I need some feedback (for my sanity's sake)

[The Clu]

La Familia De Ortega

I wanna know what other people think of my try at the Incest genre. It's the first one I posted on Literotica (Chapter 2 is up) and seeing as though I've never posted my stuff on the internet (more for my friends to enjoy ) so I would appreciate the feedback muy mucho.

Peace until next time

 

[sirhugs]

Oh, I wish I liked it better. After my run in with the Count, I need to be nice.

You need practice, and editing. The opening paragraph is all jumbled and tries to say too much too jammed together. Your structure is lacking throughout the first half of the story.

Having gotten past that, you write dialogue well, and the plot picked up pace and steam nicely as you went along. Although you have lots of room for improvement, for any readers who get padt the opening, it ends up as a nice little story.