I want this guy! Please help!

[Kozza]

Hi everyone, I am in desperate need of help. Ok, here is the deal:

there's this guy I really really REALLY like even close to love , and he's awesome... anyway, we talk on the phone every night, and we have told each other everything about each other... Anyway, after thinking that all the signs pointed to him really liking me, last night, he said that he's still in love with his ex-girlfriend, and that he's not sure what to do, so I told him how I felt ("I really like you")and that I cared about him, and also that I would be there to support him in anything. He was crying about his ex, and apologised for leading me on. Today, I went to his place for 4 hours, just me and him. Nothing happened, but I want it to, not just to fuck him senseless, but to also look after him. His ex wasn't worth it, but he is, and I really want him. How do I show him that I love him and that he does really love me...? A few things he has said to me have hurt, like "I don't date girls over size 12" and "you're not my cuppa tea" but I really like him and I dumped my boyfriend of 3 years to be with him. All my friends at uni say he does cos of the way he acts around me and how he really cares about me, so what's the deal. Please help, you're my last chance... Thanks... Kozza

 

[Freya]

Ok, so you're not his cup of tea, you're too big for him, he's in love with his ex still.....and you dumped a guy who probably loves you, for that?

This looks like a typical case of "The grass is greener on the other side" and guess what? It never is.

 

[Guest]

No offense, but how old are you? 14? Because it sure seems like it.

 

[Lust Engine]

....and you dumped a guy who probably loves you, for that?

This looks like a typical case of "The grass is greener on the other side" and guess what? It never is.

I agree wholeheartedly with Freya here. I don't understand the fact that you dumped someone just to be with someone who might not even give you the time of day. Step back away from this seemingly ugly emotional cauldron and see how you're wasting your time trying to lure this guy away. While he might care for you (as your friends say), he might not love you enough to spawn a deeper relationship... YET.

So are you going to pine away hoping? What if he never returns the emotional investment you seem to be putting in?

Freya was right in saying the grass is definitely not greener. It full of emotional brambles.

 

[Kozza]

ok, first, I'm 20... and second: for calling me 14...

In anycase, the thing with the other guy wasn't working... We had been together for 3 years, but I wasn't happy... We are more of best friends than lovers or partners... It's not the same thing... I'm not happy with him, but I am happy with the other guy... get me???

ok... next... update!!!!

I asked WHY i wasn't his cuppa tea, he said he didn't like anything about me, my personality, my looks, my weight... everything... so then why am I still his closest friend???

HELP!!!

 

[Ezzie]

Why would you want to do be with someone that didn't like you inside and out? You've both got issues obviously and I'd take care of those before I went off trying to make some man fall in love with me when it's perfectly clear he wants me for nothing more than a friend. And, to be honest, it doesn't sound like he's much of a friend, either if he doesn't like anything about you.

 

[Bindii]

I asked WHY i wasn't his cuppa tea, he said he didn't like anything about me, my personality, my looks, my weight... everything... so then why am I still his closest friend???

HELP!!!

Just because he likes you as a friend doesn't mean he wants to fuck you.

Lets face it, we are all attracted to certain people and not attracted to other people. You can hardly hold it against him for being honest with you from the start. Although the way he chose to tell you leaves a lot to be desired!

Content yourself to being his friend, you can't make him like in any other way than friendship. If you continue to push him for me you'll lose his friendship...and when it comes down to it friendship is more important that a love affair anyday!

 

[Guest]

 

[Kozza]

look I know you guys mean the best, but the thing is, I know that he does like me... Things that has happen in the past has proven that... I just don't understand why he's not admitting to it... And THAT's what I need help with... it's a hard situation, but it has to happen... please give me something to work with...

Btw, I don't want him for sex, I want him for him... for who he is, and what he is... He's amazing, and I really love him, I mean honestly, you guys can't tell me that you have never liked someone before and they didn't return it, how did you feel???

Well I'm SICK and FUCKING TIRED of people treating fat people like shit... expecially guys like this... and part of getting him to want me, is to make him pay... I want him to lose all self-respect and confidence... and I know you guys can help me... thanks!

 

[peachykeen]

go look up "self esteem" in the dictionary. Then, go get some. Look - if you value yourself, you will not put up with this crap. Tell him to have a nice life, and move on with yours. You're only 20 once, don't waste it on this jerk.

 

[ma_guy]

look I know you guys mean the best, but the thing is, I know that he does like me... Things that has happen in the past has proven that... I just don't understand why he's not admitting to it... And THAT's what I need help with... it's a hard situation, but it has to happen... please give me something to work with...

Btw, I don't want him for sex, I want him for him... for who he is, and what he is... He's amazing, and I really love him, I mean honestly, you guys can't tell me that you have never liked someone before and they didn't return it, how did you feel???

Well I'm SICK and FUCKING TIRED of people treating fat people like shit... expecially guys like this... and part of getting him to want me, is to make him pay... I want him to lose all self-respect and confidence... and I know you guys can help me... thanks!

Why does this story read like "Fatal Attraction"?

Those have posted thusfar did try to help you. You just refuse to see it. Your post here highlights the problem and the problem isn't his. It's yours.

You fell for him and have convinced yourself that he's fallen for you. He didn't however, and now what you want is revenge.

You don't need revenge. You need a therapist!

 

[Guest]

 

[ApplesMcgee]

I have to agree

Unfortunately, I think everyone is right.

It doesn't matter if this guy likes you are not at this point. If he chooses not to admit it or give you what you want, then you need to move one.

He's not worth the time and effort. I applaud your efforts for being so dedicated, but if he ain't gonna give on his end, then you need to move on and enjoy your life before all this brings you down.

PowrDragn

 

[letmespanku]

kozza, take the advice of the ladys. men are visual creaturs.if you really like this guy then the only thing left for you to do is change you. unfortunatly loosing weight is a very hard thing to do. and very slow too. its great that you found someone to love..(weve all been in your shoes.) unfortunatly you wont see what everyone is telling you until after you two are nolonger friends.
hes going to be friends with you until he doesnt neet you any more(he doesnt know this .. so dont be mad at him for it ). once he finds someone else she will replace you. its a very sad and painful experience your going through. and theres a name for it. its called ....... life. i hope im wrong. goodluck.

 

[dreamer]

Listen...I've a BAD case of White Knight syndrome myself and I see it screaming in you...don't fall for someone because they 'need' you. They should want you too.

You should have higher standards than you're setting anyhow. Why would you want to date a man that says things like "I don't date girls over size 12" EVEN IF YOU WERE A SIZE 2!!!!

Why do women want these assholes?? Please tell me? Because it's mind boggling to me. You say you want him for WHO HE IS....well it sounds like he's a prick who doesn't mind emotionally screwing with you so he can feel better about himself...Do you usually seek this out in a man?

Find a good guy who will treat you like a queen and who you can treat equally as well. Find a team mate...not a child to care for. It's taken me way too many years, a LOT of heartache and two engagements to learn that lesson.

Oh and on the off chance he's not really a jerk and he does actually care for you I advise COMMUNCATION. Just talk to him about it.

I wish you the best of luck. It sounds like you're a good friend, just be careful about giving that heart out.

 

[hogjack]

Dcreamer hit the mark

Move those standards up.

Respect yourself!

 

[dreamer]

D-creamer...I like that...if I ever change my handle I may need to consider that.

 

[nwlovelylady]

I just have to make a comment here. You say that you love and adore everything about this guy in one sentence and in the next you say that you want revenge and for him to lose his self-confidence. Really caring for someone does not include wanting to hurt them because they don't feel the same way. And if he really cares for you as a friend, then he should do everything he can to respect you and not lead you on.

As for being a large woman, it really doesn't have that much to do with it. I am a large woman and how I am treated by others mirrors how I look at MYSELF. If a man didn't want me because of the size of my body - I certainly wouldn't want the job of convincing him that he was making a mistake. I mean - find someone that loves ALL of you.

Good luck!

 

[dreamer]

Nicely put lovely.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

I asked WHY i wasn't his cuppa tea, he said he didn't like anything about me, my personality, my looks, my weight... everything... so then why am I still his closest friend???

HELP!!!

Okay, princess... he's SO not worth your time! Toss him with this weeks trash. He doesn't like anything about you?! WHAT AN ASSHOLE! Why the hell are you wasting precious time on this jerk?

And don't ask why you're still his best friend.. ask yourself why he's still YOURS!

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Listen...I've a BAD case of White Knight syndrome myself and I see it screaming in you...don't fall for someone because they 'need' you. They should want you too.

I've always maintained that it's healthier to want someone more than you need them.

It bugs my bf's and gf's when they hear from me that I don't NEED them as much as I WANT them, but once I've explained my interpretation of that statement, they understand.

Obviously, buddy needs you. Why? Who knows. But you aren't WANTED. You might think you are, but you're not. His words and his actions seem to prove that.

 

[Kozza]

WHOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Ok guys, you'll be pleased to know that I'm over it... I'm over him... the last straw:

Me: "why aren't I your cuppa tea?"
Him: "It's everything, your looks, your personality, your weight... everything"

ok... I'm over it... it's all over... I am sick and tired of him... and GUESS WHAT??? I fucking told him!!!!

Him: "Have you been telling people that I rejected you badly?"
Me:"well yeah, cos guess what ****, you did"
Him: "it wasn't that harsh"
Me: "think about if your ex said it to you, think about what you would want to do... but hey, I'm over it... I am sick and tired of listening to your shit, encouraging you and then not being given anything in return..."

Ladies and Gentlemen, you will be please to know that I was a HUUUUUUUUUUUGE bitch to him tonight, and he took it all... as he should...
By the way, he did think about what it would be like with me... and I told him, it wouldn't be ANY different than it is now... and that he's just a shallow arrogant prick...

I'm still his friend... but he needs some tough love to bring him down... Anyway, any thoughts on this would be good... and thank you all for you help...

 

[Lust Engine]

Ladies and Gentlemen, you will be please to know that I was a HUUUUUUUUUUUGE bitch to him tonight, and he took it all... as he should...
By the way, he did think about what it would be like with me... and I told him, it wouldn't be ANY different than it is now... and that he's just a shallow arrogant prick...

I'm still his friend... but he needs some tough love to bring him down... Anyway, any thoughts on this would be good... and thank you all for you help...

Well, I'm glad that you finally got up the kahonies to stand up for yourself but couldn't you have done it with out being "a HUUUUUUUUUUUGE bitch"?? Granted he was a bastard for treating you the way he did, but did you really have to dish it back to him and stoop down to his level??

This is friendship??

I guess my idealistic concept (and I know it's idealistic!) is that friends bring out the best in one another and not to dish out "tough love to bring him down."

Again, I'm not forgetting about the rotten treatment he dished to you, but did you just toss it back at him here? When will this end? If this keeps up... is the friendship going to last or are one of you guys just gonna get sick of the sniping back & forth & say "Fuck you... I'm outta here!"

Could a wee bit of diplomacy here been better??

 

[Lust Engine]

Btw, I don't want him for sex, I want him for him... for who he is, and what he is... He's amazing, and I really love him, I mean honestly, you guys can't tell me that you have never liked someone before and they didn't return it, how did you feel???

Well I'm SICK and FUCKING TIRED of people treating fat people like shit... expecially guys like this... and part of getting him to want me, is to make him pay... I want him to lose all self-respect and confidence... and I know you guys can help me... thanks!

One line you say you love him, next paragraph you want him to pay dearly.

You display your love and affection by spouting things like "I want him to lose all self-respect and confidence"???

I'd be deathly afraid of you with that kind of attitude regardless if you were Rebecca Romijn! No one deserves that kind of treatment... especially a person whom you've professed your love for.

I know you've taken offense to some people thinking you were 14 years old, but this kind of behavior makes you look even less mature than that!

Please seek some help for your self esteem and hopefully that'll help you come to grips with some of these relationship issues. We all wish you well here but with that kind of attitude towards love & affection... I'd be scared of you!

 

[dreamer]

As much as I try not to be critical of people, I have to agree. The vindictiveness just isn't a positive way to act, or even THINK about a friend.

I think you either need to reconsider what kind of friend you should be or CAN be, OR cut off the friendship all together.

For my two cents I wouldn't really want to be his friend given his treatment of you. You should want friends that are supportive and positive about you...and EVERYONE for that matter. Do you really want friends that are so shallow?

Don't fall to his level. Decide what kind of person you want to be and BE IT! Then hold people you would call your friends to those standards. Believe it or not there really are some good people out there...it's not impossible to have good friends who aren't jerks. Just remember, you can't be a jerk if you expect to find them.

Best of luck. Take this one example in your life to change how you view yourself and those you associate with. If you let it this could be a life changing experience, in a very positive way.