I need my back scratched

[Firebuggie]

Heya~

The reason I say I need my back scratched is because I wanna know what you think about my first story submission to Literotica.

Here's a link to the story:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=49710

Please send me your feedback and vote for my story. So, maybe if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.

Thanks so much for your time.

 

[secretdesire]

I didn't vote for your story because it's not the type of story I would normally read. I just don't like the first person, present tense stories, where the reader is designated as one of the characters. So it was too difficult for me to try and give it a fair rating, even having read it all the way through.

That said, it was certainly well written for what it was and your description of the sex flowed very nicely. But, as I voted in your poll above, it didn't do anything for me personally (just because of the type of story it was). From the writing standpoint, though, my main criticism would be a lack of characterization. We have no idea who these people are, other than lovers strolling through the woods. While I'm not one to go for lengthy stories, I do like some story so I can at least feel some level of involvement with the characters.

As I said, I'm not the best person for critiquing your story since it's not the type I'd normally enjoy reading. So just keep that in mind when you weigh my comments.

One last note... I noticed you placed it in the romance category, but I thought it was more of an erotic coupling because of the graphic description of the sex act.

 

[NoJo]

Nature's Call: A Fantasy

It's only two weeks since I've used this site, and I've not come across Polling . Nifty feature! I have, though, already cum across quite a few stories of the type you've written.
Let me start out by saying that I'm shit-faced drunk after a nine-hole pub-crawl with a bunch of kilted scotsman, and can't go to bed cause my wonderful wife would be woken by the farts, and anyway it's so fucking light at 5 am here. So I might sound a little belligerent:
Your story is a description of a 2-orgasm fuck. ( I'm assming the OOOOOOOOOO is an orgasm and so is the last MMMMMMMMMM). This story didn't make me think that Mizz "I" was really in love with Mr "you". She wanted, and got, a nice fuck. You use the word "hard" all over the place. MS "I" obviously likes her sex, and her men, hard.
Now I may be unfair, maybe you wrote it based on an experience with a loved one -- but the story did not get any emotion across.
You only allow pollsters a single dimension -- basically you want to know if it should have more hard cock pussy wet slide cum slam wham, or less.
Well, I for one would at least like to know what Mizz "I" and Mr "you" were wearing, what he looked like (when dressed), etc so I could really build up a picture before my wank (no chance of that now, I hear my kids getting up). I am curious to know one thing -- and this may be prying, so no need to reply if you don't want -- but are you Male or Female? There was a lot of "male energy" in your story. Hope that doesn't sound too sexist, but your description was similar to how I (male, bisexual) would write it.

 

[Firebuggie]

RE's to secretdesire and SubJoe

Thank you both for your insight. I do see where my 'just get it on' story can be less tasteful for the literary types. I appreciate your candor. I am new to this side of literature so I'm hoping to grow and learn as I go. Additionally, I am new to Literotica itself. Maybe I'll learn how to use this site in a professional manner as time goes by.

Again, thank you both.

PS - I'm female, just to clarify.

 

[NoJo]

Firebuggy

Ms FireBuggy, I do apologise for what, on re-reading was a rude and alcohol-induced response on my part. In spite of England only drwaing to Sweden in the world cup today, I'm now mollified, and wanted to say I feel that the descriptive side of your writing is really good, and more importantly, hot!

If you embedded this stuff in a context of a relationship in a future story, that would make it a really great read -- for me, at least. I don't want to give the impression of snobbery. I made the point in another post that stories describing a sexual encounter well, as you have done, takes a skill that not many people have.

Passionate sexual encounters occur for a lot of reasons -- I wanted to know what lay behind your story: Were they illicit lovers, a fighting couple reconciling? Why did they go to the woods? For a romantic setting? (My experiences of attempts at sex in the woods mainly involve the distraction of ants, nettles and bird-watchers.. beaches are the same, but with the added discomfort of sand). Or were they seeking a tryst? Indicating these things, I think, would add to the spice and sexiness of the encounter when the reader reaches that point in the story.

Joe.

 

[jon.hayworth]

Whats the soccer score got to do with it. I went into a bookies on Friday to bet on England being knocked out in the first round and (despite the bookies being festooned in red and white flags) the odds being offered were odds-on.

I didn't bother to place the bet. My prediction Argentina 2 England 1.

jon