If men wrote advice columns....

Betticus

FigDaddy!
Joined
Apr 9, 2004
Posts
12,240
Q: My husband wants to have a threesome with me and my best friend.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys

A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The Man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house, too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex and cooking him a nice meal.

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.

A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.
 
Betticus said:
Q: My husband wants to have a threesome with me and my best friend.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys

A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The Man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house, too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex and cooking him a nice meal.

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.

A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

ROFL :p
 
Is it just me or does Betticus seem more obsessed with getting a meal cooked for him than with sex?
 
caela said:
Is it just me or does Betticus seem more obsessed with getting a meal cooked for him than with sex?

I wonder if that has something to do with his recent venture to Colorado? Got laid but no cookies? :p
 
Red Sonja said:
I wonder if that has something to do with his recent venture to Colorado? Got laid but no cookies? :p

No cookies?!!! What's sex without cookies afterward???
 
WearMeWell said:
LMAO......

......has sudden craving for deep fried blue balls... :devil:

Never tried them...do I want to ask how you got them off to fry them???
 
caela said:
Is it just me or does Betticus seem more obsessed with getting a meal cooked for him than with sex?

Looks like you girls know what to cook, if you know what I mean.

*hands walkie-talkies to the girls connected to TS and Netz*

... Just in case you don't get my drift.
 
did anyone else have an issue with those not being questions?

oh well, I don't expect the men to notice things like that ;)
 
Saw the title of the post and all I can say is Hoy Vay.

On a side note... Don't you people ever get tired of obsessing about cookies?
 
HawkEye38 said:
Saw the title of the post and all I can say is Hoy Vay.

On a side note... Don't you people ever get tired of obsessing about cookies?

When we get tired of cookies we obsess about chocolate...but in general no not really.
 
mmm chocolate cookies...


ooooooh.... chocolate covered oreos.... mmmmm....
 
caela said:
Those are yummy!!!!! ~puts them on the grocery list~

This is the time of year for it! I make chocolate covered peanut butter ritz cracker sandwiches. * now where did I hide those from the children?*
 
Originally Posted by HawkEye38

On a side note... Don't you people ever get tired of obsessing about cookies?



"Neva." *wicked grin*....for there is SO many delicious things to be done with a cookie...crumb trails to make, places to...'explore'...*Slow smile~

and...those that truely appreciate how the 'cookie crumbles'...have to seek out, and lap out /up every, last, crumb.

(btw...?...its the ONLY thing beside chocolate i will allow one to lick their fingers after...*Wink*)


I make regular saltine/peanutbutter crackers rolled in melted chocolate....
....now...take That, and apply liberally...*smiles~



...........Ahhhhh, the beauty of cookies
 
Betticus said:
Q: My husband wants to have a threesome with me and my best friend.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys

A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The Man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house, too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex and cooking him a nice meal.

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.

A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

*taps Betticus politely on the shoulder, then hands him a flashlight to aid in the removal of his head from his ass*
 
Thanks for the laughs!

My husband and I enjoyed your post, of course he's not much into oral sex and prefers to cook his own meals.

LMAO!

Fury :rose:
 
brioche said:
*taps Betticus politely on the shoulder, then hands him a flashlight to aid in the removal of his head from his ass*


That's the funniest damn thing I have read in a while ... thanks, brioche
 
HawkEye38 said:
::head hits keyboard:: i just had to ask didn't i?

tsk tsk You'd think you'd know better. Wanna cookie? They're great for frusteration.

Beyond that, it's a great way to derail threads and lighten up others. *shrugs*

Plus it has the added benefit of annoying those who don't have a sense of humor. :devil:
 
Back
Top