If I were a "sub"

Guru said:
If I were a "sub," what would I want?

At first...I thought this was a test question.

Since the only thing that I would want...would be to see pride in my Sir's eyes...whenever he looked upon me. :rose:
 
With Artful's permission,

If I were a sub,and I am i'd learn to know that Master's needs ,wants,and desires always come before mine...for in pleasing Him,i am utimately pleasing myself..He knows what is best for me and my only duty is to humbly obey his wishes....a sub's life can be terrible or pleasurable ..depending on "her attitude" to serve..i know from what i am currently experiencing in training..it is a long,hard road ahead for me but i hope and pray i will do it for to please my Master fully and make himproud of me is my strongest desire :rose:
 
edited because...well...fuck...i shouldn't have said what i did, originally. I'm not upset about this kinda pie-in-the-sky romance-novel version of submission anyway. Not really. (Not unless it starts spreading into other threads. Two like this are enough, thanks.)

Reality checks are sometimes kinda nice to have around, don't you think?
 
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If I were Sub, what would I want?

I would desire to find the most wonderful Domme in the world for me. One that connected with me on a spiritual as well as the physical level. I would want to build a spectacular relationship based on trust, understanding, and animal passion. And since I primarily identify as a Sub then I guess that my life is spent searching for that connection. It is my walkabout, my journey. my oddessy.
 
Slow it up, willful, please.

I'm talking about a balanced view of BDSM. I'm talking about people who have enough experience with this to know it's not all gentle hearts and sighing flowers and little subbie on-her-knees "Whatever you want, O Great Master" stuff all the time.

By "reality check", i meant info from real people doing this in a real way, in an everyday way within the structure of thie lives. People like Risia and lilfrk and cellis and the others among us who actually live this stuff. You, too, in a way - sionce you actually have some real live hands-on experience with BDSM sexual play.

In the everyday world, there's milk to buy and bills to pay and sometimes we have to mow the grass, too. I'm not downing anyone in particular and definitely not anyone who has a real life and skin-to-skin experienced view of BDSM relationships.

However, there's no such thing as a perfect dewy-eyed romance-novel 24/7 BDSM relationship. They don't exist outside the confines of those novels - or the net. They're all over the net.

In skin-to-skin and daily life BDSM relationships, we all work on our relationships with our partner FIRST, always. THEN the BDSM can come to life between us and flow into blazing reality and pleasure.

In this forum and in the thread that preceeded it, we've always been focused on the discussion of BDSM relationships that are gounded in skin-to-skin reality. There are a million gazillion net places one can go to develop cyber-relationships that are based on some kinda idealized version of what the participants think it ought to be. This is most emphatically not one of those places.

I will make this point as often as i feel it's necessary.
 
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Guru, if you were a "sub" you'd want uranium.



Brat, there's a difference between romantic and infatuated. It's called having the depth to look beyond one's own starry eyes to actually see another's words.

For instance, the question Guru asked, "If I were a "sub," what would I want."

There is nothing wrong with dream adoring her master. That's the way it's supposed to be, I gather. The difference is in the thinking. dream may or may not think very much. I have no idea because I haven't seen anything but sugary sweet odes to her master. It's very hard to have more than an "I'm so happy for you!" kind of conversation with that sort of posting style.

Hopefully she'll move beyond the infatuated with BDSM and master stage and into something more lucid soon. Some never do, but I like to give the benefit of the doubt.

This is NOT a criticism of dream or her master or her style of posting. It's an acceptance of the way things are. It happens like this in all relationships, not just in BDSM. I hope I'm being tactful and non-offensive because I'm very sincerely trying to be.
 
I realize that there is no such thing as the perfect Domme, or the perfect sub. I also understand that there is a whole bunch of reality that gets in the way. If it weren't for reality, I would not have to go to work, pay my bills, cook food, and fill the car with gasoline. And to tell you the truth, quite often those things tire me out too much to play anyway.

Real skin to skin BDSM is not pie in the sky at all. As much as any of us desire it to be mushy, passionate, dominating or submitting, we also realize that a good BDSM relationship, like any relationship takes lots of work. Communication is work, listening is work and understanding is work. But when it is all said and done, and the seeds of a healthy relationship are sown, watch out!

So perhaps when you all read this in conjunction with what I said earlier, you will understand what I meant by the perfect Domme. Perfect for me and perfect for Her. Short may my oddessy be. Please, please, please.

Grins.
Glaive37
 
Glaive dips omlettes into ketchup when he has them for breakfast.
Let the Domme world beware!
:p
 
Guru said:
If I were a "sub," what would I want?

well if you were a sub...since you say 'were' :)

then what you really would want was a Master or Mistress first hehehehe

Otherwise how could you become a sub? ;)

But also looking at it another way...you might want to learn all you can from others in the reality lifestyle and learn about the Master/Mistress that you are interested in...before you give them your submission. Just a thought...:rose:
 
No fair, Cym. That was divulged in private. No one here needs to know of my white trash tendancies when dining at such fine establishments as IHOP. Next I suppose you are gonna tell everyone that I am kinky. LOL.
 
Re: With Artful's permission,

Artful's dream said:
i'd learn to know that Master's needs ,wants,and desires always come before mine...for in pleasing Him,i am utimately pleasing myself..He knows what is best for me and my only duty is to humbly obey his wishes....a sub's life can be terrible or pleasurable ..depending on "her attitude" to serve..

See I have a problem with some of this - now this isn't directed at Artful's dream or at Artful or their relationship - from what I've seen they do appear to be happy its just this type of wording/attitude bothers me.

I am and always will be vocal (sometimes too vocal) about my view that being a submissive does NOT mean that you desire to give up all control in your life, it does not mean that you cannot take care of yourself, that you are worthless, that you have no opinions or desires of your own. When you are playing then yes maybe the dom's desires are met first - but you as a sub still have desires and as a human being you have a right to state them and to ask for them to be fulfilled.

Being a player in the realm of BDSM should always be a choice and a choice you make becasue it gives you pleasure and enjoyment without risking your longterm health, livelyhood, family etc etc. And being a sub should be pleasurable - now that doesn't have to be physical pleasure - but if your ife as a sub is terrible then you should get the hell out of it - and ask what kind of person want to be in a relationship based upon making another person unhappy.


To answer the original quesiton - if you were a sub what you would desire is to be in a submissive role with another person, this would give you sexual pleasure. Everything else is dependant on your unique kinks and not nesecarily to do with your submissiveness.
 
I re-read my post above and was going to edit the rant but then I thought better (or worse) of it - those are my opinions and I will stand by them. I just wanted to say that this isn't directed at anyone and was promptted as much by something else I read today (in a novel) as much as by Artful's dream's post or anything else here on lit.

It is an important subject to me so I will let my words above stand as they are.
 
With Artful's permission

I am constantly amazed at the level of people's ignorance on the net..
I made some "loving comments " about a man i deeply love and what?/ You cannot handle it? shame on you!! I AM new at this lifestyle so why cut me down if i choose to enter in to it with a warm ,caring,loving heart?/ Master Artful IS part of my very REAL world and i'm sorry if you are too shallow minded to understand that ..I do have children to feed and bills to pay too..I'm a damn good single mom..i'm also a very mature woman with very REAL passionate desires and needs ..these are being satisfied ..I have a very healthy normal love for my Master ..we WILL meet someday,we WILL love physically as much as we ALREADY do emotionally and mentally...we respect and trust one another..not many people can say that now ,can they?? I came into this thread to become more eeducated because i have an open mind to learn new things from more "experienced " people... but if all you are to "teach" me is HATE then i do believe i've had enough...Later..:rose: :kiss: x10 for You Master,MY love..
 
Artful's dream - I am sorry if you felt my post was aimed at you personally or at your attitude to your relationship - I did try and make it clear that It was in no way intended to be a condemnation of you, Artful or your relationship.

What I have an issue with is the attitude that is seen both within the 'nilla world and sadly sometimes within the BDSM world that a sub is somehow less worthy as a human being than a Dom/me.
That a sub only exists to please a Dom/me and has no needs or desires of their own.

I am sorry if this was an innapropriate thread to bring my rant up - but as stated I stand by my opinion that all human beings deserve respect whatever their sexual kinks or preferences may be.
 
With Artful's permission,

Petrel,i am sorry i was not aiming or meaning to aim any animosity towards you..I need to say that I %100 agree with your philosophy on
mutual respect,however, i need to make it clear that my Master Artful,treats me with love,compassion and respect such as i have never received before..He values me as His prized possession and i deeply love Him for that..
I do have and speak my own mind and we trust one another so there is no room for jealousy....I once was in a net relationship with a dom who only exploited me sexually for his own benefit and NEVER for MY pleasure...needless to say ..that did not last..My Master i know tthat by pleasing Him i am ultimately only bringing more pleasure to myself ..our love is STRONG and WILL stay that way..nothing or noone can touch itbrings me joy beyond mere words ..:heart: ..thank-You for responding Petrel:rose:
 
Oooookay.

I'm not aiming this at anyone in particular, either, though the posts that Artful's dream has made here have, indeed, opened this box of worms. I'm having my say on this as an individual, as myself, only.

At the a very basic level, someone/anyone spouting never-ending misty-eyed romanticism about thier wonderful glorious fabulous perfect heart-needful Master (why don't msubs say this kinda stuff?) makes me glaze over. It makes me cynical. It makes me want to poke that person and hiss sharply, "Grow up! We're all just people with good sides and bad sides and places that need a fuck of a lot of work - and that includes your Master Perfect Master, who is undoubtedly a good man for all that he sure as hell not perfect."

You know what? All that misty-eyed romantic babble makes me meaner than i am in any other sitution.

You know why? It's because it's the stuff of fantasy. Period. Fantasy like that is fine and well and good as long as you know and admit it's fantasy. Fantasy like that is fine and well and good in chat rooms wherein poeple like to pretend it's for real. Fantasy like that is fucking well not fine and well and good here, in this place where we discuss and dissect and support ourselves within the realm of real life BDSM relationships.

All that "My Master is most wonderful man in the known universe and all i want in whole whole whole life is to please him on my knees forever and ever" crap is just that...a big load of fresh bullshit.

When you live with your BDSM partner, even if you don't live with them but simply see them and spend lots of time with time on a frequent basis, you're gonna have disagreements. You're gonna resent a few things about them. There will be times when you don't feel like adoring them from your knees all the livelong day, thanks very much. There will be times when they want you to do something and you're not in the mood. On occasion, you'll ask yourself what the FUCK you're doing in this relationship anyway.

If the relationship is real and sound and good, you'll work together to get past the problems.

If it's not, you'll fall apart.

In any case, real time, day to day, skin-to-skin BDSM relationships don't look sound taste feel smell or fucking behave like the romance versions.

And i'm very wary - as i've been since i began the BDSM thread last July, the thread that became this forum and spawned Lit's BDSM community - of relaxing my vigilance and letting chat room fantastical bullshit BDSM gain a foot hold here.

Go look at the BDSM fiction.
The bullshit fantasy versions ALWAYS top the list.
That's what people want to read, want to believe. It feels safe. It speaks to thier soul, the place they yearn to offer to a Big Bad Master Master and be swept off thier feet and enslaved in silk and gentle bondage and tender caresses forever and ever.

That's fucking fantasy, kids.

What we talk about here is reality.

How to argue with your Dominant.
How to submit even when you're not in the mood.
How to hide the rope marks on your wrist.
What if you feel attracted to someone else?
What if you're not getting your needs met?
What if he wants to do something that terrifies you?
What if he's not really listening to you?
What if he's hurting you but you love him and feel need for him and obligation to him and don't have anywhere else to go and you're scared but you can't say it to him and don't know who else to say it to?
How to make a flogger cuz no one in the household is working at the moment and you're having a hard time buying cheerios for the kids, plus little Debbie needs new shoes and where is that money gonna come from?
How to tell him you don't want to play when he's cranked out - that you're scared you'll get hurt?

Yeh, yeh, yeh...none of the above examples have anyfuckingthing to do with you and MisterPerfectMaster. I know.

Been there.
Done that.

So don't listen to me, or any of the others who are beginning to mutter similar stuff (and you should see the inside of my PM box, btw - there's a lot more of this sentiment out there then you can imagine at the moment - and it's building up, too).

Continue to walk around with your head in the clouds and spout basically contentless stuff about your pie-in-the-sky, no-one-has-ever-had-such-a-perfect-Master situation.

Love is good.

But if all you're doing is the same post, over and over, if you're not asking questions, REAL questions... ... ...or offering insights into your motivation, and not the dreamy i-just-want-to-please-Him-forever-and-ever-without-any-pause-at-all-ever-ever-in-my-whole-long-life... ... ...or trying to become a part of who we are here (a reality-based BDSM community dedicated to the discussion and dissemination of info relating to this as a lifestyle)... ... ...then don't get all bent out of shape if we've got nothing much to talk with you about.

YOU came to us.
We were already here, already a community, already had our boundaries and priorities in place before you got here. We're not going to become a pie-in-the-sky chat room type BDSM place.

Or if we do, it'll be after i'm gone.

There's a zillion of those places.
They're all over the net.
This is not one of them.

If we don't fit what you need and want from the place at which you spend your online, move on. You don't need us looking at you and scratching our heads and asking, "Yeh. Uh huh. But where's the reality, dude?"

Again, this is not aimed at you, dream. You're simply the most recent person to try to open this particular door here in Lit's BDSM forum, even just a crack. I do not mean to offer offense to you and am sorry if you feel offended by my words (which, in truth, you probably will). You have to decide how you'll take them; you were offended at petrel's words and she was far more subtle and kind than i am.

Bottom line:
We're not doing fantasyland BDSM here, kids. We're not doing it now, we won't be doing it tomorrow, and it's not gaining a toehold here as long as i can do anything at all to keep it out. If you want that, go someplace else.
cym
 
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With Artful's permission,

how in the world could i be offended by that?/ hmmm? let's see here ..no1 i know this is NOT fantasy and this is not a chat room no2 I am a45 yr old WOMAN -hence not a CHILD i have been married 4 times to losers 3 of which beat the hell out of me and i was even raped once so no..i DONT think this is fun and games ..i think no excuse me i KNOW this is the lifestyle I choose and if i wanna hope and pray that it will work out I can and noone will stop that NOONE I HAVE CHILDREN TO RAISE AND I DO THAT AS GOOD AS BEING A SUB oops sorry for caps..anyways i come here for your input your critique?/ no ,not really but you have given it none the less and since i am mature i WILL respect it as i hope you will respect my personal feelings noone is Perfect as far as that goes..only GOD ... i hope you understand that i never visited this thread to start bullshit ..only to learn..i see that you are not really interested in teaching tho..i will leave that for someone who truly cares for me and my well being-my Master..special shout-out to yuppietowngirl!!! we arent in the REAL world ..can ya believe THAT girlfriend??:rose:
 
DING DING DING

Back to you corners!

Let's get a little perspective here. I'm going to get struck by lightning.

1) Brat, instead of helping the situation turn into something proactive, you're helping the situation turn into a war. And it doesn't really even have anything to do with you. This is a case that if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. And that goes for everyone including myself.

2) Let's talk about expressing oneself in this forum. We have two sides to this issue. We have Dream vs. Cym.

Dream is obviously in the throes of a brand new relationship. We all know what that looks like. It doesn't matter how old you are, everyone acts like a moron when they're first in love. You say the sappiest things. You constantly inflict everyone with nearly poetic odes to your lover. Some of us even write poetry that gives the reader sugar shock in five seconds or less and no you can't read it because I'm highly embarrassed by it and threw it all away. Everyone gets that way. I don't read or respond to Dream's posts for the most part because there isn't anything in them that I find interesting or something that could possibly engage a discussion. However Dream has every right to flood the world with her expressions of love and devotion. I fully intend to bump these threads up in a few months and embarrass the everlasting hell out of Dream with them.

Cym is very protective of this board. She has seen a lot of online BDSM communities ruined by various influxes of different people from spammers to weekend players. She and a few others managed to carve this one out here in Literotica and they find it haven. Cymbidia arguably created this very forum. This is a place where open, honest discussion about BDSM issues happen and where genuineness and intelligence is highly prized. However Cym shouldn't post while angry and will probably need to pull a KillerMuffin special very soon. Crow is nasty tasting. I know, I've eaten enough of it.

The problem? Neither Dream nor Cym have been terribly considerate of others on this thread. Dream assumes that we're all thrilled to pieces to hear about her fabulously wonderful brand spanking new Master over and over and over and over again. Well, quite frankly a lot of us don't care to read that particular broken record with every single thread. It's consideration to provide some variety of verbiage. Cym assumes that she has to protect this board from the people who might ruin it before giving these people a chance to grow up and be productive. Diplomacy is highly called for and it wasn't provided.

Then there is the entire Online vs. In person issue which I am sincerely not interested in fighting over. I've done neither. However, I do see a certain bigotry in one side and I do see a certain fundamental delusion in the other. I don't care to hear justification of your side if you have one. Please swallow it because the fact is you're both right and you're both wrong.

This is what needs to happen to maintain a happy, harmonious, and more importantly eclectic community of BDSMers.

1) Cym should find a little diplomacy.
2) Dream should find some consideration.
3) People such as Brat and Myself should shut up and not choose sides so we can re-enact the Battle of the Bulge here. This is between Cym and Dream right now. Everyone else is highly extraneous and anything we say is going to make it more volatile.

We have a pretty peaceful and very solid community here. There is room for all, including me the token 'Nilla, we just have to learn to get along with each other. Dream and Cym both behaved badly here. I hope that will change.

Um. Anyone know how to survive a lightning strike? I'm really nervous.
 
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