I need your advice...please help!

[sexycaz22]

I need some advice from you lovely guys!!

As most of you know, I am a "newbie" and is on my journey, exploring and discovering who I am. At the moment, I am on the "receiving" end (a pyl) and is loving every moment of it, still quite a lot to learn.

However, I have been having some fantasies about being on the "giving" end (a PYL) and it turns me on very much indeed. I often dream about having a subbie boy and doing things to him i.e. tying him up; teasing him or getting him to do some domestic chores wearing certain uniforms. Just writing about it excites me!!

I have been chatting with a switchy boy who is older than me and have been a Dom for some time, but recently have been a submissive and finding that he likes the feeling of being a submissive more than being a Dom. He knows that I have been having some PYL fantasies and have offered himself "on a plate" to me and allowing me to act out my PYL fantasies on him.

We will be meeting for lunch next week to talk more about it.

So, what kind of advice do I want from you guys?

Basically, if we do get our first play session, what should I do as a PYL? I don't want to be too harsh the first time, but I don't want to be seen as soft either. (if that makes sense?) What kind of activities should I do? Should we do a roleplay to get us in the mood or should I get him to do some domestic chores? Or should I tie him up and do things to him?

I know, questions, questions!! LOL

I would be very very grateful if you could give some advice. ANYONE can chime in, but mostly I would love to hear from other PYL (Doms or Dommes) and Switches.

Thank you!

 

[catalina_francisco]

These are questions only he can answer IMO. What one person would expect/want, would be a turn off, too much, not enough for another. My first experience at topping entailed lots to tapping into his personality, what sent his meter from 0 to 100 in a second, what turned him off, what he hoped the experience might be...and I went from there. None of the male subs we have played with have wanted to have a session of going easy, but others may prefer that. Talk to him.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

I'd do whatever I wanted, honestly. I mean "on a plate" is "on a plate" right? Obviously avoiding his hard limits whatever those might be, and obviously keeping a few of his expressed interests at the back of your mind, just like what you like and get it out of him.


I know that's probably not that helpful, but almost all women tend to overlook that part when they are in the "omg he wants me to dominate him" moment. It's a good thing to touch base with.

What do you like?

 

[BiBunny]

I'd do whatever I wanted, honestly. I mean "on a plate" is "on a plate" right? Obviously avoiding his hard limits whatever those might be, and obviously keeping a few of his expressed interests at the back of your mind, just like what you like and get it out of him.


I know that's probably not that helpful, but almost all women tend to overlook that part when they are in the "omg he wants me to dominate him" moment. It's a good thing to touch base with.

What do you like?

Again, I agree with Netz. Ask him what things he really likes, and give them to him if you want. Ask yourself what you want out of the encounter. Do you want to inflict lots of pain, to the point that he's whimpering, "Please, no more, Miss," even though he's still willing to take it for you? Do you want to tease the hell out of him and use his sexuality against him, getting that "Please, Miss, let me cum" reaction out of him? (Both are equally yummy, in my opinion!)

Don't stress too much. I find that other switches are the most tolerant of each others' uncertainties, simply because they've been there themselves. Have fun and report back on how it goes!

 

[sexycaz22]

Pretty much what I thought would be the advice....just wanted confirmation from some others, it does help to have confirmation lol!

Thank you, Catalina, BiBunny and Netzach, much appreciated!

BiBunny, I will be sure to report back on the experience, but might be not for a while, probably in December or January as he is flying out to the OZ for his work for 2 weeks...bad timing! DAMN IT!! (pictures might be involved...will have to ask for permission first! )

Netzach, Doms are always asking me about hard limits and yet I forgot to ask him about HIS hard limits, thank you for reminding me! *laughs* As for what I do like...well...that's the problem...I don't know!! I don't have much stuff, only a small and cheap flogger, a couple of restraints and ......well that;s it! Any ideas would be appreciated - household stuff or something.... LOL

Catalina, yes, I will have to talk to him about what he wants from the play session, while I do want things my way, it would be good to know what he does expect from the play session.

 

[Chris_Xavier]

Don't stress too much. I find that other switches are the most tolerant of each others' uncertainties, simply because they've been there themselves. Have fun and report back on how it goes!

Sound advice - I hate you for it.

 

[catalina_francisco]

As for what I do like...well...that's the problem...I don't know!! I don't have much stuff, only a small and cheap flogger, a couple of restraints and ......well that;s it! Any ideas would be appreciated - household stuff or something.... LOL

A thick, soaking wet bath towel (hand wrung of course) doubled in half makes an excellent flogger if you like thuddy.

Catalina

 

[sexycaz22]

Any ideas / suggestions?

OK, now I need some ideas for a good play session.

Like I said in my earlier post, I don't have a huge toy collection, and at the moment, can't really buy any good ones...even though I desire to buy!!

So, I was wondering, if anyone have a suggestion of what I could use in the house - i.e.

Cloth pegs - nipple clamps

Things like that, you know?

Also, I would be very very grateful if you could refer to some old threads which might have some suggestions etc....

(as I know, the Search function sometimes can be a hassle!! )

I would be grateful!

 

[Netzach]

My first session involved having the slave tied up at my feet while I had a dinner I had lovingly cooked with some kinky friends, and poking him intermittently with my fork, with him blindfolded. Then he got to kiss my feet.

Had I been hot for the gentleman I would have probably had him get me off in myriad ways, but that wasn't my interest with him. Reads good on paper though.

 

[BiBunny]

OK, now I need some ideas for a good play session.

Like I said in my earlier post, I don't have a huge toy collection, and at the moment, can't really buy any good ones...even though I desire to buy!!

So, I was wondering, if anyone have a suggestion of what I could use in the house - i.e.

Cloth pegs - nipple clamps

Things like that, you know?

Also, I would be very very grateful if you could refer to some old threads which might have some suggestions etc....

(as I know, the Search function sometimes can be a hassle!! )

I would be grateful!

Depends on what you're wanting to do, but here are a few household things I use for "lighter" play:

Candles for wax play (only the non-colored kind and be sure you try it on yourself first to see how hot it burns)

Ice

Shoestrings for cock-and-ball bondage (ponytail holders or hair ribbons work pretty well for this, too), or combine the clothespins with the shoestrings for zippers, for a more intense effect

Wooden spoons (and other things) work pretty well for impact toys

Saran wrap for mummification (not around the head, though)

Bleh--I know I have plenty more, but those are all I can come up with off the top of my head. Feel free to PM me if you like. I'm working on gaining experience for my Top side.

 

[DeservingBitch]

My first topping experience was with a guy I had been bottoming to for a while, who has been into BDSM for the last 25 years or so, and had been a live-in sub for a Domme in his younger years. Add to that the fact that I am a detail control-freak and have a general imposter syndrome that I carry around (I tend to hide it pretty well though), and you can imagine who frickin stressed out and anxious I was about 'performing' Top. Being the academic nerd that I am, I did all the research I could, read every relevant thread I could find here on Lit to gather ideas and make sure I had my basis covered in terms of safety. Because I'm desperatly ADD, I also made a list on my palm of the 3-4 activities/scene/toys I really wanted to try out. I brought with me all the toys, pervertibles, and equipement I had or could afford at the time.

I managed to make only one of the things on my list. Why? Because while the first scene I had planned was going on, ideas kept popping in my mind of other stuff I wanted to do, and I just went with the flow. And we had such an amazing time together.

Not everything worked out as planned. He was a big fan of GS, and the idea was really hawt in my head, so we tried it. For the life of me, I couldn't manage to get one drop out of me. I pulled a "well, that's not MY problem is it", teased him at how disapointed he was for not being pissed on, and we moved on (and after a few more unsuccesful try, I came here and asked people for advice on how to get pee out of me!).

So, I'd say like everybody else said before. Try to figure out what YOU would like to do. What do YOU find hawt, fun, exciting. And once you're there, try to just go with the flow.

As for pervertible, other could certainly contribute more ideas, but for a start: clothespins, wax, ice, wooden spoons, leather belt, ginger roots, hair brush, spatula, fishing weights, etc.

 

[Netzach]

God I can never pee under pressure either.

 

[sexycaz22]

Thank you to you lovely ladies for the ideas.

I am forming a play session in my mind, but really, I much prefer to go with the flow. However, I do need to talk with my sub friend and seeing what he wants from the session, also, just to give me an idea.

Don't want to say too much at this stage, but you have given me some ideas!!

But may I ask...ginger root? (I have heard a few things about this, but never fully understood....)

 

[EmpressFi]

But may I ask...ginger root? (I have heard a few things about this, but never fully understood....)

I forget what it's called but ginger root placed in the anus is supposed to give a good burning/tingling sensation

 

[nh23]

I forget what it's called but ginger root placed in the anus is supposed to give a good burning/tingling sensation

figging

 

[EmpressFi]

figging

{{{{{{{{{{NH}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thank you!!!!! I've been racking my brain for a while now

 

[nh23]

{{{{{{{{{{NH}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thank you!!!!! I've been racking my brain for a while now

Your Welcome I've also heard it does nice things in the vaginal area and on the clit too. Supposedly leads to very intense orgasms. I have yet to try though.

 

[sexycaz22]

Wow...now I am getting excited...

I just wrote down the scene on paper with some ideas you suggested as such as ice, wooden spoon, belts.

I am not interested in CBT however, I would tease and use flogger on the cock - gently of course.

Wow...I am turned on... *fans self and blushes*



** EDITED **

For any little subbie boy!! *laughs*

 

[DeservingBitch]

Your Welcome I've also heard it does nice things in the vaginal area and on the clit too. Supposedly leads to very intense orgasms. I have yet to try though.

Oh yeah - ginger roots is very versatile. yummy in curry, and a lot of fun when used on/in pink parts.

 

[DeservingBitch]

This may be useful too: DIY toys .

 

[sexycaz22]

This may be useful too: DIY toys .

Thank you

Have had a quick look, will have a proper look when I have more time.

As for this guy I am supposed to top, I have just found out that he is married, but he says he is separated, although he is back home looking after the children because his wife is not feeling well.

I always am wary about getting involved with attached men, unless their SOs, other half etc knows about it.

So now I am not sure....and is thinking about it carefully.

 

[Netzach]

Thank you

Have had a quick look, will have a proper look when I have more time.

As for this guy I am supposed to top, I have just found out that he is married, but he says he is separated, although he is back home looking after the children because his wife is not feeling well.

I always am wary about getting involved with attached men, unless their SOs, other half etc knows about it.

So now I am not sure....and is thinking about it carefully.

If I had the same boundaries, this would set off my bullshit detectors internally like the Chernobyl of all bullshit.

Eh, I don't and it does.

There are many many many unattached sweet things who want to suffer for ya. Welcome to the rockin' demographics of femDom.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I can't advise on topping as it's never been something I've been drawn to. I think the only thing that comes close is when Master wants some anal play (his, rather than mine) so then I'm in control as it were although technically it's part of my service.

A checklist would be a handy way to negotiate limits and get some ideas. You could also get him to write or email his fantasies so you have an idea of where to start with the guy.

 

[sexycaz22]

OK... a little update....

First of all....re: the married sub....we have talked about it and I have explained that I am uncomfortable with getting involved with a married man with a quite lot of baggage. So, we agreed to leave it for now, which is good, at least for me!

So, I have updated my profiles on CM and IC (Informal Consent) and quite a few male subs & Switch have sent me some lovely and not so lovely messages....among these messages, I am currently talking with a few subs.

However, with one of them, I have met with today....got quite a lot in common, mostly talked about books & movies, a nice guy with a good sense of humour. Went really well and we are now talking about a play session the next time we meet, and I am really, really looking forward to it! Hopefully next week, just need to find some time to fit a play session in! Looking forward to experiencing as a Top for the very first time!!

 

[nh23]

OK... a little update....

First of all....re: the married sub....we have talked about it and I have explained that I am uncomfortable with getting involved with a married man with a quite lot of baggage. So, we agreed to leave it for now, which is good, at least for me!

So, I have updated my profiles on CM and IC (Informal Consent) and quite a few male subs & Switch have sent me some lovely and not so lovely messages....among these messages, I am currently talking with a few subs.

However, with one of them, I have met with today....got quite a lot in common, mostly talked about books & movies, a nice guy with a good sense of humour. Went really well and we are now talking about a play session the next time we meet, and I am really, really looking forward to it! Hopefully next week, just need to find some time to fit a play session in! Looking forward to experiencing as a Top for the very first time!!

Yay!! I'm really glad to hear it!