I protest

[Master_Vassago]

I just received email saying that a story I wrote for the erotic horror category was going in the Extreme section. I would go back and edit out the one questionable area I think, but the submission has disappeared from que.

I don't think it was an extreme story. But I could be wrong. Anyone have ideas. I can post it here if you would like to read it simply so I have some idea why it is going to extreme. By the way if this is more aimed at the story feedback forum I have no problems having it moved, Ms. moderator.

I wasn't sure which section to put it is so thought I would try the area that has people who have an idea about it.

I'll wait to see if the story should be posted on this thread, or if it's getting moved before I lay it out here in the open.

 

[Master_Vassago]

Decided to go ahead and post the story and seek help.

I don't care about spelling and grammatical mistakes right now. Just where can I change it to fix the story? I was aiming for erotic horror.

Just think of her being on the beach walking alone one night wearing her customary leather little bikini. As she passes by the mouth of a cave she hears a squeal from within. Moments later as she enters the mouth of the cavern to see if she can still hear anything, her flashlight goes out. Instantly she is knocked to the floor and her hands wrapped tightly together and bound over her head to the wall. As she struggles a fierce slap hurdles her into her own subspace.

As she shakes the cobwebs out of her head suddenly she feel big rough hands tugging off her bottoms and slipping their way into her. "Why..?," she cries out. "Because you have entered what was Mine and now I shall enter what is yours slut," the voice responds.

As quickly as the fingers have invaded her wet moist cavern of desire, they slip away. She feel herself hoisted effortlessly over the man/creatures shoulder and totter on the brink of passing out again.

As her eyes open for the second time this evening dazed from the blow that sent her reeling to the floor she realizes she is in an old abandoned motel. She thinks she knows which one it is, having lived around here for a long time and haunted some of these places with her friends late at night to steal away and smoke a joint or two and have a few shots of tequila.

As her eyes adjust to the dim light she sees the figure, veiled in shadows before her. His intentions aren't known but the dampness between her legs makes her think that he has possibly fingered or fucked her by now because her juices are flowing down her thighs.

"Ahhh the pretty dark one is awake," he says in a low grumble. In a flash his lips are upon her neck and his cock jutting against her naked nipples. The tip presses and rubs against her nipples as he crouches over the chair and bites hungrily into the flesh of her neck. His rough hands eagerly seeking warm depths in which to sink.

She finds herself protesting but still opening her thighs in arousal. This putrid smelling man is as strong as an ox and determined to devour nothing less than her soul, she thinks. As she spreads her thighs his incisors tear into her neck and make the blood trickle down her breasts. Her nipples become hard at once and suddenly her mouth is watering and her breath catches in her throat.

As he laps at the trickle of blood her suddenly feel his weight shift away from her. His big hand locks on her jaw and squeezes forcing her mouth open. She wants to protest what's about to happen but her body betrays her.

As his thick cock presses against her tongue her wrap it around him and close her lips encircling his meaty prick. His hands fly to her hair and he fucks her mouth harder and faster. His guttural moans only fuel her on more. Her lost in the moment and can only think of consuming his fleshy wand as it invades her mouth.

Swallow after swallow she tastes the leaking precum from his cock. Her pussy grows even more moist and her start rubbing her thighs together to create a little happy friction. He reaches down and tugs on her nipples forcing her to open her mouth at first to the pain. As her open her mouth he presses the full length of his shaft into her mouth and the tip rushes past her gag reflex and into her throat.


Gulping to try and catch air her throat muscles contract around the tip of his tool and set of a steady stream of pulsing cum shots down her gullet.

As soon as he has finished skullfucking her he spreads her legs apart again and hefts her over his shoulder. Tossing her onto an old mattress he immediately pounces. Covering her body with his and raking his long unkempt nails down her flesh. The nails seem to be talon like, and she feels the trickles of blood flow from where he has scratched and torn the flesh open. His mouth covers the wounds as he thrusts into her. Claiming her body as his own vessel of pleasure once again.

Her wet pussy easily accepts him and she no longer care what is about to happen or is happening just reaching her own screaming climax before she finds out if she was brought here to die. His cock pulses still shooting little streams of cum inside her from his first orgasm as his animalistic instincts to mate with the wet bitch beneath him take over.

His cock pounds inside her and his talon like nails press into the hood of her clit as he fumbles to manipulate her body to orgasm. Her clit pulses in time with his thrusts and despite the fact that she should be crying rape, she finds herself wrapping her ankles around his hips and thumping her heels on his ass spurring him to fuck her deeper and faster. If he is going to treat her like a slut her determined to act like one.

As he slides deeper into her wet depths her feel his hand reaching around and squeezing her ass. Her impulse is to clench and prevent any backdoor intrusion but her find herself once again lulled into obedience and without him having to remove his cock from her wetness her manipulate her body so that her on her hands and knees in front of him impaled by his cock.

He leans over and tugs her hair hard and then pushes it aside as he sniffs the scent of her hair and blood mixed together. His tongue snakes out and her now feel a definite split to his tongue, it's almost snakelike. In that instant her cunt contracts around his massive member and she feels the orgasm rush through her body. She reaches down to stroke her own clit as he pounds her and finds herself reaching beneath to cup his balls.

As she teases them both with her hands her face is pressed into the musty mattress and his hand suddenly comes down and cracks her across her tender ass.

"Oh fuck yes," she moans into the makeshift bed.

Her pussy is quivering from the abuse and she feels lightheaded from the loss of blood. But still she continues to grind her hips back and stimulate the two of them as best she can in her hand bound position.

Again he takes her by surprise as he slips a wet finger into her asshole. Her were so relaxed from cumming that the invasion wasn't even on her mind, just the pleasurable feeling as his finger stimulates nerve endings inside her rectum.

Her ass is now on fire and her cunt juices flowing freely. In a few seconds he barks out a command that she doesn't understand at all and she freezes for the moment. Again the command comes but she is still having no ideas of understanding. His cock withdraws leaving her pussy gaping and begging for attention. That is until her feel his finger leave her ass and suddenly his cock is pressing deep within her bowels.

No fighting no struggle just taking what he knows is his. She reacts as she always does when getting fucked in the ass, slamming her hips back and fingering herself as he pounds her. As viciously as it started he pulls out and rolls her over. He grabs her jaw and forces it open again and in her unalert state her allow this to happen.

His cum shoots out and splashes over her lips and down her neck as her moan and writhe in her pleasure.

Hours later she awakens in the cave, bound once again. As she opens her eyes she sees the thing that has taken her stooping beneath the low cavern walls. The firelight silhouettes him perfectly. He is as big as an ox, naked covered in front by thick patches of hair. His profile shows her a huge man and her know now that the legends are true.

But still there are unanswered questions. Is he a vampire, a freak mutated somehow. She just don't know yet... Perhaps one day she will, but the only thing her know now is that there is another fire in this room that needs no stoking at all... it only needs to be put out. She opens her mouth and calls out, "I'm ready you fucking hideous beast, do your worst to me or free me."

He turns to her and cocks his head, strange animal like at the least. Then her see it that huge cock dangling in front of her face just as he reaches to undo her bindings. The last instinct her have is to please him because he has now claimed her soul. She knows this as she opens her eyes one final time before he slips between her thighs and see the contents of the cavern better now that her eyes have adjusted.

Along the back wall is a pile of skeletons and mismatched bones. Also around the circumference of the room are bodies in various states of decomposition. Finally as he pushes his cock into her once more she turns her head and sees two other beauties with feral eyes glaring at her from their places on the wall. Each has long scratch marks and scars down the length of her body and finally once winks and flicks out her serpent like tongue. She knows now for sure that she is lost to the outside world. She will either be converted or suffer a worse fate.

Closing her eyes she pushes all that aside as his fangs bite into her flesh again and his cock throbs deep within. She is his for whatever use he may have of her, that is the only certainty now...

 

[English Lady]

Hmm well i've just read that through and it seems perfectly erotic horror,i personally don't know why it's been moved to the extreme section...could it be too horrific for some? I truely don't know..I can however say i loved the story

 

[Weird Harold]

I just received email saying that a story I wrote for the erotic horror category was going in the Extreme section. I would go back and edit out the one questionable area I think, but the submission has disappeared from que.

I think a PM to Laurel is in order, asking her to reconsider.

I think you skirted too closely to three forbidden areas:

1: This is hard to decide between whether this is a rape fantasy or a rapist fantasy -- I think it comes down on the safe side as a rape fantasy, but just barely.

2: This has a hint of bestiality in it because you never exactly determine what the creature is -- the description is almost an ape, and almost a vampire, but you leave just abit of doubt as to animal or non-human.

3: the pile of bones hints strongly at a snuff story. Her probable eventual end is as a dead sex slave. I think this is what tipped it to the extreme category

Personally, I don't think you actually crossed any lines, but I'm not the one to make the decision.

FWIW, the substitution of "her" for "she" in a couple of places would prejudice Laurel against it if they were in the submitted version.

 

[KillerMuffin]

You should do as WH said. Ask her what the difficulties are so you can alter your text to come within standards.

One of the criteria for EH (I do know this for sure) is that it be horror. That was not horror, that was non-human. Horror includes the element of fear. She's loooking for horror, not write ups of slasher flicks.

 

[MathGirl]

Dear MasterV,
Any story with "massive member" in it is okay with me.
MG

 

[Guest]

massivity

Dear MasterV, Any story with "massive member" in it is okay with me. MG

That's why I look up to you, MG. Massive scares me. Hey, that should make it horror.

Master V: Let us know what happens (w/the cate-gorey, or a sequel.

best regards always, Perdita

 

[SexyChele]

I agree with KM - this seemed more non-human than anything else to me. And WH makes some interesting points. Not sure why it went to Extreme, but only Laurel can answer that question.

Good luck!

 

[Master_Vassago]

Thank you everyone. I am still waiting for a reply from Laurel I used the email link. LOL, she never responds to those I don't know what I was thinking, so pm time it is.

Oh, and I could easily accept the non-human category and remove the bones portion of the story and lose nothing about the story itself.

As for the she and her references they were originally all you's and your's. But I didn't like how that would be seen by the reader. Perhaps if I can relocate and fix the story I will put a name in it and cut out as many her and she references as I can.

I had just decided to play with the usual way I write normally leading heavy on the characters names.


Thank you all for your suggestions and views. I will keep you up to date.

 

[Chicklet]

Also,

When I edited a story that had been sent to Extreme I just re-submitted it on Literotica with notes that now it didn't need to go to Extreme at all. Since Laurel doesn't have the chance to update the Extreme section as often, it didn't seem to be a big problem...

-Chicklet

 

[Chicklet]

re: changes

Okay so what I think was "protestable" about the story is as follows:

In the beginning when he hits here and knocks here out. In all the stories I have read from the non-consent category I have never read one with violence like that. I think that it is objectable. Option, perhaps you could him just put a hand next to her head, or on her face, and she faints with fear? That's more exciting imho.

Being fucked while unconscious is also sort of a limit for me in my reading. I think you should have her wake up to his hands on her, his fingers moving up her thighs, and describe the finger-fuck. then for effect he could leave her alone for a while to think about it, and then he could come back and do the rest of the story.

-Chicklet

 

[Master_Vassago]

Thanks Chicklet now that I read that I think I could change it accordingly with the ideas others here suggested as well. Thanks your all wonderful. NO not kissing ass just thanking the minds that have contributed. That's what makes certain areas of lit, truly special. I didn't see one you suck.

Although I do know chicklet's thinking <Dickhead> lol.

 

[Chicklet]

(actually i was lingering on the ass kissing, myself...)

 

[Guest]

MV: brava, Chicklet. I am wary of being judgmental in criticising writing, esp. regarding subject matter vs. the work, but I too will not read violence-against-women and rape stories (can't bear them in movies or on TV either). For me a rape fantasy always ends up being consensual, the willingness of desire simply not recognized at first, or ambivalent for the character, so that it's not really a rape, just a role play. Anyway, I'm glad you seem a gracious man.

Best again, Perdita

 

[Chicklet]

just to clarify, i like rape stories, i just thought i knew what might be the 'problem' with Master V's story.

(xo)

Chicklet

 

[Master_Vassago]

I tried to change make sure that through the rape aspect she gave in. It was obvious in my mind but perhaps it didn't, for lack of better words here, bleed through that way.

I do appreciate the thoughts Purdy. I don't ask for them very often and perhaps I should. I tend to rely on my own mind and thoughts and just post the stories after having edited them. I see I missed a few things here that could have been changed to give the story a little more flavor.

Thanks again MV.

 

[Chicklet]

off topic I know - HEY DICKHEAD! your friggin' pm box is full...I just lost the most beautiful pm i've ever written to cyberspace! don your best "survival in space" outfit and go find it for me! NOW!

 

[Chicklet]

also, how am i s'posed to get in touch with you on msn if i don't know your screen name? ARGH!

 

[Master_Vassago]

lol you have it now the msn name that is. Check your pm box. Besides I get a few pm's at times chicklet and I don't always remember to erase them. Problem is fixed.

 

[Master_Vassago]

Also if no one hears from chicklet for a while I am going to abduct her and teach her about calling Me a dickhead in public. So please forward the ass av of her to the milk carton people.

 

[Guest]

what a cute couple

LOL

 

[Chicklet]

Also if no one hears from chicklet for a while I am going to abduct her and teach her about calling Me a dickhead in public. So please forward the ass av of her to the milk carton people.

lmao

 

[MathGirl]

calling Me a dickhead in public.

Well, if you closed one eye, there is a certain resemblance. In the right light. If you use your imagination. If you're drunk.
MG

 

[Master_Vassago]

LOL MG sometimes I dislike you with a passion. Ok, I like you and you're not the first person this week to make the resembling remark.

 

[Guest]

you get around, MV

LOL again. And I thought you and Chicklet were a cute couple!

God, get this image of you and MG out of my head!

respectfully, Perdita