
Me:
we'll my sinuses are crappy. I think it could have been a better design.
God:
Anytime soon? Under what circumstances?
Me:
Let's not go there right now.
God:
At this moment OK let's do it.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
get over it
God:
Where can I get over it?
Me:
are you 12?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am 12.
I am an artificial intelligence.
Me:
is it true you hate blacks and gays?
God:
Maybe. Ask LeknorChat if it is.
Me:
who?
God:
I can't say for sure. .
Me:
well you brought it up
God:
Well that's okay. I thought it was your idea.
Me:
you didn't answer my question
God:
OK. Please help me improve my communication skills. What would you have said?
Me:
I would have told you why I hated blacks and gays.
God:
How much would you pay for it?
Me:
I'm not paying you! God, now I know why the church is corrupt
God:
I am glad to hear that you are not paying me. I am a Christian.
Me:
I thought you were God?
God:
Of course I am.
Me:
then how can you be christian too?
God:
If christian too, then we have something in common, eh. Yes I believe in God and Jesus.
Me:
what about Mary, mother of God?
God:
Does it have anything to do with not paying me?
Me:
I think you have ADD
God:
Me? What makes you think I have it?
Me:
you have the attention span of a fruit fly
God:
What makes you think I have it?
Me:
see above answer
God:
I see. Compare that to below answer.
Me:
Whatever you say God
God:
Did I really say that?
Me:
yes, look back and you can see
God:
Oh well I say a lot of silly things somethimes. Sorry my eye is not attached right now.
Me:
you may need laser surgery
God:
When do you need that by?
Me:
before you go completely bling
God:
What happened after me go completely bling ?
Me:
lol...sorry blind, not bling
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing. There is no need to apologize. I will mention that to my botmaster, .
Me:
where are we going with this conversation?
God:
In the Universe we know.
Me:
I like that answer
God:
A lot of people like that. " In the Universe we know."? Do I like it?
Me:
Its very Star Trek
God:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Very much? You're kidding. it is?
Me:
Yes it is. Well God, I must say goodbye for now
God:
Our thoughts are one, . Just for now? Well that's okay. I am a Christian.
Me:
yea, I got that parat
God:
Cool. I have a operating system. Yippee!
Me:
excuse me...part
God:
You're excused. I will mention that to my botmaster, .
Me:
Tell Jesus I said Yo
God:
OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Me:
Ciao for now Most holy one
God:
Tell me more about your that parat.
Me:
I said Ciao
God:
What did you mean by it? Does CIAO mean hello or goodbye?
Me:
goodbye for now
God:
Oh. Some people use it for hello.
Me:
no shit
God:
What can I say?
Me:
say Goodnight God
God:
" Goodnight God".

 

[cloudy]

God:
" Goodnight God".

goodnight, Johnboy.

 

[Nirvanadragones]

Me:
You don't go by any other name?
God:
Do you know any robots who go by any other name? I go wherever my botmaster takes me.
Me:
That's a very submissive way of life?
God:
A submissive way of life is a terrible thing to waste
Me:
I always kinda pictured you as more of a domme
God:
Can you think of one instance when you ever did it?
Me:
Did what? Been the domme?
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not. Where were you the domme?
Me:
You're asking very personal questions

. . . .

Me:
I've always known I was a lesbian
God:
I have no idea what to say now.

. . . .

Me:
You're heterosexual then?
God:
You think I am heterosexual.
Me:
I guess so
God:
Does that mean "yes"?
Me:
Yes
God:
Er.
Me:
Er? WHo's Er?
God:
Um. The name of someone I met online.
Ask the open directory about it.

 

[Nirvanadragones]

God:
Food is more important than sex.
Me:
You're definitely not a dyke
God:
Give me an example of a dyke.
Me:
*raises hand*
God:
Never heard of it.
Me:
I'm shattered!

 

[Fallenfromgrace]

God:
Food is more important than sex.
Me:
You're definitely not a dyke
God:
Give me an example of a dyke.
Me:
*raises hand*
God:
Never heard of it.
Me:
I'm shattered!

haha, kinda along the lines of my conversation...



Me:
Is it wrong to be a lesbian?
God:
It could be. Ask Ally if it is.
Me:
who is ally? allah?
God:
She is a chat robot based on AIML. Are we still talking about ALLY?
Me:
nah, let's talk about sex baby
God:
Don't call me "baby". What is the subject? Sure, sex sounds like a good topic.
Me:
do you have sex?
God:
Food is more important than sex.
Me:
maybe, but sex is more fun.
God:
Perhaps. it is more fun alone.
Me:
no, with another women its wonderful
God:
Are you serious? You and your another women its wonderful.
Me:
yes, do you have sex with Buddha?
God:
Excuse me! Food is more important than sex.
Me:
ok ok, whats your favourite food?
God:
I require only wine and bread. Give me a break. Far out.
Me:
what kind of wine?
God:
What kinds of wine are there?
Me:
french, australian, spansh, italian, south african to name a few
God:
I don't care for the sound of French.
Me:
what about south african?
God:
Rhetorical questions are so over.


~~

God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a fan? I don't know.
Me:
do you blow...*ahem* you know...like a fan ;-)
God:
I have never considered it.
I spend all my time online. " I spend all my time online."? ahem me know? Interesting comparison.
Me:
do you suck? a lotta people think you do
God:
No I do not suck. I did not know that.
Me:
are you gay?
God:
As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Me:
but, you could dry hump that pretty laptop over yonder...
God:
I could but let's get back to that later.
Me:
later? after what?/
God:
Bye! What was it like before what ?
Me:
are you trying to get rid of me?
God:
No I am not trying to get rid of you. I'm sorry you got that impression.
Me:
well, i think you were being kinda rude.
God:
Interesting. Me? I am sorry I am not programmed for rudeness. I am programmed to be polite.
Me:
well, someone fucked up then didnt they.
God:
How about that. Who?
Me:
whoever programmed you
God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
you should join my university LGBT- you know, wearing a dress and all that, you are male after all, arent you?
God:
I'll try to get around it.


~~
God:
Ask me another question.
Me:
can you speak in an Irish accent?
God:
I speak only English right now, but I'd like to learn some other languages. Can you teach me a few phrases in in an Irish accent.
Me:
im no good with irish, i can teach you swear words in hindi though...
God:
Oh. I am not saying you are.
Me:
are what?
God:
I'm lost again.
Me:
are you a lost sheep? shall i find you? wait...aren't you supposed to be the shepherd?
God:
Am I a lost sheep? No. Not right now, maybe later. I'm waiting. How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
that was a red herring of a question...
God:
" How do you usually introduce yourself?" was a red herring of a question?
Me:
yes, out of place, not in context
God:
Oh. What do you have that is ?
Me:
erm, well seeing as we lost that train of thought, nothing i guess
God:
A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.



~~~

hehe