I think I might be too picky...

[lilminx]

I went out on a date tonight- it was kind of a blind date, as we met on an internet dating site.

When we met in person, he was cute- except I didn't like the way he did his hair- it reminded me of Frankenstein's monster.

I could have dealt with that- EXCEPT, we met at a bar, and he had already told me that he was going to pay for all of our drinks (I had to shell out a lot of money this week and I am totally broke. I told him this when he asked me out and he said it wasn't a problem).
Well, he did pay for our drinks, but he was the worst tipper I've ever seen. I used to bartend and waitress, and I've never seen someone be such a crappy tipper. I think he tipped maybe $1 for every 2 or 3 rounds of drinks. When I go out, I usually tip $2 or $3 a round or $1 a drink- that's standard in Manhattan. It really, REALLY bothered me, and I don't really know why. I felt it was disrespectful to the bartenders. He even asked me at one point, "Should I tip him?" I told hom of course he should, and that the service wasn't bad where we were.

I know that this guy is interested in me and I don't know what the fuck to tell him. He's online right now asking me if I'd be interested in goin gout with him again.

*edited so that my post doesn't look like Rainbow Bright's*

 

[Zamdrist]

Is his hair style so important, could he change it? Is his tipping habits important...? Is it relvant to you? Is there enough interest there to explore the possbilities?

Answering your question with questions.

 

[Liontamr]

I think if his hair and the fact he tips less than you do is the biggest issues that have come out of the date, then he would be worth a second date.

 

[JazzManJim]

I'm thinking that maybe it's not going to go so well with this guy.

The hair is a negotiable point, but the tipping is something I can already tell you will drive you batty. That's enough, were I in the same position, to cut things off.

Unless there's a chance of good sex, that is. Then, maybe I'd go a time or two more.

Yikes..that was bad!

 

[lilminx]

Well, Zam,they are things that really bother me. The hair, not so much. The tipping style, however, I see as a reflection of his respect for ther people. I dated someoneonce who treated watiers and bartenders like shit, although he had professed at one point to have been involved in the restaurant business. Evenetually, I saw his disdain for them transfer on to me. He had little or no respect for many people in general; his treatment of waitpersons was the tip of the iceberg. Maybe I shouldn't judge this guy based on that, but I actually found it embrrassing that I was with him and he was tipping so badly.

 

[SXCRgirl]

I don't think you felt a connection with this guy, otherwise, you wouldn't be SO critical of his hair, etc. I find that we are capable of overlooking a few minor annoyances if the overall impression is great. Maybe go out with him once again just to make sure that you haven't missed something. This time, maybe go out to a restaurant, just to see him in a different light so to speak. This is what I would do.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

If the guy did not make the hair on the back of your neck stand up from repulsion.... give him another chance.


P.S. Maybe he was short tipping because he was having a short money week also but did not like to say that to you.....

 

[Zamdrist]

Well, Zam,they are things that really bother me. The hair, not so much. The tipping style, however, I see as a reflection of his respect for ther people.

One theory might be...while he said he was OK with buying all the drinks...he wasn't gonna say no...so maybe he was just reserving his money to spend on you?

Personally, I think it's a bit shallow to judge someone on their tipping habits. If he didn't tip at all, that would be one thing. He did tip, just not as much as you expected.

Why did it stand out so much to you? Were you looking for to see just how much...?

I don't mean to be critical, just working it out...

 

[Ice Cold]

For me... it is a matter of.... if you had more bad impressions than good ones.... give it up. Unless you think there is more positives to this guy than you saw tonight...otherwise each date you will just find more and more wrong with him.

 

[lilminx]

I guess maybe I just didn't feel a romantic connection, and these are my excuses? I don't know. I just know that it bothers and embarrasses me when someone I'm with is a bad tipper, for no reason. If had been able to pay for any rounds, I would have tipped at least 2 bucks for each round I had bought. He has also told me when we planned the date a few days ago that money wasn't an issue; as a matter of fact, today when we decided where we were going he suggested dinner before drinks and I had told him that it would probably be a better idea jsut to get drinks.

Maybe I will give him another chance, but if he is as crappy a tipper at a restaurant as he is at a bar, I don't know what the hell I'm going to do.

 

[CarolineOh]

One theory might be...while he said he was OK with buying all the drinks...he wasn't gonna say no...so maybe he was just reserving his money to spend on you?

Personally, I think it's a bit shallow to judge someone on their tipping habits. If he didn't tip at all, that would be one thing. He did tip, just not as much as you expected.

Why did it stand out so much to you? Were you looking for to see just how much...?

I don't mean to be critical, just working it out...

I don't think it's shallow at all. I think how people tip is an excellent indicator of character.
Do you know that waitresses are taxed based on an assessment of their tips? So when you don't tip a waiter or waitress, or tip light, you are not merely witholding money from them, you are actually taking money out of their pocket.

 

[MissTaken]

Minx:

Do what you would want to do.

It sounds like there was more to your "not so great" time then just tipping.

If you didn't connect....and don't think you would in a different environment, don't see him again.

Hugs....

Being single sucks!

 

[christo]

I'm reminded of the scene in "Resevoir Dogs" where the crooks are talking after eating breakfast in the diner and Steve Buscemi says, "I don't tip". Funny stuff.

I too have a pet peeve about people who tip low. Hey, if I'm out on a Saturday night having fun, the person who's waiting on me is helping me enjoy myself instead of being out themselves. So I'm a bit more generous than most.

But I wouldn't cut the guy off at the knees after observing his tipping behavior just once. If he didn't tip at all, that would be one thing. If he went on a 20-minute diatribe about why tipping helps terrorists win, that would be another. But don't let the fact that a guy tips a bartender 10% instead of 15% disqualify him for you. Tipping behavior, with gentle reasoning, can be corrected.

Now the hair, I dunno about that...

 

[Cheyenne]

Do you know that waitresses are taxed based on an assessment of their tips? So when you don't tip a waiter or waitress, or tip light, you are not merely witholding money from them, you are actually taking money out of their pocket.

Not exactly true if the waitress reports actual tips (on Form 4070) each month to the employer. Some employers have to allocate additional income if the employees as a group don't voluntarily report at least 8% of gross sales as tips. But the amount allocated is only the difference between the amount reported and the 8% minimum.

My guess is most waitresses average more than 8% minimum tips so the allocation isn't necessary if tip income is accurately reported in the first place. A more likely scenario is NOT reporting the excess tips above the 8% floor, so the excess tips are tax free income. Any waitresses want to start a thread to comment?

*taking off accountant's hat*


In this particular case, it could also be that the guy doesn't visit bars much and is not an expert in what an expected tip in Manhatten would be for a drink. Your $1 per drink tip would be extremely high in my part of the country, by the way.

 

[just pet]

Chemistry is a difficult quality to pin down and explain, but we know it when we experience it. Of course one can change hair, clothes, but one's spirit of generosity... Asking if he should tip the bartender... does he get out much? How are his social skills? Is he 50, never been married, living with his mother? These are questions I would ask. If he isn't generous with those that serve him for their livelihood... how generous will he be with you? Ask him his feelings about tipping. Money is an emotional issue... attitude about it speaks volumes! I always trust first instincts. There are red flags, and more that are subliminal, that have alerted you already. Go with your gut and good luck.

 

[CarolineOh]

Not exactly true if the waitress reports actual tips (on Form 4070) each month to the employer. Some employers have to allocate additional income if the employees as a group don't voluntarily report at least 8% of gross sales as tips. But the amount allocated is only the difference between the amount reported and the 8% minimum.

My guess is most waitresses average more than 8% minimum tips so the allocation isn't necessary if tip income is accurately reported in the first place. A more likely scenario is NOT reporting the excess tips above the 8% floor, so the excess tips are tax free income. Any waitresses want to start a thread to comment?

*taking off accountant's hat*

It's been a few years since I worked in that part of the business, so I may be off the mark a bit, thanks for the clarification. My employer just assumed all waitresses lied about tips and automatically went to the allocation (I think it was 7% then, maybe I misremember)
I'll tell you who gets screwed constantly- breakfast waitresses. I worked for a large hotel chain that comped guests breakfasts, but carried the cost of the breakfast on the books, so that it counted as part of the waitress' sales and she got taxed on the 8% even though half or more of the comped customers didn't tip a dime.

 

[Aphrodisiac]

lilminx,


If you don't like this guy and you don't feel a connection with him... don't even bother wasting your time with him.

I know that might sound rather harsh & since this is only your first date and all ... but why are you going to settle ?!?

Don't hurt the guy's feeling , simply tell him that you don't think its going to work out or some thing along those lines.


Girl , don't settle for anyone or anything !

 

[Ishmael]

I went out on a date tonight- it was kind of a blind date, as we met on an internet dating site.

When we met in person, he was cute- except I didn't like the way he did his hair- it reminded me of Frankenstein's monster.

I could have dealt with that- EXCEPT, we met at a bar, and he had already told me that he was going to pay for all of our drinks (I had to shell out a lot of money this week and I am totally broke. I told him this when he asked me out and he said it wasn't a problem).
Well, he did pay for our drinks, but he was the worst tipper I've ever seen. I used to bartend and waitress, and I've never seen someone be such a crappy tipper. I think he tipped maybe $1 for every 2 or 3 rounds of drinks. When I go out, I usually tip $2 or $3 a round or $1 a drink- that's standard in Manhattan. It really, REALLY bothered me, and I don't really know why. I felt it was disrespectful to the bartenders. He even asked me at one point, "Should I tip him?" I told hom of course he should, and that the service wasn't bad where we were.

I know that this guy is interested in me and I don't know what the fuck to tell him. He's online right now asking me if I'd be interested in goin gout with him again.

*edited so that my post doesn't look like Rainbow Bright's*

Whatever.

*shaking his head as he leaves the room*

Ishmael

 

[AskACumSlut]

$1 a round (waitress bringing drinks to table) in Manhattan or any other urban center is standard tipping procedure. If a man can't afford to tip, he should just go to the corner store and pick up a six pack.

But I agree with the others, it sounds as if you're using his weird hair and niggardly tipping habits as an exit strategy. Use this one for a friend or fuck-buddy 'cause it doesn't sound like he's the real deal by a long shot in this slut's opinion.

 

[Cop4u_69]

I went out on a date tonight- it was kind of a blind date, as we met on an internet dating site.

When we met in person, he was cute- except I didn't like the way he did his hair- it reminded me of Frankenstein's monster.

I could have dealt with that- EXCEPT, we met at a bar, and he had already told me that he was going to pay for all of our drinks (I had to shell out a lot of money this week and I am totally broke. I told him this when he asked me out and he said it wasn't a problem).
Well, he did pay for our drinks, but he was the worst tipper I've ever seen. I used to bartend and waitress, and I've never seen someone be such a crappy tipper. I think he tipped maybe $1 for every 2 or 3 rounds of drinks. When I go out, I usually tip $2 or $3 a round or $1 a drink- that's standard in Manhattan. It really, REALLY bothered me, and I don't really know why. I felt it was disrespectful to the bartenders. He even asked me at one point, "Should I tip him?" I told hom of course he should, and that the service wasn't bad where we were.

I know that this guy is interested in me and I don't know what the fuck to tell him. He's online right now asking me if I'd be interested in goin gout with him again.

*edited so that my post doesn't look like Rainbow Bright's*

I understand what you mean..when I was younger I delivered pizza for a while to help make ends meet...I was paid under minume wage because of tips....Well some days were better than other but when a bill was like 19.30 and someone gave me a twenty and said keep the change...I would be hot and never forgot the address so next time they got cold pizza.....I know I am bad....

 

[Cierra_Dessert]

Unless it specifically indicates on a menu there is a minimum tipping percentage, a person has the option of tipping whatever they want.

I would have made the date for another time when I can contribute to the expenses of the whole evening. I would NEVER expect someone to pay the whole bill without contributing anything, and then criticize them for not tipping enough.


If I was enjoying the evening and he insisted on paying for everything, or wasn't paying enough of a tip, I'd definately throw in more towards the tip.

Being attracted to him, and having a good time, is more important that ones views on how much in tips he's paying especially when you've contributed nothing.

 

[AskACumSlut]

Being attracted to him, and having a good time, is more important that ones views on how much in tips he's paying especially when you've contributed nothing.

Nothing???

The dating world is not an even playing field. Just by showing up when HE's the one that initiated the date is Minx's contribution. Besides, he knew she had no money to contribute to the date from the get-go.

If she would have thrown down an additional dollar or two every round, it would most definitely been perceived as hostile by most thinking men and ruined the date.

 

[CarolineOh]

Nothing???

The dating world is not an even playing field. Just by showing up when HE's the one that initiated the date is Minx's contribution. Besides, he knew she had no money to contribute to the date from the get-go.

If she would have thrown down an additional dollar or two every round, it would most definitely been perceived as hostile by most thinking men and ruined the date.

I agree with you 100%. But even more to the point, what's wrong with a woman heeding the warning bells when they start to go off?
Just because you go on a date with someone, it doesn't mean you owe him a damn thing. I don't care what the issue is, if anything about him makes you uneasy, tell him buh-bye.

 

[lilminx]

THank you to those of you who understand where I'm coming from with the tipping.

This guy is 27 years old, lives with a few roomates, he has a good job and his rent is waaaay less than mine. He goes out often with his friends to bars, so ordering drinks and tipping is nothing new to him.

I don't think it's shallow at all. I think how people tip is an excellent indicator of character.

Thank you Caroline. This is what I was trying to get at.

Ishmael, why "whatever"? If you have something to say, then say it.

 

[paganangel]

minx

well, i think u liked him and resent the fact that he made himself less than desirable by tipping poorly. here's what i think. i think u should go out with him again and find out more about him (and him and you) instead of asking us. we don't know shit. maybe he tips that way because that's the custumary amount wherever he grew up. maybe he does have less money than u think. (think about what people who don't know me think i have.)
point is, u don't know enough yet to judge him.

btw, 4 all those who think she's too picky, she's not.

























not at all.