If your s/o thinks online/cybersex is cheating, why is it worth the risk?

[hapigirl]

It is a basic question. Why do it? Is it worth the risk of losing your s/o? The reasons you decide to find online lovers or fuck buddies doesn't matter. Do you not feel enough love for your s/o that you care how it will impact them?

On the flip side, why do people stay with cheaters? Is it true, once a cheater always a cheater? Do you think you cannot do better? Are you afraid to leave? Is it possible to get through the pain and trust them again?

If you have stayed with a cheater, did it work out, or did they cheat again?

 

[QSco]

It is a basic question. Why do it? Is it worth the risk of losing your s/o? The reasons you decide to find online lovers or fuck buddies doesn't matter. Do you not feel enough love for your s/o that you care how it will impact them?

On the flip side, why do people stay with cheaters? Is it true, once a cheater always a cheater? Do you think you cannot do better? Are you afraid to leave? Is it possible to get through the pain and trust them again?

If you have stayed with a cheater, did it work out, or did they cheat again?

Not all about the sex. My s.o. and I have very (VERY) different sex drives, but that's not worth ending a relationship over. So we do our own thing, within what's comfortable for each of us. She knows she always comes first, and that I'm going to behave like a responsible individual and remember where how my bread is buttered. Maybe that's more of an evasion than an answer, but it's what I've got.

 

[hapigirl]

Am I misunderstanding your post or are you saying you have permission to have cybersex with other people? If so, that is not cheating.

I am defining cheating as going behind your s/o's back to fill your needs. If you have an agreement to do your own thing, I see that as different.

 

[QSco]

Permission is a funny thing. We've had a discussion, and the end result was that if I need to seek satisfaction elsewhere, she really does not want to know about it. So I suppose, to be more to the point, it boils down to an individual's point of view of betrayal and what constitutes "cheating". She certainly doesn't WANT me to be out there, but would rather I be satisfied, and she doesn't want to hear about it.

If that makes sense.

 

[hapigirl]

If she did not want you to go elsewhere, she would have said *hell no*. You have had a discussion and it ended with *don't ask, don't tell*, it is not cheating to me.

 

[QSco]

Well, with that in mind, it would appear I have no answers to your questions

 

[gotfina]

haipgirl, why do you ask these questions? Did your partner cyber on you behind your back or did you? Is it cheating.. I don`t know... its not honest, nut you have to ask is is somehow justified? i`m never one to be somebody`s else judge.

 

[TexasWife25]

No offense OP, but I think you are not getting a lot of responses because your original post has a lot of judgement in it.

Ive met all sorts of people on this site from all walks of life. The one thing I have found is that life is not as black and white and we all wish to believe.

 

[Kahlo]

No offense OP, but I think you are not getting a lot of responses because your original post has a lot of judgement in it.

Ive met all sorts of people on this site from all walks of life. The one thing I have found is that life is not as black and white and we all wish to believe.

^^ exactly!

Not everything is black and white. Anyone that answers your question (like QSco) is going to get cornered by your very narrow definition of cheating and how you think relationships are supposed to be. There are many shades of gray. The reason that people seek online companionship has a lot to do with it all. By not allowing people to include that explanation, you are basically setting them up to tell them why they are wrong because they are obviously not going to fit your ideal of what a SO should and shouldn't do/be.

 

[hapigirl]

.....

 

[RedButterflySlut]

By no means am I an expert on this, but I have some pretty strongly formed opinions on it.
I'm going to put on rose colored glasses for my interpretation of cheating and online cheating:
I think to a lot of men (and a good number of women) finding a person that can fulfill both your sexual and romantic needs is an almost impossibility. Even if you're able to find someone that can make you happy and agrees with you on every matter of life, that doesn't mean that their sex drive or even outlook on what sex should be is remotely similar.
There's then the choice of leaving them, or trying to find something else on the side.
Some men (and women) choose hiding it, thinking that the other person will never, ever find out. They know it's not right, but they also see it as the only way to continue being in a relationship with someone they care about. A necessary evil to take care of their discontentment. They tell themselves that with a perfect partner, they wouldn't cheat. Maybe they're right, or maybe they're just not wired to be monogamous.
We as human beings tend to believe ourselves to be infallible or even mortal. Very few people can think forward to the direct consequences of cheating, they live in that moment, that enjoyment, they don't see the eventuality of being caught. An animal instinct takes over, they stop thinking.

Rose colored glasses off.

They don't care that they're caught. It doesn't enter into the equation, ever. It's something that they're going to do to make them happy, or just because they can.

I've been told a few times by guys that the girl was okay with 'don't ask don't tell' when reality, she wasn't at all. Both times the guy was eventually caught, and I was made out to be the awful seductress mistress stealing her man away, but in reality I was very concerned about crossing any boundaries. I got blamed, the guy walked away scott free while I looked awful. Luckily I didn't go as far as sleeping with the guy in any of those scenarios, but the minute they got caught, the guy threw me under the bus so they looked better and their girl took them back. -Eyeroll-

As far as why people take cheaters back, I probably would if I cared about the guy. It's not an overly romantic way to look at it, but men are programmed to 'spread their seed' you could say. It's a biological need that some men find hard to control, and I can accept mistakes happening. I'd certainly be upset, but it's a transgression I could overlook.
However, there are other things that matter more to me that another girl might find silly.

 

[Kahlo]

Not me or my partner. A man on the boards was presenting himself as a single man and engaging in cybersex with me. In a rather unique way, I found out he was married. His wife had no idea he had an account separate from their joint account. Now that she knows, I wonder if it is worth it to him.

I doubt the reason he was here, doing what he was doing matters much to him or her now that it is in the open.



I know life is not black and white. It does not change the fact when infidelities are discovered, real people get hurt. I read the threads and realize there are sexless marriages, unfaithful spouses and unhappy marriages. I know that it is not always as easy as leaving, due to kids, finances or 100 other things.

At the end of the day, the reasons for being here behind the back of a spouse or significant other will not mean much when the infidelity is discovered. It is not judgment, it is life.



Did you read my responses to QSco? You are welcome to include your reasons, but at the end of day, if they won't heal the hurt of the spouse or significant other when infidelities come to light, the reasons don't matter.

I'm not passing judgment, they are questions. They might not be fun questions to answer, but they are only questions.

I do not care if men or women on here are married as long as they are honest about it. Let your play partners decide how far they want to go with you. Do not bring them into your drama unwillingly.

You responses to QSco are what prompted my response as he tried to explain to you that his situation is not black and white. Instead of listening objectively, you deemed that it did not fit into the very narrow definition of what you are looking for.. Just like QSco, most people here have a situation that is not black and white. Not everyone is in a don't ask/don't tell situation, but everyone has more to their story than what you want to hear.

"Do you not love your SO enough?" that is a question riddled with judgement. More often than not, it has nothing at all to do with the love you have or don't have for your partner..

"The reasons you decide to find online lovers or fuck buddies doesn't matter." Certainly you are not looking to understand the true dynamics of why people seek out online "playmates" if you already decide that those reasons don't matter without even hearing them.. again.. far from objective.

Certainly you have a hidden agenda, or something specific you are alluding to, to which anyone that tries to answer your questions honestly and openly is going to be made wrong, because by virtue, you have already decided that people seeking out an online playmate is in the wrong as you have already decided that it doesn't matter why they do it.. You only want to know if they don't love their SO, or have considered their feelings. There is a whole lot more than that involved.

 

[TexasWife25]

Dear OP
Please understand I mean this in the nicest way.


Get over it


Seriously, you have 125 posts and a significant number of them are angry posts about the specific user this thread is about, you confront both him and his spouse in threads as well as rant about him in others. Please recognize that this kind of behavior isnt healthy for you.

 

[TexasWife25]

Also, I dont think you will find anyone willing to condemn him without, at the very least hearing his side "of the story".

 

[Corbal]

I'll do you one better.

This TWAT sent me an unsolicited message in regards to this very subject.

Why? I still don't have a FUCKING clue.

She sent me a message asking if I had spoken with a Litster via PM or on Yahoo.

She claimed she was in a relationship with this man and he told her she was his only lady. She felt he was cheating and for whatever reason wanted to know if was me.

While I'm a fabulous cyber cocksucker, , I don't even know who the fucking guy is.

I told her to grow the fuck up. Had I spoken to the person private it was none of her fucking business.

Simple enough.

But... she fucking replied. The bitch has balls. I like that quality in any person.

In her second message to me she said that she was simply asking around Lit for the cheating Users wife. Well, isn't that fucking special.

Now, while I don't think its fucking awesome to cheat on your spouse, I really don't think its awesome to do what has been done here either. I am married. My husband knows about Lit. I was here most when weren't living together. I have NEVER hidden the fact that I am here. I've even suggested he get an account. To my knowledge he does not have one, but... I could be wrong. I DON'T FUCKING CARE. We are at that point in our lives. DON'T LIKE IT? FUCK YOU. Intelligent; aren't I?

What this broad is doing is wrong. She got involved with a married guy (whether she knew about it previously is beyond me) but at some point this fucking schmuck's wife and her got together and are now trolling Lit to get some random information on him from people that don't even fucking know him.

With that said, I'll say it again, grow the fuck up, OP. You're not going to get some grand fucking man hating pow-wow from us because you got butthurt by some scheming man. You need to pick your fucking chin up and move on. Your actions are shoving you below the dirt where this poor fucker is now residing. Consider this... you aren't even his WIFE. Let her do her own dirty work. Don't get involved because when they get back together; you'll be yesterday's news.

Live and Learn.

 

[Sensualdreamer]

WHERE is the LOVE option when you need it?

Dear OP
Please understand I mean this in the nicest way.


Get over it


Seriously, you have 125 posts and a significant number of them are angry posts about the specific user this thread is about, you confront both him and his spouse in threads as well as rant about him in others. Please recognize that this kind of behavior isnt healthy for you.

 

[Kahlo]

WHERE is the LOVE option when you need it?

Haha.. I was just thinking to myself "damn we need a 'like' button here".. lol

 

[TexasWife25]

LOL! I all of you.

this thread just needs something ....

...


http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-LwJGbGFxz-4/T4l-CH86krI/AAAAAAAATgw/uF_vcq_5XGE/s1600/ctpmt.jpg

 

[Sensualdreamer]

Haha.. I was just thinking to myself "damn we need a 'like' button here".. lol

LoL well I was gonna say "love button" but damn that would've been funny sounding

LOL! I all of you.

this thread just needs something ....

...


http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-LwJGbGFxz-4/T4l-CH86krI/AAAAAAAATgw/uF_vcq_5XGE/s1600/ctpmt.jpg

Ouch! That gives a new image of taking it up the ass - well almost

~~~

Goofy thing in all this the guy hasn't even posted to Lit in over a year and she's making a big to do about it. It's freaking cybersex

 

[TexasWife25]

Goofy thing in all this the guy hasn't even posted to Lit in over a year and she's making a big to do about it. It's freaking cybersex

Hey! He had excellent grammar. The way he used his comma's ... *swoon*

 

[Vixxennn]

I feel bad (although I don't really...) that this thread makes me happy...

And the fact that it is pretty much all girls telling this lady to get a life.

 

[Sensualdreamer]

I feel bad (although I don't really...) that this thread makes me happy...

And the fact that it is pretty much all girls telling this lady to get a life.

LoL I think the way to phrase it might be "It's pretty much all ladies telling this girl to get a life"
only for the fact that she's behaving less than adult like w/ her online hissyfit she's having

 

[hapigirl]

.....

 

[Kahlo]

I will have to remember it is acceptable to call out the person gathering information on the cheater, but not acceptable to call out the cheater on the Literotica boards.

Pot meet Kettle.

If he had been upfront with me none of this would have happened. Now his wife is aware of his extra-curricular activities and I'm almost through here.

Do not hold your breath, he will not be coming to give his side of the story. I think his ego has been damaged.

Had it not been for you bringing your drama onto the boards, no one would have said anything or even given a shit. People here actually like to have conversations in threads, and when you pose a loaded question (especially one that alienates a lot of members of the board) only for the purpose of serving your own drama filled agenda, you are going to get people that are annoyed by it. You are the one that made your crap public, if you don't want to hear what people have to say about it then keep it in pm where it should have been all along.

 

[TexasWife25]

I will have to remember it is acceptable to call out the person gathering information on the cheater, but not acceptable to call out the cheater on the Literotica boards.

Pot meet Kettle.

If he had been upfront with me none of this would have happened. Now his wife is aware of his extra-curricular activities and I'm almost through here.

Do not hold your breath, he will not be coming to give his side of the story. I think his ego has been damaged.

It sounds like you took a wrong turn on google. This is an erotic internet forum, for people who want to talk/flirt/discuss/explore sex, not match.com.

Its not ok for you to thread stalk someone because you thought a round of dirty chat meant he was planning to bring you home to mom.

No one likes a whiner.