I want this guy! Please help!

[SilentLady]

I am new here but had to put in my two cents worth

I don't understand your way of thinking. . I know where you think you are going but as far as I can see this new guy that you so desperately Want and Love has told you in no uncertain terms that "HE" is not interested . SO what part of NO do u not understand?

I hate to put it that way but as I see it. He would make your life miserable in the long run and I hope that you will come to your senses . Either try to patch things up with the man that you were with,who if he was with you for 3 yrs, has no hangups about BBW or start from scratch and find another man

No one but yourself can do this. We can't tell you what you should do. It is entirely up to you.

 

[peachykeen]

*sigh*

kozza look. the truth is you are in a dead end situation. if you cannot walk away from this guy and want to continue to insist he is your 'friend', you have a problem. So what if he calls you? fucking hang up. for christ's sake, get some self respect.

 

[bigjacknyc]

I've been reading this thread with interest over the last few days. Kozza, I don't think you're getting out of this thread what you came here for. When you got advice and observations that you didn't want, you felt compelled to defend and explain your position. So now you're kind of fighting on two fronts - how you handle things with this dude and defending your position to us. So whether we're right or you're right, I don't think this forum has been constructive to you at all really.

I think a lot of people here are drawn to this post because, besides your somewhat extreme emotions, it's therapeutic to us. We've all had similar experiences as the heartbreaker and the jilted lover and we're all coming at it from our various experiences. I've definitely been replaying in my head breakups from days gone by. It gives us an opportunity to reflect on them from a distance and to put them in some sort of context.

I definitely have some opinions on your approach to this but, per my above comments, I don't see that it would be constructive to you at this point.

I will make a couple of general comments though, in the hope that they're helpful. I've found that carrying around bitterness tends to hurt no one except yourself so it's actually quite self-destructive. Also, I know I'm over someone when I've accepted that she's not going to be the person I wanted her to be and when I don't wish her any harm. (How you get there is the tough part.) Having said that though, that doesn't give her and me a blank slate either - once the trust has gone, there's not really anything of substance left.

The most constructive thing I can suggest right now is to walk away from this post. You've had enough feedback and you can take from it what you choose.

I'm sorry you're hurting and I hope you can move on from this experience without hurting anyone.

 

[lovechild27]

While I dont think your psychotic at all, I think the reason we are all so frustrated with this is because we all see this is going no where for you. You are over analyzing things way to much, and your falling in and out of love with him in a matter of a day or two is almost insulting to those who have successful relationships. Just let things go with him. If it happens, it will. But at this point it doesnt seem like it is going anywhere. And why would you even want a guy like this? He sounds like an ass. PLease just get on with life and find a new guy with more promies to stress over.

 

[intrigued]

look I know you guys mean the best, but the thing is, I know that he does like me... Things that has happen in the past has proven that... I just don't understand why he's not admitting to it... And THAT's what I need help with... it's a hard situation, but it has to happen... please give me something to work with...

Btw, I don't want him for sex, I want him for him... for who he is, and what he is... He's amazing, and I really love him, I mean honestly, you guys can't tell me that you have never liked someone before and they didn't return it, how did you feel???

Well I'm SICK and FUCKING TIRED of people treating fat people like shit... expecially guys like this... and part of getting him to want me, is to make him pay... I want him to lose all self-respect and confidence... and I know you guys can help me... thanks!

Hello.

First, I have not read all the way through this yet, so if I am repeating someone else, or are now entirely out of the loop, please just overlook me.
I believe mixed signals are frustrating and a bit painful too, and it only serves to prolong the agony. I've been given some too, and I finally just decided I am no longer playing the game.

Now, the reason he is not admitting to liking you in the manner you are wanting him to are varied. I think the two biggest reasons are that he is very confused, and also that he does not wish to mislead you. (You're doing a good job of that yourself.) He needs time to heal and move on, and you are muddying his waters. As long as you are in the picture as you are currently, the waters will continue to be muddied. You need to step back, because how can he ever take a step towards you, if you are already there, in his face?
When it gets to the point that you are having to pull teeth to get answers from him, when you are analyzing every single word spoken, when you are having to read between the lines...well, something is not right. please listen to us...and i know this hurts dear, but please accept it. He is not interested in you in the same manner as you are in him. This is not to say that he can't be someday, but for now, he doesn't seem to be. if you really value your relationship, please just step back and let it be for now. Let him do his own mind making, and healing, and give him the chance to move forward with his life in his own way, his own time.

Now, I'm sorry, but your last paragraph is just plain twisted. It was actually painful for me to read it.
Why on earth do you feel the need to make him pay, if you care so much for him??? Why would you want to destroy his confidence and self respect??

You call this caring for him??
Honey, you need to do a bit more thinking...this is not the way healthy relationships work. In fact, its the very opposite. When we care for people, we want the best for them. We want to fill them up with good and positive things, we want to help them, and we want them to feel good about themselves. Even if that means they choose to go on with out us. We want what is good for them, no matter what, it is not conditional. We don't wish to destroy their spirit...our confidence and self respect are tools that we need to survive this life, and support, encouragement and true friendship all are vital to this.
You said that you are "sick and fucking tired of people treating fat people like shit...especially guys like this..."
Hmm...it seems to me you are one of those people you are sick and fucking tired of.

Please know that I don't wish to hurt your feelings. I care enough to have spent all this time thinking about this and typing this because I want you to think alot more about all of this. You really need to see things differently, and it just might save your friendship.
I hope so.

 

[deliciea]

AMEN.... AMEN.... AMEN....

to all those who have given advise hats of to you

 

[Kozza]

I don't really want to hurt him. I'm not like that really... I only want him to know how he's hurting me. I've been talking to alot of friends recently about it. People who know what's going on, and I've realised that you guys are right, I don't need a guy like this. Hence, I have not called him, or talked to him. He msgs me and asks to talk, but I've said I'm too tired, I've said that I don't really want to talk to him until he can see me for me,a nd my personality.

I think alot of you would have been in my situation, and I think that you all know how you felt. I think now, i just have to give up and be alone. I need some space, I need to be myself for a bit... I don't think you guys know how hard it is. I am a person who constantly needs a friend, *** has been there for me all the time, I know I still have feelings for him, but I'll get over it, hopefully I won't be too lonely... We'll see...
thanks for your help guys... I really do appreciate it... thank you for opening my eyes...

 

[Lust Engine]

I don't really want to hurt him. I'm not like that really... I only want him to know how he's hurting me. I've been talking to alot of friends recently about it. People who know what's going on, and I've realised that you guys are right, I don't need a guy like this. Hence, I have not called him, or talked to him. He msgs me and asks to talk, but I've said I'm too tired, I've said that I don't really want to talk to him until he can see me for me,a nd my personality.

I think alot of you would have been in my situation, and I think that you all know how you felt. I think now, i just have to give up and be alone. I need some space, I need to be myself for a bit... I don't think you guys know how hard it is. I am a person who constantly needs a friend, *** has been there for me all the time, I know I still have feelings for him, but I'll get over it, hopefully I won't be too lonely... We'll see...
thanks for your help guys... I really do appreciate it... thank you for opening my eyes...

I really don't think you will be lonely if you display some confidence in yourself. Confident people are sexy as all get out & attract other folks to them.

The scenario that you've pointed out to us prior has you clinging to the guy for whatever reason even though he was abusive to you. We all understood the hurt you felt from it but we also wanted you to realize that striking back at him & being vindictive didn't make you look any better. And lashing out at some of us here who wanted to offer our opinions & advice re-affirmed some of that lack of confidence & maturity. We weren't arguing with you to WIN a point; we were pointing out things you probably already knew deep down but were hesitant to admit (hence the maturity issues).

Take some time to yourself. Maturity comes from self realization of your strnegths & weaknesses. Build your confidence up & go out there to meet new people WHEN you're ready.

 

[hunnigrrl]

I think alot of you would have been in my situation, and I think that you all know how you felt. I think now, i just have to give up and be alone. I need some space, I need to be myself for a bit... I don't think you guys know how hard it is. I am a person who constantly needs a friend, *** has been there for me all the time, I know I still have feelings for him, but I'll get over it, hopefully I won't be too lonely... We'll see...
thanks for your help guys... I really do appreciate it... thank you for opening my eyes...

I refer you to my previous post.

You're obviously not thinking clearly. You say you want to hurt him, then you say you don't. You say we know how we felt, but we don't know how you feel.

'Giving up' is a choice you make... 'Being alone' is a choice you make. Chalking it all up to a learning experience and realizing that you don't live in some fantasy world where you're the ONLY one who's ever been through this... COULD BE A CHOICE YOU MAKE TOO!

Granted it has some twists, but it's all part of the universal human experience. We all love, we all make dumb decisions based on what we want reality to be and not what it really is and we all think that no one else on the planet has ever done what we've done... until we hit about 28-30ish and we chastise ourselves for not listening when we were 20 and how much BS should have been avoided if we'd only payed attention.

To use a clothing metaphore "Just because the tag has the right size on it, doesn't mean it looks good on you..." I think most of us speak from experience. I know I do. Especially when I say... KEEP MOVING. KEEP Looking. Otherwise, you might by pass the true love of your life because you were obsessing on this train wreck...

Sincerely and with much more sympathy than it appears...
Hunnigrrl

 

[Lust Engine]

I think Hunni hit the nail on the head. Drive by looking forward through the windshield; stop looking in the rearview mirror. Look forward to where you're going & not where you've been.

 

[peachykeen]

Koz you are starting to sound like you are 'getting it'. Good, glad to see it. Now go put on some loud music, dance around, realize that you are a valuable desirable woman (not a girl, honey, learn the difference) and go on with your life.

 

[Huggles]

Well I'm SICK and FUCKING TIRED of people treating fat people like shit... expecially guys like this... and part of getting him to want me, is to make him pay... I want him to lose all self-respect and confidence... and I know you guys can help me... thanks!

You go girl!

I think you need to do less chasing of this loser, and more looking around..

There are guys out there who aren't Zaftig Phobic, and indeed, just love it.

Besides.. don't get caught up in clingy, heavy relationships now! Bah, your at Uni, let yourself go.. Plenty of time for serious stuff later.

 

[Kozza]

now it's all come together... It's official... we are best friends... it all makes sense now... we're such good friends... and slowly I'm getting over it... I don't like anyone else, but I am going on a date with someone on friday night... my life will turn around...

thanks people...

 

[lovechild27]

It amazes me how fast you work Kozza.

Maybe work on being more independent. Life is easier when your ok if your alone.