Idea: God likes Lesbians

[alias x]

Now, there's the idea that man was created in god's image. Suppose this included the fact that guys find lesbians hot. All those prohibitions against masturbation and marriage in the bible were meant mainly to apply to priests and such, who god tends to pay more attention to. That way, god doesn't see as much masturbation and male-female sex. So, all those issues with priests having sex with altar boys and such really, really angers god, and brings on the rapture, which somehow causes massive lesbian orgies. Because god loves lesbian orgies.

Though I always find stories that completely ignore traditional religious beliefs humorous, I'm not going to write this one.

From Hamilcar IV's Ghost Mother (on SOL):

But I thought it was wrong to do it with your mother or sister."

"Well to begin with, Judy and Sherry aren't your real mother and sister. They're your step-mother and your step-sister. But even if they were blood relatives, you can still fuck them. In heaven, everybody fucks their relatives. Since I went to heaven, I've fucked my father and grandfather, two uncles, and a whole bunch of cousins."

"You mean you have sex in heaven?"

"Why do you think they call it heaven? Can you imagine how boring it would if all an angel could do is sit around on a cloud for eternity playing some damned harp. The only thing we do in heaven is fuck. I'm an angel trainer, second-class, and my job is to show new angels how to fuck better than they did on earth. A lot of the new ones don't know how to do it, or they don't do very well."

"How did you get to be an angel trainer, second-class."

"Well, I started out as an angel trainer, fourth-class, and worked my way up. You have to do certain things to get promoted."

"What did you have to do to get promoted from trainer, fourth-class to third-class?"

"I had to fuck 10,000 other angels and give each one of them complete satisfaction. And they assign you to angels who were hard to please. I fucked George Washington. He was really good; that's why they called him 'the father of his country.' He not only did he chop down the cherry tree, he fucked every little cherry he could find. The day I was sent over to his cloud, Martha was lying beside him with Ben Franklin sucking her cunt. So George was already hard. It took me two days to soften him up. He must have cum a hundred times. I could have taken a bath in all that patriotic sperm.

"I fucked Elvis and Einstein and Houdini and General Grant and Winston Churchill and King Arthur and a whole lot of angels you never heard of.