I was thinking of uploading this.

[sunnyday666]

While i have begun to write again, it is slow going. When im stressed out and depressed is when i can write. so i was thinking of uploading this on to lit.
i just wanted to see what everyone else thought about it.
if you arent sure of this go to my other poem and you will get the gist of how my life is a living hell and why im so stressed out. my mom threw a plate at me today so you get the idea.

here it is:



Growing Up

When we were young,
I was bigger than you.
When we got older, you
Got bigger than me.
I remember a time when you
Would come to me to solve your
Problems. Now, you are
Dealing with your biggest one
Yet and all you do is isolate
Yourself from the only one
Who actually believes that you
Can turn your life around and change.

I remember a time when if
You were hurting I could step
In as your big sister and help the
Hurt away. No you, my big, little brother
Are no where to be seen and are
In a world of hurt. You don’t know how
To deal with it and you don’t seem to
Remember that I was where you are right
Now not too long ago. I got myself through
My tough times when no one else would.

You think that no one helped me is a pile of crap;
Well I can tell you that that isn’t the case.
You think that no one can help you; I can say that
This is just an excuse.
As much as you want to believe that you
Can do this on your own, I think that you can’t
And are just too afraid to let anyone in.

Well, I’m begging you as your older sister, I know
You need and want help. Your next step
Is to admit to me and to everyone else who loves
And cares about you that you do.
Admitting to yourself and to one friend is not enough,
You need to ask for it. Hope isn’t enough any
More. It’s good that you and I still have that
But, it isn’t enough.

I only wish that we hadn’t drifted so far apart.
I only wish that you had stopped the first time.
I only wish that you could come to me, your sister,
For help.
I only wish that I can keep the hope from disappearing
In a torrent of self loathing that I can’t even begin to describe.

I know you’re hurting and doing what you do because
It hurts.
I know how hard it is to stop.
I know I can only hope that we can put our differences
Aside long enough so I can help you out.

That’s what big sisters are for, right?

 

[wildsweetone]

I don't know enough yet to be able to comment much on your poem (and nor do I know you) but I feel that it would be a good idea if you make very sure that you have enough distance with your writing that you can post it publically and be able to take criticism without letting it plummet you into the depths of hell of depression. If you think there is a chance that you'll be hurt by any uncaring reader out in Public Land, then perhaps it would be better to wait until more time has passed.

I've only said this because of what you've said in your post above the poem.

The one thing I will say about your poem is that you might like to look at the line ends and play with them a little. I feel that some lines kind of trail quietly away to the end. Perhaps a little more impact could be made by making the last word on many (if not all) lines, stronger.

 

[twelveoone]

excellent advice WSO
once they are posted, they are the readers, not yours

 

[WickedEve]

Dear sunny, I am sorry for your present situation. I can understand depression and stress. I know most of us can. I think your poem is successful for you, because it's a wonderful outlet for all those emotions. Have you shared this with your brother?

As far as poetry goes, you have a wonderful tool in these powerful feelings, but you need to focus that energy into poetry that may not necessarily be like the words you've written. Personal pain can be turned into poetry suitable for a general audience, but it takes practice.