JazzManJim
On the Downbeat
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2001
- Posts
- 27,360
This post includes adult rambling and scenes of a confused nature. Parental Guidance is suggested...
I've been spending a lot of time reading the thread about Romance that GreenEyedGirl started.
It's a good thread. There are an awful lot of great points in it.
Absolutely none of it resonates with me. None of it speaks to me in any way that puuls my soul and lets me know that it's real for me. None of it, save my posts, really is me at all.
Maybe it is that I honestly don't know anymore what romance is. Perhaps what I've lived has burned that part out of me. Perhaps I've never really had it right all along. What I know about it isn't much - just a few sentences - and it certainly isn't anything I read in the thread.
But that thread covered an awful lot. It covered the full range from hearts and violins to hopeful pragmatism. I don't know what was left that wasn't introduced in some way or another about how we approach romance, and how it works for people. What that leaves me thinking is that, if I'm not fitting into that range, then just maybe I don't have romance in me at all.
I was raised to treat women a certain way. I was raised that there are things you do and don't do around them. Some of that has changed over the years, but most of it stays in place. I open car and building doors. I carry packages and bags. I say "Ma'am" when I meet them. I generally don't curse around them. I give complements freely, even to strangers. I treat them with respect and admiration. You could probably say that I put womankind on a pedestal. It's something I've known since I was a small child and I don't know that I'll ever change that.
In my relationships, though they've not been many, I buy flowers. I remember birthdays as best I can (I write them down, usually). I send cards and leave notes. I write letters sometimes. I've even been known to write poetry. I do as many of the little things as I can to make her life easier. I take as much of the burdens as I can to make her life easier. I try to let her know just how important she is to me and how much I care for her. When my ex was pregnant and we only had a single bed, I slept on the floor so she'd have more room to stretch out and get comfortable. I used to stay awake after she had fallen asleep and started to dream because she often had nightmares and I'd nudge her slightly to break the dream and allow her to rest well. I would watch over her when she was sick, staying up to make sure she rested comfortably.
I didn't do those things out of anysense of romance. I did them because that's how I was raised to act. That just the way things are supposed to be between two people who care for each other. You're supposed to make them feel special. You're supposed to allow them to have flaws, even if they drive you batty sometimes. You're supposed to give of yourself to them.
What it's always come down to for me is the reason I do those things is because I'm a man and that's my job. I don't see those things as romantic. I never have. Don't get me wrong. It makes me very happy when I've done those things and my partner was appreciative. It makes it so much easier for me to do them when she was. But I have the niggling feeling that I would have done them anyway - appreciated or not. No..that's not right. I did do those things when they weren't appreciated - far longer than I should have. But I kept doing them because that's how a man is supposed to treat a woman he loves.
Now, I don't know whether I've been romantic all these years, or just a guy doing what he believes are the right things to do. I lean toward the latter. I don't take credit for any of it. My parents instilled these things in me and they've always been the right and proper thigns to do.
I'm not disparaging how other folks approach romance. I'm not downing those who hear birds chirping and choirs singing. I've just never heard those things. It's just been who I am and how I act. It's never been anything out of the ordinary or special to me. I think in many ways that hasn't been good, though I can't say exactly how. Perhaps it's diminished the sense of wonder I feel in relationships and romance in general.
But was it all romance, or just the way I'm wired? That's what I truly can't figure. Does it even matter which one it is? Is it important that things many find as "big deals" are things I"ve done all my life, because it was right to do them? Or do I have too high an opinion of myself in this? Hell...am I just talking right straight out of my ass?
I'm just meandering. I'm fine. Just been thinking a lot these past couple days.
I've been spending a lot of time reading the thread about Romance that GreenEyedGirl started.
It's a good thread. There are an awful lot of great points in it.
Absolutely none of it resonates with me. None of it speaks to me in any way that puuls my soul and lets me know that it's real for me. None of it, save my posts, really is me at all.
Maybe it is that I honestly don't know anymore what romance is. Perhaps what I've lived has burned that part out of me. Perhaps I've never really had it right all along. What I know about it isn't much - just a few sentences - and it certainly isn't anything I read in the thread.
But that thread covered an awful lot. It covered the full range from hearts and violins to hopeful pragmatism. I don't know what was left that wasn't introduced in some way or another about how we approach romance, and how it works for people. What that leaves me thinking is that, if I'm not fitting into that range, then just maybe I don't have romance in me at all.
I was raised to treat women a certain way. I was raised that there are things you do and don't do around them. Some of that has changed over the years, but most of it stays in place. I open car and building doors. I carry packages and bags. I say "Ma'am" when I meet them. I generally don't curse around them. I give complements freely, even to strangers. I treat them with respect and admiration. You could probably say that I put womankind on a pedestal. It's something I've known since I was a small child and I don't know that I'll ever change that.
In my relationships, though they've not been many, I buy flowers. I remember birthdays as best I can (I write them down, usually). I send cards and leave notes. I write letters sometimes. I've even been known to write poetry. I do as many of the little things as I can to make her life easier. I take as much of the burdens as I can to make her life easier. I try to let her know just how important she is to me and how much I care for her. When my ex was pregnant and we only had a single bed, I slept on the floor so she'd have more room to stretch out and get comfortable. I used to stay awake after she had fallen asleep and started to dream because she often had nightmares and I'd nudge her slightly to break the dream and allow her to rest well. I would watch over her when she was sick, staying up to make sure she rested comfortably.
I didn't do those things out of anysense of romance. I did them because that's how I was raised to act. That just the way things are supposed to be between two people who care for each other. You're supposed to make them feel special. You're supposed to allow them to have flaws, even if they drive you batty sometimes. You're supposed to give of yourself to them.
What it's always come down to for me is the reason I do those things is because I'm a man and that's my job. I don't see those things as romantic. I never have. Don't get me wrong. It makes me very happy when I've done those things and my partner was appreciative. It makes it so much easier for me to do them when she was. But I have the niggling feeling that I would have done them anyway - appreciated or not. No..that's not right. I did do those things when they weren't appreciated - far longer than I should have. But I kept doing them because that's how a man is supposed to treat a woman he loves.
Now, I don't know whether I've been romantic all these years, or just a guy doing what he believes are the right things to do. I lean toward the latter. I don't take credit for any of it. My parents instilled these things in me and they've always been the right and proper thigns to do.
I'm not disparaging how other folks approach romance. I'm not downing those who hear birds chirping and choirs singing. I've just never heard those things. It's just been who I am and how I act. It's never been anything out of the ordinary or special to me. I think in many ways that hasn't been good, though I can't say exactly how. Perhaps it's diminished the sense of wonder I feel in relationships and romance in general.
But was it all romance, or just the way I'm wired? That's what I truly can't figure. Does it even matter which one it is? Is it important that things many find as "big deals" are things I"ve done all my life, because it was right to do them? Or do I have too high an opinion of myself in this? Hell...am I just talking right straight out of my ass?
I'm just meandering. I'm fine. Just been thinking a lot these past couple days.
, romance as a verb means "to distort the truth or invent imaginatively". Who would have guessed?
