I need some help with this one....

[EarthWind]

I would say I am a reasonable person.. but I'm naive.

A 9 year old child...

Lied to me.. stole from me... ruined items in my home... ruined my house itself..

9 YEARS OLD!!

And he's not even my child!!!!

It's been over a month since I've taken care of him and his 10 year old sister.

Why would he do this!?!?!

I give him a warm place to sleep, good food, plenty of activities to do...

I do have guidlines, and requests that I think are not innapropriate..

Dont go messing in things that aren't yours.
Watch out for the smaller children, they watch everything you do.
No jumping on the bed.
Wash your hands after you use the washroom.
Mind your pleases' and thank yous.

I need some advice.. one more thing happend this evening that really clued me in that maybe this kid is more trouble then I can handle... but a part of me thinks I can help him...

Then I get pissed off about the shit he tried to pull!!!


Advice please!?!?

 

[MightyZor]

I think maybe it's because he views you as a non-friendly person he can't trust, so he has no reason to be nice to you. You should try to imagine that he IS your child and that he want to be loved, so help him.

 

[EarthWind]

I think maybe it's because he views you as a non-friendly person he can't trust, so he has no reason to be nice to you. You should try to imagine that he IS your child and that he want to be loved, so help him.

Sad thing is.. I do.

I know its weird, but I would like to hope that I would raise my kids not to do that...

Not to say they might not.. but im hoping..

Thing is, i was excited to be able to take care of children again. I love them.. there is something so innocent about them and being in my care I am not only responsible for them, but I am an influence...

I helped raise a girl for three year with her mom. The best thing about being with that family, was knowing that the girls mom sees attributes of me in her daughter.. such as she loves the outdoors, loves to read and has a very gentle nature.


Now you tell me I don't love these kids under my care and treat them like my own.


As a side note, I have a degree in Early Childhood Care/Education. That doesnt make me an expert, but I know somethings.

 

[bluespoke]

EarthWind

I'm sure you love that kid as if he were your own but some kids just go through that phase where they destroy everything and pinch anything no matter how good people are to them.

I think you either have to persevere and take the blows or bow out gracefully.

 

[Mad_Jack_Rabbit]

Avoid giving him sweets and sugary food stuffs and drinks with lots of artificial colouring and sweeteners.

Reward and praise rather than punish.

There may be organisations that can suggest ways of dealing with this.

 

[EarthWind]

Thanks Bluespoke; Rabbit..


his life so far hasnt been peachy, i know that..



i think i just might hang in there a little bit longer

 

[bluespoke]

Thanks Bluespoke; Rabbit..


his life so far hasnt been peachy, i know that..



i think i just might hang in there a little bit longer

Your heart is obviously in the right place. Good luck.

 

[intrigued]

Could it be that the child is still in the honeymoon period, and is still testing the waters?

He seems to need alot of one on one, can you provide that?

 

[SilverVeil]

Not knowing exactly what he did and all, my experience with children who behave in such a manner has been that they have no reason to treat someone who cares for them decently as everyone they have met in their short mistreated lives have screwed them over in someway. For some of them, they will steal something small that they have no clue as to what it is, it is just something they can " take " from someone as so much has been taken from them, it is a treasure they can hide and look at over and over, and just knowing they have it, gives them some measure of comfort.

Some will steal food, never knowing when they will get food again in abundance. That is the saddest to me. That someone has to think they have to steal food because they do not have enough to eat.

If your interaction with this child is a infrequent happening, the best I can suggest is to be an influence that hits them like fire. Something they will remember for a long time. Maybe all their lives even though they never see you again. Find a way to make some kind of difference to him that matters in some big way. Give him some kind of responsibility when he is with you. Something special. But not patronizing, most kids can tell when you are shining them on about something.

I don't know if this will help or not. Best of luck anyway.

 

[Soblue]

He sounds like a "tester" Seeing what he can get away with, which is very normal for a kid who is looking for attention.

Not really sure why you are taking these kids in, are they related? If they are going to be in your life permanently, and you want to have any influence, you will. I believe that 9 years old isn't too late to change a child for the better, it will just take commitment, example, affection and patience as a start.

Good luck

 

[ma_guy]

I'd guess some of these comments here are right on. How well does this kid know you? Has he ever been in your house before?

At 9, he's testing boundries, seeing how far he can push you and what he can get away with.

You have to decide where the limits are and enforce them. There is more to rasing a kid than being nice to him/her (I'm sure you know that but...). They need to hear "no" sometimes and it has to be backed up.

 

[EarthWind]

The whole story is here:

http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=134020

Thanks everyone for your advice. I knew I could count on the awsome people of Lit!!

Not knowing everything about their lives leaves me a little blind, but I know the boy craves things.. he's always asking me if he can have something of ours, and he pesters when I say no until I finally tell him its enough. He looks into everything, and doesnt listen very well.

example:

He was touching an oil decanter, very expensive.. I asked him to not touch it. He picks it up.

There is a little box of my husbands personal items on a shelf.. I saw him looking around there and I told him he can touch anything except the little box. He picks it up.

He ran around the house with my hamster squished in the palm of his hand after I asked him to make sure it stayed on the red table...

When I confronted them about things that happend, they both said it wasnt them.. of course one is lying and unfortunately now I'm learning towards the boy...

I made jello and the boy kept asking when it would be done, i told him by 830.. asked me again at 730, at 745 at 8 at 815 etc.. went into the fridge to see finger marks in one of the bowls.

I had some craft materials for them to play with such as stamps, paper, crayons, beads, string etc. Went in one day to find rolling stamp marking on my shelf and wall.

etc..


They dont come every day, but its constant.. every other 2 days for 2 days (such as every other weekend). There is no relation.

We bake cookies, we do science experiments, if there is a special show on tv they want to watch they can...

I even told the boy we could sit down every night and read a little something out of the books I get from the library for them, and if they want to watch a particular movie i go to the library to see if they have it (only cost $1 for one for 4 days)

I made them brownies and I cant even eat chocolate!!!

sigh

if u have questions id be happy to answer..
Thanks again for the advice!!


(sorry to ramble so)

 

[EarthWind]

A wee update...

Im trying something new. being their friend really didnt work, so now I'm the understanding, caring woman who makes sure their needs are taken care of, including the emotional kind.

So far, (one night) its goind ok...