I need help...

[southerngal22]

I've never made myself orgasm and my boyfriend wants to but i think my body is scared to let it go all the way and i know it can be frustrating, any help...

 

[BBW_Goddess_Anna]

My first orgasm from vaginal intercourse and no clitoral stimulation was a long time ago! The key is you have to relax your body and your mind. I don't recommend you get drunk, but sometimes a little sip or two of wine helps. You have to be comfortable with yourself and sometimes with your partner just to be able to relax enough to give in to orgasm. Sometimes if you put too much stress or pressure on it, it will prevent it all together.
BREATHE! RELAX! Good luck hon!

 

[satindesire]

Trying to get someone else to bring you to orgasm when you've never done it masturbating before is like someone that doesn't speak English trying to teach you grammar.

It just isn't going to work.

So, you're going to need to masturbate. A lot. You're going to have to learn how to be comfortable with your sexuality and your genitals. You're going to have to learn how to be comfortable touching yourself in a sexual way. And then once you can bring yourself to orgasm, you can teach your boyfriend.

You need to familiarize yourself with your genitals and come to think of them as something that is part of you, like your eyes or your hair, not a dirty, or mysterious or ugly thing.

Take a small hand mirror and look down at yourself. Your vulva is comprised of several things, the Labia Majora, or "outer lips" is the outside fleshy 'pads' of flesh that most women grow pubic hair on. The Clitoris, or "clit" is analogous to the penis in terms of sexual sensitivity, at the top of the inner fold of the labia, it is a small bud of tissue and nerves that most women need stimulated in order to reach orgasm. The Labia Minora, or "Inner lips" are two thin "flaps" of flesh that protect the outside entrance of the vagina, keeping it clean and moist. If you take your fingers and open these "flaps", you will see two entrances, a very small one just under your clitoris. That is your "Urethra" or "pee hole", where urine comes out. The larger hole is your vagina, where tampons, penises, fingers, sex toys, etc...goes in.

Your vulva isn't something you should be ashamed of or think of as something you shouldn't touch. It's not DIRTY, or disgusting. It's just a vulva, as clean and normal as your elbow, or your stomach or your earlobe.

Most women find that they reach orgasm the easiest and most frequently with CLITORAL stimulation, whether by sex toy, fingers, tongue, some other object. When most women masturbate, they either use their moistened fingers (moist fingers, lubricated with something like KY) to rub, tab, circle or gently pinch their clitorises. With practice, you'll find the motions that you like the best and bring you to orgasm the fastest.

Orgasm is very different in women than it is for men. Orgasm is directly tied to our emotions and our state of comfort, so if you're stressed, nervous, scared, upset, hungry, hot, cold, have to go pee, whatever...you'll have a much harder time reaching orgasm. A woman needs to be happy, secure and bodily comfortable in order to reach orgasm (most of the time). Some men also have difficulty reaching orgasm when they're uncomfortable in some way, but it's much more common in women.

Also, orgasm in men can be reached as quickly as a few seconds with direct penile stimulation, but women typically take TEN TIMES LONGER to reach orgasm. So, you need to be patient with yourself. Young women who cannot masturbate for just a minute or two and expect orgasm. Some women can take up to forty five minutes of stimulation to reach orgasm, but you will notice that as you get older and more comfortable with your sexuality and orgasms, they will come faster and more frequently.

When I started having orgasms, I was 20 years old and it would take FOREVER, if they came at all! Now, at 25, I can reach orgasm as quickly as 45 seconds with proper stimulation, which is nice when you're really not in the mood for a lengthy session of sex or masturbation.

The key is self-comfort, patience and persistence.

If you have questions regarding anything I have or haven't covered here in this post, please let me know.

 

[Gaslamp_Society]

I also know of women who are afraid to "let loose" when it comes to orgasm...especially if they never had one before and hate the feeling of losing control of oneself...but i think a majority of that can be addressed by what satindesire and BBW said above.

 

[infinity706]

Trying to get someone else to bring you to orgasm when you've never done it masturbating before is like someone that doesn't speak English trying to teach you grammar.

It just isn't going to work.

So, you're going to need to masturbate. A lot. You're going to have to learn how to be comfortable with your sexuality and your genitals. You're going to have to learn how to be comfortable touching yourself in a sexual way. And then once you can bring yourself to orgasm, you can teach your boyfriend.

You need to familiarize yourself with your genitals and come to think of them as something that is part of you, like your eyes or your hair, not a dirty, or mysterious or ugly thing.

Take a small hand mirror and look down at yourself. Your vulva is comprised of several things, the Labia Majora, or "outer lips" is the outside fleshy 'pads' of flesh that most women grow pubic hair on. The Clitoris, or "clit" is analogous to the penis in terms of sexual sensitivity, at the top of the inner fold of the labia, it is a small bud of tissue and nerves that most women need stimulated in order to reach orgasm. The Labia Minora, or "Inner lips" are two thin "flaps" of flesh that protect the outside entrance of the vagina, keeping it clean and moist. If you take your fingers and open these "flaps", you will see two entrances, a very small one just under your clitoris. That is your "Urethra" or "pee hole", where urine comes out. The larger hole is your vagina, where tampons, penises, fingers, sex toys, etc...goes in.

Your vulva isn't something you should be ashamed of or think of as something you shouldn't touch. It's not DIRTY, or disgusting. It's just a vulva, as clean and normal as your elbow, or your stomach or your earlobe.

Most women find that they reach orgasm the easiest and most frequently with CLITORAL stimulation, whether by sex toy, fingers, tongue, some other object. When most women masturbate, they either use their moistened fingers (moist fingers, lubricated with something like KY) to rub, tab, circle or gently pinch their clitorises. With practice, you'll find the motions that you like the best and bring you to orgasm the fastest.

Orgasm is very different in women than it is for men. Orgasm is directly tied to our emotions and our state of comfort, so if you're stressed, nervous, scared, upset, hungry, hot, cold, have to go pee, whatever...you'll have a much harder time reaching orgasm. A woman needs to be happy, secure and bodily comfortable in order to reach orgasm (most of the time). Some men also have difficulty reaching orgasm when they're uncomfortable in some way, but it's much more common in women.

Also, orgasm in men can be reached as quickly as a few seconds with direct penile stimulation, but women typically take TEN TIMES LONGER to reach orgasm. So, you need to be patient with yourself. Young women who cannot masturbate for just a minute or two and expect orgasm. Some women can take up to forty five minutes of stimulation to reach orgasm, but you will notice that as you get older and more comfortable with your sexuality and orgasms, they will come faster and more frequently.

When I started having orgasms, I was 20 years old and it would take FOREVER, if they came at all! Now, at 25, I can reach orgasm as quickly as 45 seconds with proper stimulation, which is nice when you're really not in the mood for a lengthy session of sex or masturbation.

The key is self-comfort, patience and persistence.

If you have questions regarding anything I have or haven't covered here in this post, please let me know.

That's extremely well said except for ovestating the ease guys supposedly have. It took a while for me to learn what I liked, as well and all of those orgasm killing factors are equally important in men. There also isn't any significant difference in the speed of orgasms for men and women that know what they're doing, are highly aroused, focused, and enjoying their genitals' preferred stimulation. Now, if you're talking typical men and women engaged in penis in vagina intercourse under typical conditions, the ten times longer is pretty accurate. Of course, you also have to consider things like pregnancy risk, the fact that the vagina itself isn't actually a sexual organ, the fact that men who have sex are generally looked upon more favorably...

Oh, and orgasming in 45 seconds or the lack of erection that follows wouldn't be something most guys would brag about. (just trying to play fair here)

Basically, the point is, everyone knows guys play with themselves. Just remember that it's just as normal and natural for a woman to do the same.

 

[Noira]

It's not your body that's afraid to let loose, it's your mind. Believe me, it's all in your mind.

Anyway, exactly what was said. Learn to masturbate. Hop into the bathtub or somewhere private and comfortable (I admit a certain preference for the shower since it comes with a built in sex toy... ahh, the shower head... but it's also nice because it's "clean"... no clean up to do!) and get to know what you like yourself. Then teach him to do that.

 

[satindesire]

Oh, and orgasming in 45 seconds or the lack of erection that follows wouldn't be something most guys would brag about. (just trying to play fair here)

Basically, the point is, everyone knows guys play with themselves. Just remember that it's just as normal and natural for a woman to do the same.

Just a quick question, fin...have you EVER quoted something of mine and NOT been argumentative and judgmental?

 

[infinity706]

I know you're a bit of a perfectionist, but a little constructive criticism isn't a bad thing. I'm sure you probably just read right over the part where I mentioned that I agreed with nearly everything you said in your mini essay. The fact that I quote a lot of your posts just might mean that I feel they're worth reading. It's not like I read every post in every thread...

 

[satindesire]

I know you're a bit of a perfectionist, but a little constructive criticism isn't a bad thing. I'm sure you probably just read right over the part where I mentioned that I agreed with nearly everything you said in your mini essay. The fact that I quote a lot of your posts just might mean that I feel they're worth reading. It's not like I read every post in every thread...

The purpose of constructive criticism is to help someone by fixing their mistakes. Telling me that I "shouldn't brag" about being able to reach orgasm in less than a minute isn't something I'd call constructive. The fact that when I'm masturbating, I don't have to take 10 minutes to get off is a GOOD thing. I have a lot of responsibilities to take care of on a daily basis and I'm lucky to have the time to do something for myself like that.

Also, I made it quite clear that men can have a hard time reaching orgasm, just like women.

Another thing, there IS a significant difference in speed of orgasms to women who have never had them before and I was talking specifically about masturbation in this regard. Orgasm is a process, one that needs to happen over time. A woman's body literally builds nerve signal pathways that allowed for easier orgasms each time she does have an orgasm. Young women who don't have regular orgasms are notorious for being difficult to bring to orgasm once they start masturbating, because they simply don't have the experience and knowledge and self-comfort, nor have their bodies and brains becomes "used to" orgasm. Obviously the only person that can get us off perfectly is ourselves, because we know the kind of stimulation we want and don't have to communicate it to someone else, who may interpret it incorrectly, but women's brains literally have to "SHUT OFF" to actually orgasm, which is very different from a man.

 

[infinity706]

Oh, I agree with all of that. The only thing I objected to was the "guys have it easy" slant that you seemed to have in that one little section. Afterall, guys that last 45 seconds get bashed for being premature ejaculators. (a diagnosable "medical condition" just like anorgasmia or erectile dysfunction) Yes, it's a rediculous term based on the idea of penis in vagina intercourse as the standard and proper form of sex, but it's still worth bringing up. I actually think it's great to be able to orgasm in 45 seconds, though.

 

[satindesire]

Oh, I agree with all of that. The only thing I objected to was the "guys have it easy" slant that you seemed to have in that one little section. Afterall, guys that last 45 seconds get bashed for being premature ejaculators. (a diagnosable "medical condition" just like anorgasmia or erectile dysfunction) Yes, it's a rediculous term based on the idea of penis in vagina intercourse as the standard and proper form of sex, but it's still worth bringing up. I actually think it's great to be able to orgasm in 45 seconds, though.

When you want to orgasm that fast, that's great. When you have no choice but to orgasm that fast because you have no self-awareness, that's bad. I CAN hold off longer when I want to, but when masturbating, speed is good.

Premature ejaculation is dependent entirely on the length of time the partner wants the sex to last. Some women might consider a man a premature ejaculatory if he only lasted 10 minutes.

So really, the term is TOTALLY subjective. I see your point though.

 

[infinity706]

Premature ejaculation is still a stupid term. Yes, timing orgasms to have the sex length you want is a great skill, but it's not really that bad if you haven't learned it yet. Honestly, if a woman got all worked up and had some massive, squirting orgasm in 2 minutes that wore her out, it's pretty unlikely there would be any complaints. It's not like sex has to end when the guy gets off, despite the typical results. If he lasts 30 seconds, so be it as long as he provides the owner of said vagina plenty of other pleasure.

I haven't personally had any women complain if I lasted 1 minute or never even managed to get off that time, though, so I guess the womans's satisfaction is the real issue, not how long the guy stays hard. Of course, the only pussy I ever stuck my dick in belonged to a F to M transexual that offered me the opportunity after I gave him 6 orgasms. (yes, I used a condom)

 

[satindesire]

Premature ejaculation is still a stupid term. Yes, timing orgasms to have the sex length you want is a great skill, but it's not really that bad if you haven't learned it yet. Honestly, if a woman got all worked up and had some massive, squirting orgasm in 2 minutes that wore her out, it's pretty unlikely there would be any complaints. It's not like sex has to end when the guy gets off, despite the typical results. If he lasts 30 seconds, so be it as long as he provides the owner of said vagina plenty of other pleasure.

I haven't personally had any women complain if I lasted 1 minute or never even managed to get off that time, though, so I guess the womans's satisfaction is the real issue, not how long the guy stays hard. Of course, the only pussy I ever stuck my dick in belonged to a F to M transexual that offered me the opportunity after I gave him 6 orgasms. (yes, I used a condom)

Most people do think that sex ends when the man ejaculates. Unfortunately, that's massively common.

I personally think that as long as I get to reach orgasm first, I don't really care how long the guy lasts as long as it's not so long that I get sore. I don't mind doing other things to help the man reach orgasm if he wants to, if it's taking some time and my vagina's getting a little irritated. But I think I'm kind of different than some girls when it comes to things like that.

 

[infinity706]

That doesn't sound any different than most women I know, so I'd have to say you're pretty normal.