I'd love some feedback

[Happytimeshappy]

I've written two stories that I would love for some people to read through and give me feedback on two different levels. One level is to make sure that my sentence structure is easy and yet descriptive enough to hold the attention along with the imagination. This is vital to me. The other level is to soothe my curiosity. I'd like to know what you thought about where the story goes. Your favorite events within the tale. Favorite characters and so on. That isn't as important, but I'd love to know and see if others opinions on the actual story elements differ from my own favorites.
The stories are quite large but split into smaller and easier to digest parts that connect chronologically. By large I don't mean novel size. I mean overall they are about 100 pages long when putting the various parts together. Anyway, I really appreciate whatever feedback I can get. I honestly don't mind negative criticism as long as I can use it to better my craft.
"Within the Shadows" is where I became a bit more comfortable using more descriptive sentence structures and playing off the emotions of characters a bit more. It's a darker tale, playing a lot off of fright and mystery.
"Lucky" is a story that takes place in an alternate universe where women rule the world men are subjected to a more subservient role. It's a bit of a quicker read, but I think a fun one.
Sorry for the long ramblings here. Thanks again in advanced. I can't wait to hear from someone!
"Lucky" https://www.literotica.com/s/lucky-ep-01
"Within the Shadows" https://www.literotica.com/s/within-the-shadows-ep-01

 

[Happytimeshappy]

Also...

How do i go back and edit my stories? I've ran into a lot of structural issues already and would like to edit the text once I have it corrected. I checked though the FAQs but I'm either blind or it isn't there.

 

[CiaoSteve]

Just publish the story again but with the word "EDITED" at the end of the title. You can also add a note on the publishing screen to ask for the original to be updated.

 

[Happytimeshappy]

Okay, thanks.

 

[8letters]

I read "Lucky". I thought the writing was very good. You had a plan as to how to tell you story and your writing followed that plan. Everything was described in the right place so I always had a good picture of what was going on. Most of the time I read stories, I'll see at least one minor error but I didn't see any in your story.

I'm not a Sci-Fi reader, so keep that in mind for the next section. Two comments on the content:
* You seriously downplay the effects of slavery on the culture. Everything would be structured around controlling the slaves and the slaves would be constantly resisting that control in one way or another
* I've moved away from the simultaneous orgasms to end my sex scenes and I found her cumming a second time just as he cums during the first time both of them have sex as being particularly trite. I think it would have worked much better if she would have instructed him on how to make her cum and then surprises him by having him fuck her

 

[Happytimeshappy]

Thank you!
As far as the effects of slaver; I had originally made the entire story based around the struggles to up-rise from it, but shifted focus to a more personal tale with Lucky discovering that he's a puppet in both mind and body regardless of what he chooses to do. The original draft was much more political. It made for a quicker read this way.
I completely understand what you're saying about the "ending sex scene with orgasm". It's something that I've been struggling with. There's only so many sex scenes I can write before it become dull to me. I may try to fix that issue in the future.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read the story and giving me some pointers for the future!