I need some advice..

[MrBlueEyes01]

Hello all, this is my first post on the boards but I've been lurking around Lit as a nameless anon for a good 10+ years. Finally worked up the nerve to post something. Figured this would be a decent place to ask for some advice. Little bit of background so you can understand where I'm coming from.

While I am still a virgin that itself isn't my problem. I've managed to get 4 or five different women interested enough to take me home and into their bedrooms over the last decade or so. (All meet ups where via craigslist back when personals where still allowed there, so it's been a few years since Ive even tried.) The problem is that the instant I go from the flirting at a coffee shop phase to the physical phase I get incredibly nervous and my mind starts hyper-focusing on trying not to screw things up. I suppose you would call it anxiety. This is so prevalent that while I've been rather successful with foreplay, I have never been able to move beyond that point. I just cant get it up, not because I'm physically incapable. Its just that the sate of near panic that I'm always in at that point seems to be a real boner killer for me.

I am currently a 33 year old guy living in Central Cali, reasonably good looking 6'1" not great shape but not heavy ether .. so I'm average. Would get professional help if my insurance covered it but it doesn't. And since I have worked at night for the last 4 years I have had little to no social interaction outside of work/family. I don't have anyone to talk to about this kind of thing. I'm at my rope's end here and I just don't know what to do.

Thanks for your time I know I started rambling, sorry about that, writing this isnt easy for me. Whether you have some ideas for me or not i hope you all have a good day.

 

[peterherring425]

Seems you have got a mental target to perform to a set standard and in reality you shouldn't.

Relax and enjoy the company , don't rush and see see if it makes a difference for you.

 

[Dribble]

I know you don't have insurance...but mental health is more important than money. Make it happen. Do some research.....find a counselor. You are worth it

 

[Escierto]

If you are really in a bind, take some Vitamin V. Your boner will have a mind of its own!

 

[Roleplay_Mom]

Rather than trying to cure your sexual anxiety, have you considered how to better embrace it? Perhaps a cuckold lifestyle is something that will fulfill your needs? Feel free to do your own Internet research about cuckoldry; but in its simplest form, it is merely having a more confident man serve as a surrogate for you in the bedroom, while you help facilitate everyone’s pleasure.

If you would like to learn more about cuckoldry or discuss things in private, go to your profile settings and turn on your private messages and feel free to send me a private message.

-Nancy

 

[LuzLee1965]

Hello. I would be willing to take time to chat with you about this. Please pm me here
Luz Lee

 

[MrBlueEyes01]

OK, so turned my private messages on.

And therapy.. definitely a good idea, unfortunately my current insurance doesn't do mental health (yay company insurance) but i will certainly look into it.

Chemical solution, should work but i would rather not be dependent on a drug to be capable. So maybe it's a temporary solution that should be coupled with therapy.

Cuckhold... to each there own, but not my cup of tea.

and Finally Ms Lus Lee, I would message you but you need to turn them on in your settings.

I would like to thank you all for replying that was a lot more of a response than I thought I would get

 

[Lonelygirlfun]

First time jitters

You might be able to find someone with the express purpose of popping your cherry…. If the focus is on you cumming or having an orgasm with another person, having someone who is willing to be patient and work through it with you may be the way to go. After the first experience, your anxiety is likely to lessen. You might find someone on lit who is willing to help you….. I wish you luck. Sex with someone else is a lot of fun. Be selfish and enjoy it and enjoy the pleasure you bring to the other.

 

[MrBlueEyes01]

That does sound ideal, unfortunately only real life encounters if had with women have been for the exclusive reason of sex. While i was up front about my issues with them, its never turned out well.

 

[YourgirlfriendLaura]

Join some meet ups and meet some girls. Become friends with them and spend some time together with out sex on the table. Sex with strangers makes me really really nervous! So, I feel *hook ups* are probably compounding your problems.
Also, clue them into your problem for support and comfort. Date! If you get to know a female first as a friend that is going to lower your anxiety at least.
Also, drinking helps, honestly.
No mental health services? You must live in the US, like me. There are sexual support groups for free, if you look around. Breathe easy....you will get there.
If you can not do it alone, treat yourself to a specialty psychiatrist, even once a month. This will get harder to solve as you age....

careQUOTE=MrBlueEyes01;94565149]That does sound ideal, unfortunately only real life encounters if had with women have been for the exclusive reason of sex. While i was up front about my issues with them, its never turned out well.[/QUOTE]

 

[ericalauren]

That sounds frustrating. I'm sorry you're going through this. I've never had sex, but that's not a problem for me because I'm asexual. Do you have anxiety over anything else? Or is it solely related to sex?