I want to top but my boyfriend is a top

[noise]

Hi all i only recently came out to my gay side and have had 3 experiences all being the "bottom" but now have a boyfriend but we met and based this friendship on him being the dominant one. Anyway i have never topped before and want to try it but when i bring it up with my boyfriend he laughs it off and says why ruin what we have an that he never bottoms. I don't want to leave him as he has really helped me with coming out and helped me tell my parents and close friends about my sexuality and he has taught me a lot and i love just being with him and seeing him and going out with him

 

[neon_noodle]

I'd never comment on someone else's relationships, but since you asked, here it is.

If you ask someone you're in a realationship with to do something in the bedroom, and they don't want to do it beacuse they want all the control, then it's not a good sitaution. Relationships, even causal ones, are supposed to be able havnig fun and pleaure with your lover. It sounds like your boyfriend just wants an ass to fuck, not a man to share hot times with. Who knows, maybe he thinks if you slide your cock in that makes him gay!

Plenty of other cocks out there. Find someone who wants to explore sex with you, not just use you as a dick parking spot.

 

[Netzach]

find a third that both of you can take turns on - good times all around.

 

[Elengil]

Um, do you suck each other off? Or does only one side get that? Cause he might be feeling a bit uncomfortable with the relationship (since if he's the one doing all the fucking, he can pretend its just another girl, but if he's the one being fucked...)

Same with oral...

If you're the only one giving (in a sense) you either need to get him to pull his share, or consider finding a new relationship, as thats not what a relationship is about.

 

[sunandshadow]

Personally I'd try to find out why he doesn't want to bottom, what he thinks would be unpleasant about it. Then based on that info decide whether to pressure him to try it or find someone else you can try topping.

 

[Tarheel_boi]

I have never understood the whole I'm a top only or I'm a bottom only in gay relationships. It doesn't make any sense.

My boyfriend and myself are both versitle. It's just sex,might as well enjoy it.

 

[Carp_Face]

Top, Bottom, Versatile...

If your not Versatile

then arent you in a defined role ??

Obviously your boyfriends a Top....

your more versatile it sounds... might want to explain to him how you feel...

if he isn't flexible with your feelings move on or accept that he's a top and your a bottom

 

[blklthrjkt]

Sexual compatibility is a must for a relationship. Maybe you could discuss the matter with him and see if there is a problem. If it's a "I'm the Top and I'm in control" thing, then maybe you could suggest he order you to pleasure his ass. That might let him get beyond the role problem.

 

[A_Kefka]

Maybe I'm wrong thinking this, but if its about control for him, then have maybe if you were on your back and he was on top, riding your cock, he would be more open to the idea. Plus you could stroke him at the same time. Might now be what you want though, and he still might not like the idea. Just a thought.

 

[Etoile]

I've heard the "I don't take it up the ass" thing plenty of times, but I've never understood it. I think it's because receiving is supposed to be feminine - stone butches (women) seem to feel it threatens their masculinity to be penetrated, and I guess top guys feel the same way.

As for what to do about it - I agree with those who have said he's not really into the relationship. If he was actually interested in maintaining a good relationship he wouldn't just laugh it off - he'd sit down and discuss it seriously with you.

Think about why you're in this relationship. It sounds to me like you're with him because it's easier than finding an alternative. He's already your friend and fuck buddy, why leave that behind? But do consider whether you want to be in a relationship with someone who can't respect your desires and compromise on things with you.

 

[none2_none2]

Some people don't bottom because they are afraid they would no longer be men. Some people don't bottom because it simply isn't enjoyable. In relationships, just because your partner won't do everything, doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't care for you. Some people just simply know their limits. It is always best to work this stuff out before you become too far involved.

I'll give a different example. Lets say there is a straight couple where the guy's long held ultimate fantasy is for the girl to pee in his mouth. She refuses. Technically, one could say why shouldn't she as her part in the act is rather benign and it is her soulmates ultimate fantasy.

Is she really doing the wrong thing if that is past her boundary; is it really a sign of not loving him? I say no to both questions. In such an example, the only mistake I would see is that they didn't talk more about what each enjoyed BEFORE they were that involved. One shouldn't base a potential mate solely on a check list of sex acts each will or will not do, but on the other hand incompatible sexual desires could make a relationship very sexually frustrating. You cannot change someones sexual turn-ons/turn-offs just by wishing it so.

 

[Etoile]

Some people don't bottom because they are afraid they would no longer be men. Some people don't bottom because it simply isn't enjoyable. In relationships, just because your partner won't do everything, doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't care for you. Some people just simply know their limits. It is always best to work this stuff out before you become too far involved.

In this case, though, the OP refers to his partner laughing it off. That doesn't sound like "I love you but I can't do that for you" to me. It sounds to me like the partner is belittling the OP's desire to experience the top side of things.

 

[south_florida_bicur]

Hi all i only recently came out to my gay side and have had 3 experiences all being the "bottom" but now have a boyfriend but we met and based this friendship on him being the dominant one. Anyway i have never topped before and want to try it but when i bring it up with my boyfriend he laughs it off and says why ruin what we have an that he never bottoms. I don't want to leave him as he has really helped me with coming out and helped me tell my parents and close friends about my sexuality and he has taught me a lot and i love just being with him and seeing him and going out with him

to be a top is a dominating personality? therefore being a bottom is subservient?

 

[Etoile]

to be a top is a dominating personality? therefore being a bottom is subservient?

In this particular case, "top" means the man who does the fucking and "bottom" means the man who gets fucked in the ass. There are other meanings for top and bottom but that's what it is in this thread.