If you lost your spouse...what would you do?

[curious2c]

My wife and I were talking today, about if one of us died, what they thought the other should do, or would need to do.

Her answer to this question surprised me, in that she thinks I would have to find another woman to share my life with. Her view is that I would need a woman around me to keep as she put it...sane.

I am not too sure about her thoughts on this, although she may be partly correct about my sanity. Her thoughts on herself we were in agreement on. She doesn't think she would want anyone else. She has a grandchild and the kids, and she has such a low sex drive that she feels that wouldn't be an issue. Since I knew that her 'needs' have always been pretty much fulfilled by me, and (not bragging here) then some. At least for the last twenty years...

How about you and your SO? Would you expect them or yourself to date, perhaps find another SO for a permanent relationship?

 

[nike]

I'm in her boat. I would expect my SO to find someone else eventually, too. I want him ot always be taken care of.

But I'm pretty sure that I would/couldnt be with someone else.
Of course I would be lying if I said that there wasnt a possiblity of me finding someone. But it would be really hard for me to move on. I could move on from a break up, but I would be unconsolable for a long time if he died.

 

[Debbie]

I have faced the possibility of losing bigrednz,
nearly lost him four years ago.
It would be devastating.

But life goes on. And if I lost bigrednz or I passed away?
I would want him to be happy. If he found someone?
I would be very happy for him.

Would I date again? Eventually.

 

[#1tankcomander]

Life goes on. Don't think either MG or I would remarry! Both of us just wanna have fun!

 

[kotori]

There are very few single men in retirement homes or senior housing or assisted living communities or whatever you want to call them. The men always seem to find another spouse, whether it's just for companionship or lack of domestic skills or whatever. Women seems to do okay.

It may be a generational thing. My mom's in her mid-70s. She's having a great time. It's the first time in her life she's ever lived by herself. Maybe women from my generation and younger will feel differently--the "been-there-done-that" aspect.

 

[Guest]

I did lose him! Best damn day of my life! I smile every time I wake up and don't see his face! Karma's a bitch, and she's paying him back big time! Life is good!

 

[Nora]

This reminds me of the old joke (which I will now repost, even though all of you have read it in your email at least 8,000 times):

"Dear," said the wife. "What would you do if I died?"

"Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why do you ask such a question?"

"Would you remarry?" persevered the wife.

"No, of course not, dear" said the husband.

"Don't you like being married?" said the wife.

"Of course I do, dear" he said.

"Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

"Alright," said the husband, "I'd remarry."

"You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt.

"Yes" said the husband.

"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long pause.

"Well yes, I suppose I would." replied the husband.

"I see," said the wife indignantly. "And would you let her wear my old clothes?"

"I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband.

"Really," said the wife icily. "And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?"

"Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do."

"Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too."

"Of course not, dear," said the husband. "She's left-handed."

 

[RosevilleCAguy]

If I lost my spouse, I'd go to customer services.

Usually, I find lost stuff there.

 

[Sillyman]

I'd wither away and die.

 

[fallin_snow]

My wife and I were talking today, about if one of us died, what they thought the other should do, or would need to do.

i would hurt.. heal.... and then do what i need to do in life to move on if i lost him..

i know life does not end when your so dies... but for a while it will stand still and not be real..

that is when the ones that truly do love you is needed..

lost father in law and know what mother in law went thure. and still going thure but i am a strong person and love her dearly and getting her out of her self imposed shell.. and wow she is thriving..

just my thoughts...

 

[MercyMia]

we've talked about this, too. i think he should re-marry, but carefully. he doesn't realize how special his needs are. if he preceded me, i know i would take a long time to process my grief, to honor those feelings, before i thought about being with someone else. i'd probably depend on friends and family to get me through that dark time.

we've talked about this, and i know that we can't say with certainty what we would do should one die first. we both agree that that's beyond our control right now.

you talked a little about "needs" though, so perhaps you are asking what we would do sexually if our SO died? i'd be so bereft for a long time that i'm sure my sexuality would go dormant. i'll have to ask him though because he's more easily ehh aroused than i am

 

[Spinaroonie]

I would look in the last place that I put them.

 

[curious2c]

This reminds me of the old joke (which I will now repost, even though all of you have read it in your email at least 8,000 times):

"Dear," said the wife. "What would you do if I died?"

"Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why do you ask such a question?"

"Would you remarry?" persevered the wife.

"No, of course not, dear" said the husband.

"Don't you like being married?" said the wife.

"Of course I do, dear" he said.

"Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

"Alright," said the husband, "I'd remarry."

"You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt.

"Yes" said the husband.

"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long pause.

"Well yes, I suppose I would." replied the husband.

"I see," said the wife indignantly. "And would you let her wear my old clothes?"

"I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband.

"Really," said the wife icily. "And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?"

"Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do."

"Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too."

"Of course not, dear," said the husband. "She's left-handed."

LMAO! Funny...hadn't heard this one for a long time. So true in one particular case of a guy at work just recently too. heh heh

 

[marksgirl]

Life goes on. Don't think either MG or I would remarry! Both of us just wanna have fun!

What he said!

 

[LukkyKnight]

~LOL~ @Nora's story.

Having endured a spousectomy I'm not in a position to comment authoritatively on what I'd do if I "lost" a spouse. I'm not opposed to finding another one (so long as she's left-handed) but it's not my current priority, either.

 

[curious2c]

We talked some more last night while holding the grandbaby. My feelings on this are a bit mixed. While I am sure that eventually I would go on and maybe even find someone else...I don't think it would happen very soon. My wife said that she thinks I should get right out and find someone as soon as possible. (Three or four months later) I don't know why she would think I could just go off and do that so soon. I was thinking that it would take a lot longer than that, maybe like my grandfather, never.

When my grandmother died he was very depressed for a long long time. My parents used to send me out to the ranch to stay with him constantly in order to keep him 'occupied'. I didn't mind since he was teaching me things that later got us both in big trouble with my dad...heh heh. (Driving tractors, pickups, power mowers and the like...I was eight years old at the time) Anyway, he never showed any interest in dating or anything after grandma died. I asked him once why not go out...he never replied. Just before he died he told me in confidence that he had been happy with her and didn't figure that he would ever find anyone else that he could be that happy with again. I will say here, that our lives have been parallel in a lot of ways. I can't imagine going out again.

Anyway, there have been very interesting responses and Some have given me pause to think about life in general too. I guess that divorce is a lot like losing a spouse to death...but I don't know since they would still be around physically.

 

[RosevilleCAguy]

I would look in the last place that I put them.

That's a good plan. But try customer service too. Really. Its worked for me before.

 

[Holly Delight]

He says it is all right for me to bring a date to the funeral.

 

[ksmybuttons]

We have a son who is seven, almost eight. If something happened to me, I would want him to find someone as soon as possible for the son's sake.

If something happened to him, I would not add another husband, but would find someone for companionship. I wouldn't want to live with anyone, just have someone to go out and do things with. I have men friends that I know I could count on right away.

I would probably start flirting on the boards, too.

 

[La Principessa]

how funny. A friend and I were just talking about this a week or so ago.

He said that he KNEW I wouldn't remarry, just because of how I talk about my husband and our relationship. That I have obviously found the one person in this world that I am most happy with and if he should die a part of me goes with him that I could never give to another.

And he is 100% correct. I never could remarry. I know I would always be thinking of how my husband would have handled or responded to the current situation.

Would my husband remarry? I don't know. I would like to say "Probably not." but I don't like to answer for him.

As for my friend, I told him that he WOULD remarry if something happened to his current wife. He enjoys companionship. Maybe it wouldn't be an actual marriage, but he would have a long-term person in his life, if not live together.

 

[bknight2602]

Look around for a long time.

 

[Nobody Special's wife]

My Husband, and I have had a few close calls. We have decided, that if one of us should die, We would do what is right for our children.

On the other hand I also guess how old I am when my Spouce would happen to die. If I'm at the age 40 or so.. I really don't care or bother finding love again.. My children come first..

That is all that matters to my husband and I our children come first.

 

[ozraven]

My life would be over........

I would continue living and "putting on a brave face", for my daughters sake, but all the joy, fun and reason for living would have been sucked out of me....

This is my third serious relationship, and second marriage, with the others I would have grieved and got over it eventually.....but I don't believe that there is more than one "soul mate" per person, and I've got mine.......

 

[Lovepotion69]

I think that if my spouse died I'd be crushed for a long time. Life does go on though, and if luck be I'd meet someone new. I wouldn't be able to go through life alone. It does matter though how old I am when it happens. Still, I guess that for me it's not about looking for someone new. It's about if life wants me to meet someone new. I wouldn't pass that away if I got another chance to love. It would just be harder to get used to the thought of it and I'd go slowly.

 

[SilverVeil]

If anything happened to Cal I would be devestated. It would take me a very , very, very long time to recover if I was even able to. I do know I would not date anyone. I would probably become even more of a hermit than I was before we met.

Would he date or look for someone if anything happened to me ?
I don't know, I am 99.9% sure he would not, but it is always possible.
I would want him to be happy.