I think a guy I work with wants to pluck my feathers.

[parodyluvr75]

He's always smiling at me. Whenever he is near me he covers his not so secret shame with a clip board or a book. He is always trying to get me to eat or drink things he brings to work. I found pictures of me covered in an unknown viscous substance in the trash can of the unisex bathroom. He's always bumping into me or brushing up against me. And he told me yesterday he said, "You'd look good covered in olive oil."

I don't want to be his appetizer, main course or dessert. What should I do?

Should I tell him I'd rather have sex with a drunk monk or should I continue to try to ignore him and accidently slam a door on his not so secret shame?

Help.

 

[StrangeView]

He's always smiling at me. Whenever he is near me he covers his not so secret shame with a clip board or a book. He is always trying to get me to eat or drink things he brings to work. I found pictures of me covered in an unknown viscous substance in the trash can of the unisex bathroom. He's always bumping into me or brushing up against me. And he told me yesterday he said, "You'd look good covered in olive oil."

I don't want to be his appetizer, main course or dessert. What should I do?

Should I tell him I'd rather have sex with a drunk monk or should I continue to try to ignore him and accidently slam a door on his not so secret shame?

Help.

Have you tried hitting him in the 'not so secret shame' with a copy of the company sexual harassment policy?

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[parodyluvr75]

Have you tried hitting him in the 'not so secret shame' with a copy of the company sexual harassment policy?

I'd only do that if it was in hardback.

Would you consider amuse bouche?

I'm not that kind of bird!

 

[juttjaw]

Would you consider amuse bouche?

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THIS IS!!??

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[juttjaw]

Les amuse-geules or amuse-bouches are ....a little like a canapé, but might not be practical always to eat standing, and might have too strong a taste to be practical for a plate, so, you might have with drinks or at the table. They are like...they chef's gift and are meant to be a sublime little treat, something not filling but delicious to 'amuse the mouth' . The double entendre was too much to miss.

Dude.. I'm stuck in Midwestern hell.. I don't get 'amuse the mouth' things.. Unless its a half pig or a clod of beef.... OR Reesers pre-packaged beef burritos.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Aglaopheme]

Birdy you have the handy clip thing right there on the clip board. Forget slamming it in the door I would go that route and "clip" his shameful advances.

 

[juttjaw]

I have not been to the Midwest, G has. One of his siblings is living in the Midwest for a while.

Then G should understand.. subtle nuances of civilized life are lost on us savages.

 

[gypsyTX]

Les amuse-geules or amuse-bouches are ....a little like a canapé, but might not be practical always to eat standing, and might have too strong a taste to be practical for a plate, so, you might have with drinks or at the table. They are like...they chef's gift and are meant to be a sublime little treat, something not filling but delicious to 'amuse the mouth' . The double entendre was too much to miss.

"Gueule" feels like such a vulgar word. I guess it's because of "Ta gueule!" It's weird to see it in this context.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Eyereadtoo]

Do you have access to a stapler? You'd be surprised just how many workplace accidents involve a person's extremities and a good, ol' stapler.

 

[parodyluvr75]

Birdy you have the handy clip thing right there on the clip board. Forget slamming it in the door I would go that route and "clip" his shameful advances.

So you think I should nip it in the bud?

 

[pointless]

I'd only do that if it was in hardback.


I'm not that kind of bird!

never underestimate the value of a good paper cut.

 

[Aglaopheme]

So you think I should nip it in the bud?

Eggxacly!

 

[parodyluvr75]

never underestimate the value of a good paper cut.

Eggxacly!

I'm glad you get beakause it flys over most people's heads.

 

[StrangeView]

Do you have access to a stapler? You'd be surprised just how many workplace accidents involve a person's extremities and a good, ol' stapler.

And then you could take pity on him, and help him out with the staple extractor

 

[doctor_insanus]

That'd be great.

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view6/3728093/bill-lumbergh-o.gif

 

[oggbashan]

He just wants to see you do your famous fan dance:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F03IyQ8Atq4

 

[Hypoxia]

Can you openly carry firearms in your state? A Glock on your hip might dissuade him. Or a machete. I found wearing a machete or bayonet on my belt to be a wonderful deterrent.

 

[Finklestein]

That's what happens to plump turkeys.

 

[parodyluvr75]

Can you openly carry firearms in your state? A Glock on your hip might dissuade him. Or a machete. I found wearing a machete or bayonet on my belt to be a wonderful deterrent.

That's an idea.

 

[oggbashan]

Can you openly carry firearms in your state? A Glock on your hip might dissuade him. Or a machete. I found wearing a machete or bayonet on my belt to be a wonderful deterrent.

Years ago, when Og was an Australian Boy Scout, they had a uniform regulation about carrying knives. I was never sure whether it was an official regulation or a local interpretation, but I followed it.

Tenderfoot Scouts carried no knife.
Second Class Scouts wore a clasp knife on their belts.
First Class Scouts wore a sheath knife on their belts.
Those who had passed the Axemanship badge could carry a hand axe on their belt as well as the sheath knife if they were also First Class Scouts.
Those who had won the Bushman's Thong (worn around a shoulder) could carry a machete instead of the axe.

I had earned the right to wear a machete on my belt. I had a very sharp one made by Wilkinson Sword. When wearing Scout uniform in the streets of Australia I had the machete. It was an unusual sight on Bondi Beach. When I changed to go surfing I left it with some friends.

BUT - when I returned to the UK I was still wearing my Australian Scout uniform including the machete. Even in those distant times that was an unusual sight in the streets of London particularly when I attended St George's Day parades in Trafalgar Square.

When I was asked to go to Buckingham Palace to act as a car park attendant for a Royal Garden party my machete caused consternation. But a senior courtier decided that as it was part of my Australian uniform I could wear it, as long as I promised on my honour as a Scout, NOT to take it out of its sheath. Many of the UK Scouts were wearing sheath knives but none had such a lethal weapon.

At the time I was a Queen's Scout (US = Eagle Scout) so I was trusted. My machete attracted some curious looks from those attending the Garden Party, but not much more than my Canadian Mountie-Style hat.

After the event, we Scouts had tea in Buckingham Palace. My machete was in the way when sitting down, so I took it off my belt and put on the table beside my plate.

The senior courtier who had given me permission to wear it asked if he could look at it. That courtier was wearing his medal bar including the Military Cross, and paratrooper's badge. It was a reasonable assumption that he had handled edged weapons.

I reminded him that I had promised not to take it out of its sheath. He told me that I could - now. I passed it to him, sheathed. He was startled when he drew it. It was razor-sharp and heavy. (Later I used to shave with it as a party trick!)

I don't think modern Scouts are allowed even to carry sheath knives.

 

[parodyluvr75]

You have the best stories, ogg.