I need some advice

[belthazor]

Hello everyone. I am a 24 year old male and I need some advice on a matter that’s been kinda bothering me for a little while now. So here is the rundown on the situation. 5 years ago I started working for a small company that prints on T-shirts. It started out with me and another guy and my boss. Well 3 years later a 40 yr old woman started working there and me and her have become real good friends. Not to mention she is good looking and married. Anyways, we always see each other at work, obviously. I have been over to her house only 2 times. During those times her husband was there. So I guess our friendship is strictly a friendship…. or so I thought. In the past year and a half now, I have developed feelings for her but I have not told her because I thought maybe she would think I’m stupid or something. She’s just someone who you can hang around with and we confide in each other a lot. We tell each other whats going on in our personal lives and I think that’s cool. Yesterday we took lunch together in the breakroom and that’s when all the cards were thrown onto the table. She revealed to me that she thought we were more than just friends and that she had feelings for me. I was kind of shocked but at the sametime I was expecting it because there have been 2 instances where she told me that she had wild dreams. And in those 2 instances I was in her dreams. I didn’t think nothing of it because well, its just a dream. Everybody dreams weird stuff. Anyways, she told me she loves her husband but she just doesn’t understand why she feels this way towards me. I told her that I thought I was the only one that had feelings like this and she said no your not the only one. I asked her how she could tell and she just said body language. I have never been in a situation like this before and its bothering the hell out of me. I really like her a lot but what should I do? Not be friends with her anymore? Maybe work somewhere else so I am not around her? Her husband is already being suspicious of us and we haven’t done anything. That’s why I rarely go over to her house because I do not want her husband to start thinking things. We give each other hugs but that’s it. Big Deal. I just don’t know what to do. Of all the people who live in town here, this had to happen to me! Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I hope for those who read this are able to understand what I'm trying to explain here because I am terrible at explaing things in written down words. Thank you.

 

[Bobmi357]

The smart move would be to remain friends, acknowledge there are some feelings there that can not be expressed and move on with your life.

Do not risk her marriage by acting on your feelings. Suggest you two take a time out and stop hanging together during off periods from work. Find yourself an unattached female that is interested in you and doesn't have the baggage of a husband and family to muddy the waters.

If the husband is already suspicious of something then she's already giving off subtle clues that something is amiss. Unless she's ready to give up her marriage, the best thing for you would be to back off and let her try to fix things with her husband.

 

[Noor]

okay feelings are one thing, actions are another.

Just because you have feelings doesn't mean you need to act on them, most people have stuff like this. I have been in situations like this, I am in one similiar now.

I think you should try and talk to her again. Maybe you can morph your feelings into something else, some other kind of friendship. I would stop hugging though and not be alone with her in places you can't be seen. Its hard to not be friends with people you like, and running away rarely helps. I think if you guys change your interactions a bit, it will calm down. Listen to her but don't tell her how you feel unless you want to fuel more fantasies. I don't think you should leave work as you have been there longer and you are not unhappy there.

I hope this helps.

 

[Willing and Unsure]

well, I dont really know what you should do. As far as the woman is concerned, I think it's normal to feel some sort of attraction to someone else when in a monogomous (sp?) relationship with someone. I know I've done that before, and I'm sure others have as well. It's acting on those feelings that makes a difference.

As far as you're concerned, you havent done anything wrong. I would be wary though if you dont want to be the cause of her marraige falling apart, especially if her husband is already suspicious. It's a tough situation and I recommend talkign to her about what she wants to do, as well as what you want to come out of all this too. If she's willing to throw away her marraige, then that's her choice, just dont make it yours.

 

[EJFan]

and don't forget that if she, at some point in the future, winds up leaving her husband for you, she MAY wind up leaving you for someone else.

non-monogamy is fine, just be prepared for it in case it backfires on you.

 

[belthazor]

Thanks for the reply people. I won't leave my place of work because of this situation. And your right Bobmi357, we should remain friends and I pray it will stay at that. The hugging thing, she's the one that says give me a hug and I end up giving her one so the logical course of action is for me to back away next time. She'll be looking for me online tonite but I think I will decline in chatting with her. Ya know, give us the weekend to think things through. That would be a smart thing for me to do. I thank you again for replying to this post.

 

[watergirl]

Good advice on here.

You sound like a good person for not acting on your attraction to her so far. Keep it that way. Lots of good advice here so far. Good luck.

 

[SweetErika]

Thanks for the reply people. I won't leave my place of work because of this situation. And your right Bobmi357, we should remain friends and I pray it will stay at that. The hugging thing, she's the one that says give me a hug and I end up giving her one so the logical course of action is for me to back away next time. She'll be looking for me online tonite but I think I will decline in chatting with her. Ya know, give us the weekend to think things through. That would be a smart thing for me to do. I thank you again for replying to this post.

Sounds like a very difficult situation, but remember you're both adults and it takes two to tango, so if you don't want to go farther than friends, it doesn't have to. I'd talk to her about not wanting to be involved with someone who's married before you back away from a hug...even good feelings can quickly turn to hurt and animosity. Stick to your guns, and it'll work out. Good luck!

 

[special_couple2004]

So far everyone has concentrated on this one woman! I may be wrong but I guess you are currently single and have no other outlet for your feelings. Perhaps if you were to focus on someone else and let this awkward situation move into the background you would stop worrying so much about it.

Whatever you do though listen to your inner voice.

J of special_couple2004

 

[belthazor]

Thank you

Thank you all for your advice and your words of encourgement. I feel I will do the right thing. Thank you again. And yes, special_couple2004, I have been single for 5 years now.... yeah yeah I know its a shame.