If Men Ruled The World

[Freya]

1. Breaking up would be a lot easier.

2. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get'em next time" would pretty much do it.

3. Birth control would come in ale or lager.

4. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

5. Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.

6. The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".

7. Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".

8. People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

9. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

10. It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

11. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

12. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you".

13. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

14. "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

15. Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.

16. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

 

[Freya]

How to get men to save money.

 

[RosevilleCAguy]

And you have a problem with this?

 

[The Squid King]

All good ideas so far.

 

[Freya]

The AMA and NZMA has declared that the long term implications of drugs or medical procedures must be more fully considered.

Over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than is spent on Alzheimer's Disease research.

It is now projected that by the year 2015 there will be fifty million people wandering around with huge breasts and erections who can't remember what to do with them

 

[QuickDuck]

The happiest day in a man's life....

yup.. it really is

 

[The Squid King]

I hope I'm one of them, but 2015 is a little soon, but with breast implants and an erection I'm sure I'll figure out something.

 

[Freya]

A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.
The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard!"

"Well, what should I do?" asks the man.

"Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast." The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yds. straight up the fairway. The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson.

The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard."

"What can I do?" asks the wife.

"Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis." The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway . . . about 15 ft. "That was great," the pro says. "Now, take the club out of your mouth and swing the club like you're supposed to!" says the pro.

 

[Freya]

Sorry, I'm just bored tonight. Quit smoking and need something to occupy my time a bit.

 

[Freya]

Only in Canada

 

[MechaBlade]

I wish men ruled the world.

 

[The Squid King]

I'm pretty sure men do rule the world.

 

[Freya]

The Five Secrets to a Great Relationship

1. It is important to find a man who works around the house, occasionally cooks and cleans and who has a job.

2. It is important to find a man who makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a man who is dependable and doesn't lie.

4. It is important to find a man who's good in bed and who loves to have sex with you.



5. It is important that these four men never meet.

 

[Freya]

If men did the cleaning

 

[MysticMayham]

*pen in hand , at the bottom of the list adds *
# 16 all women would be required by law to be nude at all times and never let you run out of beer

Just had to throw that in there since we are stereo typing the men *LOL*

 

[Cibo]

I don't see anything wrong with anything mentioned above.













just joking...hehe

 

[MechaBlade]

I'm pretty sure men do rule the world.

Economically, politically, maybe.

Socially, relationshipwise, no. Otherwise you would see the list come to life.

 

[Mad_Jack_Rabbit]

Re: The Five Secrets to a Great Relationship

1. It is important to find a man who works around the house, occasionally cooks and cleans and who has a job.

2. It is important to find a man who makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a man who is dependable and doesn't lie.

4. It is important to find a man who's good in bed and who loves to have sex with you.



5. It is important that these four men never meet.

It isn't enough to cook, clean, take the kids to school, pick em up, do the washing, the ironing, reassure you that yes, you are beautiful, and yes darling I do love you, be there for you, when you need me, without a moments notice, remind you how much you turn me on, take you to bed, be attentive to your different bits, cuddle afterwards, not get upset when you have a headache, make you laugh without taking my clothers off...

you want me to get a JOB ASWELL????????

 

[Mad_Jack_Rabbit]

3. Birth control would come in ale or lager.

NEVER!! It would spoil the taste!

4. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

What? It isn't? Since when?

14. "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

Yeah, Right, like it isn't already!


16. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

And why would we bother with a card? Any card?

 

[The Dipsomaniac]

All good ideas so far.

Agreed!