I want to enter the BDSM lifestyle

[Marla_1988]

Hello,

I always had some kind of curiosity about the bdsm lifestyle, in particular scenes with ropes and candles but it all happened only on my mind, I say this because my boyfriend is kinda conservative when it comes to sex and I am a little afraid what he will think of me if I tell him that I get sexual excitement when I see content with ropes and candles. I use to read erotic stories like
these, but to be honest I am a little bored since I feel that I need something more. Do you guys/girls lived this kind of situation where your significant other is not into bdsm at all, I mean he is 100% vanilla with apparently no significant fetishes at all.

 

[CutieMouse]

I have never met anyone who is 100% vanilla.

From what you wrote, it sounds like you haven't talked with him about your interests. If you don't discuss it, you won't know if he's open to trying something new. So unfortunately (fortunately), that means asking him if he'd be willing to try something new.

And "ropes and candles" doesn't have to = BDSM. You could decide to light some candles for ambient/mood lighting the next time you're intimate. You could say you're curious about how it would feel to be lightly restrained - I'm normally loathe to treat ties this way, but maybe you saw a movie or read something somewhere about "keeping romance alive" and light bondage was one of the suggestions... What does he think? Wanna try?

It is perfectly okay to know what gets your pink bits all tingly, and communicate that to your partner. Because (in a perfect world) getting your pink bits all tingly is going to help get him what he wants (sex). You tell him what turns you on; he tells you what turns him on; together you create a positive feedback loop and have lots of yummy sex.

But the only way to get to the yummy sex/positive feedback loop, is to talk to him about what you think you'd like to try.

 

[subwannabe]

I think you need to be upfront and honest with him and let the chips fall where they may. This may sound kind of cold but he's just a boyfriend and there's no sense of continuing on in this relationship if he can't get past vanilla and this will keep on eating at your craw more and more every year. It's not easy to bury it and forget it. It's like being in a cast and you have to live with an itch that you can't scratch. Eventually you get married and the next thing you know he gets even more vanilla and you wind up cheating and divorced.

 

[Bandicoot007]

If you are truly interested in the lifestyle you will come to learn that two most important things are trust and communication. I honestly don't believe a relationship can work in this lifestyle without both. Be honest and open to your significant other in regards to your desires. Maybe you'll find out he has a kink as well. You two will obviously have to find what works for you. Look towards the kink community if you or both of you choose to walk the path. Feel free to ask any questions you may have. I will answer them to the best of my ability and knowledge. Good luck.

Bandicoot

 

[malefica]

Be honest, as subwannabe said. Sooner or later, it will start to irritate you, and it is a lot more ethical and honest to leave the relationship now to find one that satisfies you, than it is to stay in the relationship and end up cheating because your needs are not being met.

 

[PBtoherJelly]

If I knew my wife (soon to be ex) was into this we might still be married.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

If I knew my wife (soon to be ex) was into this we might still be married.

JtohisPB wasn't married to a younger guy, I don't think.