I'd like to know your thoughts on my "work"

[foldedpaper]

I have recently submitted my first effort(s) to the site, with very little feedback. Would anyone care to let me know their view of this first foray into erotic prose?

My story is at: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=453828

Thanks in advance....

 

[driphoney]

Do I have to?

*takes a peek at link*

*Sees this:*

"I want to take you right to the edge, with my hands, lips and tongue, before stopping, looking at you, and then gently lowering myself onto you...."

Okay!! I'll read it later when I have time. I can tell you now, you should figure out how to get that line closer to the top of your story.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

This is not the kind of story I get into, but it was written well enough. It starts out a bit slow but picks up about 30 paragraphs into the story. With a few minor errors, you did alright

 

[Sweet_Carolina]

its really well written with a few minor problems as pointed out earlier and a bit too long for my taste!