If Dr Suess was a Woman

[Debbie]

Fine spunky people of Lit
Lend me your eyes for a bit
I got this in my email today and wanted to share...
(thanks, yes, you ,you know who you are *grin*)

If Dr. Seuss Was a Woman...

I'm glad I'm a woman -Yes I am, yes I am.
I don't live on Budweiser, Beer, nuts and Spam.
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections.
I won't drive to Hell before asking directions.

I act nice at parties; don't act like a clown;
And I know how to put the damn toilet seat down.
I won't grab your boobies; I won't pinch your butt.
My belt is not hidden beneath my beer gut.
I don't go around re-adjusting my crotch;
or make sure my headboard bears each hard-earned notch.

I don't belch in public; don't scratch my behind.
I'm a woman, you see- I'm just not that kind!
I'm glad I'm a woman; So glad I could sing-
and thrilled I'm not covered in shag carpeting.
Hair won't grow from my ears, Or cover my back.
And when I bend over, you can't see my crack.

I'm a woman, alas-and I'm proud, don't you see?
I'm blessed to have two boobs and squat when I pee.
I don't live for golf, or shoot basketball.
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.
I don't need male bonding; I don't cruise for chicks-
I'll never join the "Hair Club", or think with my dick.
I'm a woman, by chance And thankful I am!
I'm so glad I'm a woman; not a man, yes I am!

 

[Guest]

I bet if this poem made fun of women there would be an uproar.

Double standard, funny about those.

 

[Debbie]

I bet if this poem made fun of women there would be an uproar.

Double standard, funny about those.

The true meaning of fun is to smile often, laugh a lot and enjoy yourself!

Guys if this offends you? Please PM me and I will gladly make a point of not ignoring you!

 

[Fly_On_Wall]

I agree there is a doulble standard about thouse kind of things... but I don't give a shit.

Debbie I thought it was funny, thanks for shareing.

 

[Jaded1]

Oh, JESUS...................

Debbie, please tell me you're not going to start singing I am woman hear me roar.

By the way great poem. You seem to have us guys down pat

Jaded1, CT

 

[Guest]

nice

 

[InnesLane]

very funny (really)...now let me pick it apart

I'm glad I'm a woman -Yes I am, yes I am.
I don't live on Budweiser, Beer, nuts and Spam.
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections.
I won't drive to Hell before asking directions.

OK, let's stop here for a sec. Bud sucks. Period. And so does Spam, but I do love nuts

And I've never (and I mean NEVER) mentioned my erections to my buddies (just wanted to be very clear on that).

I act nice at parties; don't act like a clown;
And I know how to put the damn toilet seat down.
I won't grab your boobies; I won't pinch your butt.
My belt is not hidden beneath my beer gut.
I don't go around re-adjusting my crotch;
or make sure my headboard bears each hard-earned notch.

What's the matter with acting like a clown at parties? Geez, you're no fun at all. And personally, as far as the toilet seat thing goes, I think you all should put it UP after you're finished at least half the time. Fair's fair, you know.

How'd you know about my gut? Guess I'd better haul the Nordic Track out of storage.

I don't belch in public; don't scratch my behind.
I'm a woman, you see- I'm just not that kind!

Sorry to burst the collective female bubble out there, but I don't do these things either.

I'm glad I'm a woman; So glad I could sing-
and thrilled I'm not covered in shag carpeting.
Hair won't grow from my ears, Or cover my back.
And when I bend over, you can't see my crack.

You haven't met my Aunt Agnes, have you? This description fits her to a "T".

I'm a woman, alas-and I'm proud, don't you see?
I'm blessed to have two boobs and squat when I pee.
I don't live for golf, or shoot basketball.
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.
I don't need male bonding; I don't cruise for chicks-
I'll never join the "Hair Club", or think with my dick.
I'm a woman, by chance And thankful I am!
I'm so glad I'm a woman; not a man, yes I am!

I'm glad you have boobs too, but you really can't be all that pleased about the inconvenient way you pee. And a good spit is an art form, and good for your health too. How else do you get rid of that morning hack after all?

As for the Hair Club, refer to Aunt Agnes above.

 

[kiwiwolf]

Hehe... very cool Debbie, very cool.

 

[kiwiwolf]

I bet if this poem made fun of women there would be an uproar.

Double standard, funny about those.

Get a grip you Knobend... what the fuck happened to FUN? Shit if this can offend the tender sensibilities of the ADULT males on this site then maybe they should scuttle over to a politically correct site, and wallow in the sycophantic antics of the politically righteous. End of rant... sorry had a bad day.

 

[Debbie]

Get a grip you Knobend... what the fuck happened to FUN? Shit if this can offend the tender sensibilities of the ADULT males on this site then maybe they should scuttle over to a politically correct site, and wallow in the sycophantic antics of the politically righteous. End of rant... sorry had a bad day.

LMAO knob end? oh my god oweeeeeeee sides hurt. Sorry you had a bad day.
I say to my kids sometimes don't be such a dork knob and they look at me funny! I think I will try knob end tomorrow!

 

[kiwiwolf]

Thank you kind lady... I find 'Knob' to be a very universal type of insult. Very versatile. A wonderful Drill Instructor introduced me to the importance of a wide vocabulary of insults, and I have done my best to stay current.

 

[Debbie]

Thank you kind lady... I find 'Knob' to be a very universal type of insult. Very versatile. A wonderful Drill Instructor introduced me to the importance of a wide vocabulary of insults, and I have done my best to stay current.

As a 'home drill instructor' I use egg and dork knob when the 13 and 12 year olds do something totally stupid. Grrr as they have done recently. Today's idiotic incident? Download a dirty pic they found at a dragon ballz site and put it as wallpaper on their computer! Shame they showed the 8 year old who promptly blabbed. Now they have internet privileges removed and I have a supervisor password.
Any more handy insults?

 

[kiwiwolf]

As a 'home drill instructor' I use egg and dork knob when the 13 and 12 year olds do something totally stupid. Grrr as they have done recently. Today's idiotic incident? Download a dirty pic they fround at a dragon ballz site and put it as wallpaper on their computer! Shame they showed the 8 year old who promptly blabbed. Now they have internet privileges removed and I have a supervisor password.
Any more handy insults?

Yeah but I'm not sure if you can legally use them on anyone under the age of 21, under 6 foot tall and under 100 kilos.

 

[Nobody Special's wife]

Lmao

I love it ... I will neve read a sues book again with out thinking of that poem lol

 

[Debbie]

Yeah but I'm not sure if you can legally use them on anyone under the age of 21, under 6 foot tall and under 100 kilos.

That's ok I rarely use insults on them! So any new ones will be stored for future reference and use against 'big' kids. I was hopping mad today when i saw the wallpaper on their computer!!! Amazed the 8 year old isn't blind! LOL He said don't look mum the pretty lady is kinda rude? OMG More than rude she was spreadeagled! I shouldn't laugh 'cos I was so PO 'ed today!

 

[kiwiwolf]

And they got the pic off a Dragonballz site? Damn that scares the hell out of me. I've just bought the kids a puter for Christmas...

 

[Debbie]

And they got the pic off a Dragonballz site? Damn that scares the hell out of me. I've just bought the kids a puter for Christmas...

Hmmm that's what I thought. Type in dragonballz sites and nudes come up? Ahem no. Apparently you need a 12 year old stepson who gets the webiste addy from his stepfather's friends son of an adult dragonballz url address and bingo you are in business.

YAHOO your kids are getting a computer? Cool bananas! I would love to see their faces on Christmas!

 

[Rick DeVille]

"Dr Seuss" wasn't a woman, he was a person who created wonderful things. How do you think it would have been better if he or she was female?
I believe you have the prejudice! You believe this great work would have been better if it had been writen by a woman! How pathetic!

Really pathetic.

 

[Rick DeVille]

Disagree?

 

[Debbie]

"Dr Seuss" wasn't a woman, he was a person who created wonderful things. How do you think it would have been better if he or she was female?
I believe you have the prejudice! You believe this great work would have been better if it had been writen by a woman! How pathetic!

Really pathetic.

dear Mr Rick DeVille
This poem was an email sent to me. I looked today and found it on the web. No name was attached male or otherwise as to who wrote it.. .
I have prejudice? ME the lover of men? The defender of anyone who needs to be defended? The n in nice?
Dr Suess was an amazing man. He wrote cool books that my kids love.
It is a joke. Something written in fun. Get a grip.

I am a woman hear me roar

 

[Debbie]

Disagree?

P.S It was a man who sent it to me. A man I respect a lot.

 

[kiwiwolf]

"Dr Seuss" wasn't a woman, he was a person who created wonderful things. How do you think it would have been better if he or she was female?
I believe you have the prejudice! You believe this great work would have been better if it had been writen by a woman! How pathetic!

Really pathetic.

Oh for Fucks sake...

 

[Rick DeVille]

dear Mr Rick DeVille
This poem was an email sent to me. I looked today and found it on the web. No name was attached male or otherwise as to who wrote it.. .
I have prejudice? ME the lover of men? The defender of anyone who needs to be defended? The n in nice?
Dr Suess was an amazing man. He wrote cool books that my kids love.
It is a joke. Something written in fun. Get a grip.

I am a woman hear me roar

I have a grip Debbie,

humour is not always shared, what you find funny is not automatic.

I am man - hear me puke.

Thanks for answering

 

[Summery]

Sheesh! I got a good chuckle from reading it....thanks debbie.
I saw the humor in it.

 

[Rick DeVille]

Sheesh! I got a good chuckle from reading it....thanks debbie.
I saw the humor in it.

Congratulations