I Was Played

[Mac98]

This is a follow-up thread to "Crazy-Ass Night".

Today, I was supposed to go see "Kate" who's real name (at this point, it doesn't really fucken matter, I guess) is Jade. I was supposed to go talk to her about how I feel I'm starting to develop feelings for her... how I'm scared of being played.

I was supposed to meet her for around 6:00 at her place about 30 minutes away in the city. By 7, I txted her "??" to which she replied:

"I'm sorry, I'm stressed out by all this :S. Sorry if I've hurt you in any way. I'd get along really well with you but now you have me all mixed up, I don't know how to interpret this."

So instead of fucken TELLING me she was uncomfortable with all this, she just let me squander aroun like a fool for nothing, just to shoot me down by text message.

Quite obviously pissed the fuck off, I replied "...What?? Aren't you the one who told me if I never risk anything, I'll live the rest of my life miserable? I ask 15 minutes of your time after you told me you were fine with everything and willing to talk about it, now you don't know how to interpret all of this?? Please tell me what the fuck is going on in your head right now."

...So she keeps bullshitting me around, telling me she felt bad making me drive down just so we can talk 15 minutes, I tell her to stop treating me like a retard. In the end, I asked her if this meant she didn't wanna' talk to me anymore. She said she doesn't know. I asked her to just fucken tell me why she's reacting like this and she stopped replying.

In the end, I wrote to her saying I was ashamed of having trusted her instead of trusting everyone who had said all the shit behind her back. I told her I was ashamed of having been so fucken manipulated and played by someone who couldn't give a rat's shit about me. I told her to stay away from me and my family and that I didn't want my mom having anything to do with her dad (long story).

She hasn't replied. I doubt she even fucken cares.

So in the end, I was lasoed by some attention-craving, insecure bitch! Then, when I admitted to her how I felt and lay all my vulnerabilities on the line, she made me feel guilty for wanting to take a step back... telling me I have to take risks in life. Finally, I'm ready to take a risk and she tells me she doesn't wanna' see me anymore. She toyed with me like I was a piece of fucken dog shit!

I'm so pissed off right now and I don't know where to channel my rage other than on my bedroom door that's suffered enough tonight... So sorry to lay this all on you tonight, but I feel like I'm gonna' fucken shoot somebody.

Lesson learned for me, I guess! Last time I'm trusting someone before trusting rumors and speculations!

Fuck her!!!!

Thank you

Mac

 

[MsGoodBody]

.....

 

[Mac98]

Don't you hate players?
It's cliche but you'll find someone else better for you in the long run.

I still wish she were a guy so I could break her fucken face in with a shovel...

 

[fuckmeat]

Live and learn. This won't happen to you again, that in itself is worth something. Just be sure not to take this out on the next girl who crosses your path.

 

[PertPerth]

There are people who flirt compulsively; they don't even realise they're doing it. They attract the opposite sex like moths to a flame. Either the flame goes out, and all is well...else the moth ends up burnt.

Sorry to hear things didn't turn out as you'd hoped. I've seen so many male friends (and my brother) spend YEARS trying to 'get over' someone. Please, have a fling, go for a run, try an ice cold shower - anything to get over her and move on. There is someone else out there for you....you just need to have your eyes tear free to see her.

 

[Mac98]

There are people who flirt compulsively; they don't even realise they're doing it. They attract the opposite sex like moths to a flame. Either the flame goes out, and all is well...else the moth ends up burnt.

Sorry to hear things didn't turn out as you'd hoped. I've seen so many male friends (and my brother) spend YEARS trying to 'get over' someone. Please, have a fling, go for a run, try an ice cold shower - anything to get over her and move on. There is someone else out there for you....you just need to have your eyes tear free to see her.

Thanks, but right now, I have all this pent up rage exploding in mini sessions of agressivity. I can't find anything else to break in my house so I'm not sure I'm ready to meet someone new... I just can't believe someone could have the coldness and carelessness to kick someone while he's down. She knew how vulnerable I was and despite that, she STILL went ahead and toyed with me!

And to top it off, she had the indecency to point the finger at me and turn the situation as if SHE was the victim!

Thank God I can smell Bullshit through 10 meters of concrete... underground... during a chili festival!! I can't imagine having gone farther down the rabbit hole. In all honesty, I am deeply hurt by what happened. It sure crushes my self-esteem... but what kills me the most is all this anger and rage that it's brought up. I just feel like tearing everything apart!!! I swear to God, I feel like giving her the beating of a lifetime... however, I'm all against violence toward women, so I'll just let the storm pass... then take every weakness she has and use it against her. I really want to make her suffer triple what I'm suffering right now!!

 

[SweetErika]

Maybe you'll find some peace if you recognize that by being so angry and hurt, you're continuing to let her affect/control you, even though she's not relevant or worth having in your life.

Choose to recognize she's really fucked up, take pity on her for that, let it go and move on with your life. Put your energy toward positive things--rather than rage, hurt and drama--and better things will come to you.

 

[Mac98]

Maybe you'll find some peace if you recognize that by being so angry and hurt, you're continuing to let her affect/control you, even though she's not relevant or worth having in your life.

Choose to recognize she's really fucked up, take pity on her for that, let it go and move on with your life. Put your energy toward positive things--rather than rage, hurt and drama--and better things will come to you.

She has control over me (less than 24 hours after realizing I've been had) because she found my greatest weakness and exploited it to the max! I can't take pitty on her because I know I'm not the only one to have gone through this because of her and I'm probably not the last... and that pisses me off! I hate thinking this psycho can do what she wants with anyone.

I hope her doctor prescribes her some fucken kick-ass medication before he fucks her, cuz she sure as hell needs it big time (the meds, quite obviously!)

 

[SweetErika]

She has control over me (less than 24 hours after realizing I've been had) because she found my greatest weakness and exploited it to the max! I can't take pitty on her because I know I'm not the only one to have gone through this because of her and I'm probably not the last... and that pisses me off! I hate thinking this psycho can do what she wants with anyone.

I hope her doctor prescribes her some fucken kick-ass medication before he fucks her, cuz she sure as hell needs it big time (the meds, quite obviously!)

My point is that how you view and handle this is entirely your choice. If you want to be angry, wallow in self-pity and drama, you can choose to do so. If you want to feel better, that's a choice, too. But no one's forcing you to be enraged, have violent thoughts, focus on this, etc. This girl has not made you react this particular way, you are choosing this route for yourself. And you might be making things worse for yourself and missing out on some good opportunities because of your choice.

 

[culloden]

My point is that how you view and handle this is entirely your choice. If you want to be angry, wallow in self-pity and drama, you can choose to do so. If you want to feel better, that's a choice, too. But no one's forcing you to be enraged, have violent thoughts, focus on this, etc. This girl has not made you react this particular way, you are choosing this route for yourself. And you might be making things worse for yourself and missing out on some good opportunities because of your choice.

Mac, Erica is a wise lady.

 

[micky4play]

My point is that how you view and handle this is entirely your choice. If you want to be angry, wallow in self-pity and drama, you can choose to do so. If you want to feel better, that's a choice, too. But no one's forcing you to be enraged, have violent thoughts, focus on this, etc. This girl has not made you react this particular way, you are choosing this route for yourself. And you might be making things worse for yourself and missing out on some good opportunities because of your choice.

bingo - choose wisely

 

[Mac98]

My point is that how you view and handle this is entirely your choice. If you want to be angry, wallow in self-pity and drama, you can choose to do so. If you want to feel better, that's a choice, too. But no one's forcing you to be enraged, have violent thoughts, focus on this, etc. This girl has not made you react this particular way, you are choosing this route for yourself. And you might be making things worse for yourself and missing out on some good opportunities because of your choice.

To be quite honest, I didn't choose to get angry. The anger installed itself literally seconds after receiving her text saying she doesn't wanna' see me anymore... It's actually at that point that something inside me snapped like it never has before. I'm never, EVER violent. Ever! I've never layed a finger on anyone or anything... except last night and this morning when I laced into my door and a wall...

But I spoke to her again this morning... she deleted me off Facebook which I was gonna' do. But it hurt my ego some when I realized she beat me to it (Yeah, I'm a Leo). So I texted her simply saying all this was one day gonna' come back to her. I don't know when and where, but it's going to blow up in her face some day... that sparked another long conversation which, in the end, was a little more docile and calm.

I understand now that she's miserable. She doesn't like where her life has brought her and she sure as shit doesn't like who she is. I'm now pretty sure the medication she's taking are anti-depressants... if not, I think it would be wise of her to get a prescription for them... I know this doesn't the least bit excuse what she did. I still don't know if she did it consciously or unconsciously, but I do know that she's already terribly depressed enough as it is, I don't think adding gasoline to that fire'll help. I wished her to someday find joy in living and that I hoped she could be happy someday... which was sincere... and she replied by saying she wishes me all the best. We left it at that.

But her self-esteem is ridiculously low and so is her lust for life. I'm still royally pissed off at how I was toyed with and deceived... how this is just another black mark on my dossier... but in the end, there's nothing I can do that'll make her feel any worse than she already is.

And as cruel as it sounds, knowing that she's suffering more than me, even if it's not because of what just happened here, makes me feel just that much better about the whole situation. If she was actually a happy human being, I think I wouldn't be able to let go of it just yet.

So my anger has transformed into hurt and pitty. I guess that's better. I hope that better.

 

[Peaches1990]

I feel bad for you. I know this has happened to most of us at some time or another.

When it happens to me I remember the last time anything like that happened and realise that it didnt actually take that long for me to feel happy and good about myself again. You will get over this, and learn a little by it I am sure.

Good luck with everything and I hope you get your smile back soon

 

[VelvetSin]

Edited - I missed your last post prior to this. Hurt and pity are much better than anger and fury. Hurt will fade with time, and pity - well, it sounds like it's rightfully placed.
...

I'm very sorry this happened to you. Though the feelings right now suck, you will get over her and what she's done, and the faster you can let the anger go, put aside petty feelings like getting revenge (is she really worth your time for all that?), and move on with your life, the better off you will be. Try to take solace in the knowledge that you were hurt but can be mature enough to toss her in the past, and if you need to waste any further emotion on her, let it be pity because she'll continue being a selfish, thoughtless, and useless person.

Somewhere in one of your posts, I thought I saw you say that you're young, like eighteen? You'll get over her sooner than you think and meet many more girls that will hurt your feelings or even break your heart, some much worse than she's done lately. It sucks, but it's a part of life and how we all learn and grow. If it helps, every girl you meet has also been hurt or had her heart broken by some guy too. We all go through it, but hopefully we all learn from these setbacks.

As for what lesson can you take away from this? We all have instincts but many of us ignore them for silly reasons (like a hot girl ). Next time you spend an evening with someone and something starts to set of your "something isn't right" radar, take that as your clue to trust your gut feelings. That isn't an excuse to keep yourself isolated and never take a chance, but it is a good measuring stick to go by. Take chances with your heart on the people that you don't instantly get odd feelings about. Something about this girl set off your wacko-meter immediately because you posted questions about her after the first day. There will be a next time. Shrug this girl off and walk away. You have better things to do with your time than wallow in anger, right?

Oh, and if I didn't mention it above, don't bother with revenge. She's not worth the effort. You're better than that. All the usual motivational speeches go here. Bottom line, do you want to spend another second on her when you could be looking for the next pretty face?

 

[fuckmeat]

Ok Mac, you have me worried about you, genuinely worried. Please don't take this the wrong way but...

This girl has treated you badly and there's no excuse for that. She's clearly immature and depressed. You have every right to be pissed off, all of this I agree with.

But to wish she was a guy so you could physically beat her up? To hit a wall and door because you're so enraged? To hope that her doctor drugs and rapes her?

I know you're venting and this is the place for you to do that. I am here to tell you though that these are not normal, rational responses. To be unable to control your rage, to harm yourself by hitting hard objects, these things are totally out of proportion. These things make me worry about how highly strung you are.

Even now you cannot let go of this or move on from it. You're letting your emotions control you. This is not a good coping mechanism, not at all. You're also storing up your resentment and sense of injustice for the future. These are the things that can turn a decent man into a bitter misogynist.

This incident could have been so much worse for you. She could have led you on for far longer, or fucked you and then ditched you. What would you have done then? How many walls and doors would it have taken before you calmed down?

You need perspective here, as Erika has tried to help you with. You also need better ways of dealing with crap like this. You're setting a really bad pattern for the future and it makes me very worried for you.

I hope you can see that I mean all this with kindness and concern. I hope I don't offend you because it's not my intention. I hope you can see what I see and work on that.

 

[Christopher2012]

I must say that I strongly agree with Fuckmeat on this one.

We all get mad, but thinking like that is dangerous for you and any close friends/family.

 

[coastal-boy]

reality rarely competes with any preconceived expectation. Reading your replies tells me everything I need to know. She made the right decision...maybe not in the right way...but definately the right choice.

Time for a reality check. Stop blaming her for your actions. Your needs; your wants; your expectations; your desires; your motives; your anger; your hurt; your disillusionment; your pity; your response...how many "yours" do I need to list? Every one of these "yours", you created. Not her. You. Your feelings and actions are in response to your "yours" and believe it or not, that means you have alot more control over them than you are accepting.

Let's look at the thread title, "I was played"...I'm not sure I would classify anyone as being "played" but let's assume you are right in that choice of the word. Then I think "I allowed myself to be played" is far more appropriate.

Fuckmeat (God...who doesn't love that name? Just the attitude that come with it makes me wish I was her Meatfucker) makes a very astute observation. You are creating baggage for yourself that will affect every relationship you will ever be in. Time to take a step back and look at the only thing you have control over...you.

 

[fuckmeat]

Fuckmeat (God...who doesn't love that name? Just the attitude that come with it makes me wish I was her Meatfucker)

Aww

 

[SpiritRider]

Mac,
I've punched thru walls, I've drank myself to a blackout, I've tried any number of ways to figure out other peoples actions...and you know what? They were still the same regardless.
Sometimes all you can do is say "What the Fuck?" and move on.

 

[NHPictureguy]

The great sage, Captain James T. Kirk, summed it up best:

"Charlie, there are a million things in this universe you can have and a million things you can't have. It's no fun facing that, but that's the way things are."

A word of advice, if you get mad and swear at someone in a text it's a sure way to destroy any chance you had of winning her over. Keep your cool, otherwise you show that you lose it when you get mad and that is a major turn-off.

Was she in the wrong? Yes, absolutely. Is she confused? No doubt on that and although you developed feelings for her, you need to step back and ask yourself if you REALLY want someone who treats people with such disrespect that she blows them off.

Look, we've all been there. Practically everyone who reads this has had their heart broken. Many more than once. You'll make it my friend. It won't be easy and you'll be hurt for a while but you'll make it.

 

[Firebrain]

All this after a grope?

Dude. Seriously, stay off the drugs.

 

[Mac98]

Edited - I missed your last post prior to this. Hurt and pity are much better than anger and fury. Hurt will fade with time, and pity - well, it sounds like it's rightfully placed.
...

I'm very sorry this happened to you. Though the feelings right now suck, you will get over her and what she's done, and the faster you can let the anger go, put aside petty feelings like getting revenge (is she really worth your time for all that?), and move on with your life, the better off you will be. Try to take solace in the knowledge that you were hurt but can be mature enough to toss her in the past, and if you need to waste any further emotion on her, let it be pity because she'll continue being a selfish, thoughtless, and useless person.

Somewhere in one of your posts, I thought I saw you say that you're young, like eighteen? You'll get over her sooner than you think and meet many more girls that will hurt your feelings or even break your heart, some much worse than she's done lately. It sucks, but it's a part of life and how we all learn and grow. If it helps, every girl you meet has also been hurt or had her heart broken by some guy too. We all go through it, but hopefully we all learn from these setbacks.

As for what lesson can you take away from this? We all have instincts but many of us ignore them for silly reasons (like a hot girl ). Next time you spend an evening with someone and something starts to set of your "something isn't right" radar, take that as your clue to trust your gut feelings. That isn't an excuse to keep yourself isolated and never take a chance, but it is a good measuring stick to go by. Take chances with your heart on the people that you don't instantly get odd feelings about. Something about this girl set off your wacko-meter immediately because you posted questions about her after the first day. There will be a next time. Shrug this girl off and walk away. You have better things to do with your time than wallow in anger, right?

Oh, and if I didn't mention it above, don't bother with revenge. She's not worth the effort. You're better than that. All the usual motivational speeches go here. Bottom line, do you want to spend another second on her when you could be looking for the next pretty face?

I'm actually 20. You weren't very far off. So yeah, I'm aware that there's other fish in the sea, but I'm just sick of always falling for the wrong people. It's as if anywhere I turn I'm always fated to be hurt. I'm aware there are worse... WAY worse things in life than that. Trust me, I know... but this was just terrible, TERRIBLE timing on her part. She couldn't have picked the moment at a worst time.

And like I said, my anger really has turned to pitty. I actually feel bad for her, and I almost find that to be a contradiction to how I reacted initially. But I do, genuinely, feel really bad for where her life is heading. I knew, even before meeting her again for the first time in 7 years, that she's had a rough life... she's lived through stuff I don't think anyone should have to live through and today, she's sorta' messed up by all of it and I do think it explains, in some part, her behavior. But although I'm really pained by what happened, I can assure you all that the conversation I had with her yesterday morning was very much calmer and more civilized than it was the night before... and we both wished each other good luck.

I'm still really hurt by it, there's no denying that. And I know that next time around, I'll be very much defensive and on my guard... but the anger has subsided.

 

[Mac98]

A word of advice, if you get mad and swear at someone in a text it's a sure way to destroy any chance you had of winning her over. Keep your cool, otherwise you show that you lose it when you get mad and that is a major turn-off.

Was she in the wrong? Yes, absolutely. Is she confused? No doubt on that and although you developed feelings for her, you need to step back and ask yourself if you REALLY want someone who treats people with such disrespect that she blows them off.

First off, I have to say, although my tone was more agressive in the test messages, I didn't really call her any names nor did I use any vulgarity or explicitness. I did use some of her weaknesses against her and now I feel guilty for it because I know it has distraught her a lot (or so it seems, at least). I apologized for it yesterday.

And no, I don't want someone who treats people with disrespect. But I saw in her, briefly, someone who meant well and who was trying her best. I know deep down she has the potential to be a fantastic person, which is what drew me toward her in the first place (well, that and her adorable oddness). But she definately has some MAJOR unresolved issues she needs to work on big time. Much of it boils down to ridiculously low self-esteem. Like unimaginably low!

reality rarely competes with any preconceived expectation. Reading your replies tells me everything I need to know. She made the right decision...maybe not in the right way...but definately the right choice.

Time for a reality check. Stop blaming her for your actions. Your needs; your wants; your expectations; your desires; your motives; your anger; your hurt; your disillusionment; your pity; your response...how many "yours" do I need to list? Every one of these "yours", you created. Not her. You. Your feelings and actions are in response to your "yours" and believe it or not, that means you have alot more control over them than you are accepting.

Let's look at the thread title, "I was played"...I'm not sure I would classify anyone as being "played" but let's assume you are right in that choice of the word. Then I think "I allowed myself to be played" is far more appropriate.

Fuckmeat (God...who doesn't love that name? Just the attitude that come with it makes me wish I was her Meatfucker) makes a very astute observation. You are creating baggage for yourself that will affect every relationship you will ever be in. Time to take a step back and look at the only thing you have control over...you.

I'm not necessarily sure I understand how she made the right choice... if anything, I would've MUCH prefered her to tell me she wants to take distance face to face rather than let me wait for her for nothing all night long only to be texted she doesn't wanna' see me anymore because she's all confused. Sure, I definately let myself be played because I had NUMEROUS signs that I was... but I prefered getting to see for myself and taking that risk. Also, I thought I was maybe making things up in my mind. I have as much responsibility in this as she does... but like you said, that doesn't excuse what she did.

But I still don't see how she made the right choice. Especially after guilt-tripping me because I said I wanted to take time away from her to understand exactly how I feel.



And FIREBRAIN: Please... I really don't smoke that much hahaha. And no, this isn't solely after a night of groping, she led me onto believe that there was more to it than that. The question is why and for what purpose? But I guess it doesn't matter anymore. But please stop making me look like a pothead. I smoke about as much as the occasional drinker drinks.

 

[Mac98]

Ok Mac, you have me worried about you, genuinely worried. Please don't take this the wrong way but...

This girl has treated you badly and there's no excuse for that. She's clearly immature and depressed. You have every right to be pissed off, all of this I agree with.

But to wish she was a guy so you could physically beat her up? To hit a wall and door because you're so enraged? To hope that her doctor drugs and rapes her?

I know you're venting and this is the place for you to do that. I am here to tell you though that these are not normal, rational responses. To be unable to control your rage, to harm yourself by hitting hard objects, these things are totally out of proportion. These things make me worry about how highly strung you are.

Even now you cannot let go of this or move on from it. You're letting your emotions control you. This is not a good coping mechanism, not at all. You're also storing up your resentment and sense of injustice for the future. These are the things that can turn a decent man into a bitter misogynist.

This incident could have been so much worse for you. She could have led you on for far longer, or fucked you and then ditched you. What would you have done then? How many walls and doors would it have taken before you calmed down?

You need perspective here, as Erika has tried to help you with. You also need better ways of dealing with crap like this. You're setting a really bad pattern for the future and it makes me very worried for you.

I hope you can see that I mean all this with kindness and concern. I hope I don't offend you because it's not my intention. I hope you can see what I see and work on that.

I swear to anyone here, this isn't my usual reaction. I've learned to cope with a lot of crap over the years. I've had my mother tell me I was a mistake after getting in a terrible arguement (although I know she didn't mean it and today, we've both forgiven and forgotten) and never have I reacted with so much anger. I'm usually more the type to step back, analyse what happened... analyse some more... the re-analyse what's been analysed so far and then try and figure out how I can learn from it and move on... but this all happened at the wrong time. I had let her know repeatedly I didn't want to be broken hearted again, that I had just recently healed from the last one and no sooner do I warn her does she rip me apart.

When I initially received her first txt, telling me she didn't ever want to see me again, it felt like something in me snapped. I was talking with my best friend (in the meantime) and I could no longer think, see or hear straight. I was shaking I was so distrought. I spoke about it very vaguely with my friend as we drove around town, but I was too upset to even want to think. When I got home (all this time, her and I are still texting), I just sorta' lost it. I am generally not a violent person. At all. Never gotten in a fist fight (except in Grade 2 lol) and I've never lashed out violently at someone... maybe this was just the cherry on the sunday, the last drop, but this even scared myself.

The anger has supsided, though, after talking with her yesterday morning... but the pain is still very present and it sucks.

 

[Mac98]

And don't nobody worry. No matter what you say or how you phrase it, you'll need to be a lot harsher than that to get me offended. I welcome any "to-the-point" advice or reply. Even insults I can take, if they're founded, intelligent and logical.

And thanks for the overwhelming number of posts. It's really helping put things in perspective.