I need some advice!!!!

[Guest]

Hello, my name is Rekha and I am going through a lot of emotional distress and need some advice from mature hindus who can tell me how to handle my situation. First of all, I want to tell you that I am gujarati and grew up here in the states. I come from a small city with maybe a thousand Indians only. I grew up in a very strict gujarati home. My parents talked to us girls about our religion as well as our culture. I have been pounded into my head what Indian girls should do and what we should not do. I feel that my parents raised my sister and I in a very Indian home. So what I am about to tell you is not their fault for the decisions I made. I went to college and met a gentleman that was very good to me, he was smart and very caring and for that matter he still is a good man and treats us very well when he is home which is very rare. We have now been married for 10 years and have a 6-year-old son, my pride and joy. My husband and I have been in business for ourselves since the day we married, the business has been up and down due to various reasons. We accomplished a lot in the first 4 years we were married, together we set goals for ourselves and we have done more in our 33 years then many people are able to do in their entire life. None of that matters to me, all I can say is God blessed us in that way, but sent us in a different path in other ways. My husband was an occasional drinker when we met. When I got pregnant with our son he began drinking more to protect me from our business and for his escape from reality. I often ask myself how did I let this get so far? The answer? Well, if you were in my situation you wouldn’t have noticed either. He told me he was working every night. I knew he was a workaholic so I believed him. He would come home late and I would have fixed dinner and left it for him on the table since he would work such late hours. I woke up when I heard him come in at times. I soon started to catch on that something wasn’t right. He had always told me he would be home at a certain time and come home several hours later. At first I thought he was working, soon later I found out that he was drinking with the guys. I guess I was a bit naïve and I trusted people too much. Well, now I have begging this man for over 6 years to quit drinking and be a family to his son and wife. He says he will change and nothing ever does. I have raised my son alone. Of course my son loves his father, like any little boy would. I have tried absolutely everything I possibly can. I even left him in January of this year and just returned 3 weeks ago. He promised me he would change his ways, he promised me things would be different, he said he would do everything with our son and I, spend all of his time with us. Nothing has changed with him, he still comes home late. He has come home at 8 pm two times since our return and even those two times he was drunk. I started seeing a counselor, but they are no help due the different religions. They are telling me everything I already know. I need someone who knows our culture to help me with all of this guilt I am feeling. I don’t want to let my parents down. I am sure they were hurt when I made the decision to marry out of my religion. Although they supported any decision I made. I was the first in our community to marry out of our race, many followed soon afterwards. Now I am probably the only one to think about divorce. I am sick to my stomach to think about what my parents will have to go through in our society, even though they tell me they will support any decision I make, I know in my heart that it will make them sad and hurt our name. I know that I can’t worry about everyone else, but I was blessed with this caring personality from God. I still feel like an Indian wife who feels so much guilt that my husband will be alone in the world and he will have no one to take care of him. In my kundli it is written that I will care about everyone that is in my life or whomever enters it. I just wish I could think about my son and I only and go on. One more thing that will help with advice from any of you is that my husbands’ father and grandfather are closet alcoholics as well. I will not allow my son to follow in this genetic cycle. I have to raise him out of this environment. I have surfed the net for an online support group for single again hindus but no such luck. Can you help me find one or are any of you willing to starting one with me? Let me know here. Lets see if we can help each other. God bless you all and plz keep the advice coming. Thanks.

 

[Guest]

 

[Private Vasquez]

This here is a very odd little personality trait, dude.

 

[Guest]

 

[bluespoke]

Private Vasquez,

You need help. Seek appropraite medication.

Perhaps you could help her CV.

 

[Private Vasquez]

I suppose I do. Maybe I should post a long story about it unregistered, and then reply to it with this registered name. That will help as good as any medicine, I know it.

 

[Saint Peter]

Let me save you some time PV. Just respond to this one.



http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=108128

 

[Guest]

Rekha,

I am Indian raised in the United States, I have two brothers who are drug addicts. Their habits began when I was only 6 or 7 years old. When I read your post it brought tears to my eyes, I am now 23 years old and have been dealing with their addictions for nearly 17 years. For a long time my parents tried to hide these problems from me, out of sight out of mind. However that was not that case I knew what was going on to an extent and since my parents tried to avoid talking about the isuues, I began to read up on my own, once I learned to read, and discovered that an addiction of this type could kill someone at any time, I became obsessed with learning about the topic and the more I learned the more depressed I became. I never talked to my parents because I felt if I did it would only cause them more distress, and I couldn’t talk to anyone outside the family because it would have brought shame and embarrassment to the family. So I dealt with it, I dealt with being woken up and hit as they searched for money to support their habits, I dealt with constant fighting between my brothers and parents, and more. As I grew up I tried everything I knew, I begged and pleaded with them, but they only took advantage of who I was, and they still do. I only hear from my brothers when they need something, although I know deep down they are good people and love and care about me, they have destroyed me emotionally. I still don’t deal well with any of this, and can’t bring myself to talk about it with anyone. I spent my entire life trying to please my family especially my parents because I didn’t want to bring anymore distress to their lives, but in the process of trying to please everyone around me including those who have hurt me most in life, I lost myself and I lost my happiness and I am not sure I can ever get it back. At six years old your son understands there are problems, your number one concern should be to make sure you know how he feels and help him first and foremost. Then take of yourself. Indian girls are taught commitment, and are taught to always love those around you unconditionally, this is what makes Indian girls so warm and loving, it can also destroy you, if you don’t when to stop worrying about those around you and start taking care of yourself. We want to be good Indians and make our parents proud, but you are gambling with your life and your son’s life. You do not have to leave your husband so he is alone, you can leave him and keep contact, even help him to an extent if it helps you deal, but you do need to get your son out of the situation. It is difficult I know, I tell myself everyday that I will not let my brothers control my emotions anymore, but I fail every day because I imagine them alone if I don’t help them. For the sake of your son don’t be as weak as I am, ensure him and yourself a happy life.

Good Luck

 

[Guest]