I need help changing charactor veiws...any sugestions

[Valcorie]

I screamed as the force of the blow seared across my cheek. “Where are the documents,” he yelled. “ For the last time tell me where your father hid them!” “ I won’t betray my family or the King.” I murmured in reply. This had been going on for almost a day now. I was taken from our summer villa in Barbados two days ago. At first the captain of the Darthian had been charming and tried to encourage the information from me. After that didn’t get anywhere he locked me is a dark damp closet. I could smell the vile filth of the ship, but couldn’t retch because I didn’t even have enough space to double over. Shortly after dawn, he released me from the darkness and interrogated me until I hardly knew my name.

My face throbbed from the numerous blows I received through out interrogation. “ If you don’t tell me where to find the papers I will have to become more forceful” I groaned. We were interrupted by a sharp rap at our door.

“Captain a ship is approaching at full sail” The first mate bellowed through the door. The captain quickly opened the door, ‘Does it look like one of the King’s ships? What flag is it flying?’ “ It looks like a ship loyal to the king, it is flying his flag but it is not of the royal fleet.” The captian spun on his heels and grabbed me by the elbow, and proceeded to haul me up to the deck. My legs threatened to buckle under me, shear feel propelled me forward.

“Captian she is coming abreast!” the first mate shouted. “Prepare the guns…..I will signal them from the bow”. He continued to push me forward toward the front of the ship. When we reached the front, I was blinded by the sun. I was roughly tossed aside and blackness filled my vision.


***NEXT the 'hero' comes in he is on the opposite ship and sees her. He is planning on plundering the ship. However, the lady catches his eye, and he can't just leave her there.... ****

 

[batchman]

Instead of going back and forth between first and third person, why not just have the heroine simply tell the story "after the fact", kind of like in those film noir detective movies?

"He was preparing to set sail when he saw me out of the corner of his eye. The sight of me sitting limply, my disheveled dress hanging off one shoulder, had intrigued him. Who was I, this fair maiden set among a nest of thieves? He knew he must rescue me from this fate and make me his own."

Something like that.

 

[Valcorie]

Good idea...

Good idea. What are your thoughts on two first person point of veiws? The hero and heroin interchange between what theyar seeing and doing? Is that too confusing? I was having a hard time accomplishing it.

My problem is I have so many great plot ideas, but my writing style just doesn't lend itself to fiction.

-thank you

 

[gauchecritic]

Re: Good idea...

Good idea. What are your thoughts on two first person point of veiws? The hero and heroin interchange between what theyar seeing and doing? Is that too confusing? I was having a hard time accomplishing it.

My problem is I have so many great plot ideas, but my writing style just doesn't lend itself to fiction.

-thank you

The easiest, and least troublesome, method of relating what everyone in the story is feeling is to tell it in the third person (omniscient)

You CAN interchange the POV but like you say it gets confusing. You often have to repeat parts of the story from different views, makes the story twice as long as needs be.

There are lots of "How to.." essays, faqs and so on on this site to tell you almost all you need to know, have a look round and seek out some of the stories already posted to give you some insight.

Gauche

 

[batchman]

I have to agree with gauchecritic. If it isn't really workable to tell the story from one characters viewpoint then you need to broaden your scope and change it to third person.

Just curious, but how does your writing style not lend itself to fiction? Fiction is simply relating events that never really happened, kind of like lying but with a higher purpose.

What you posted was very good. It was very easy for me to pick up where you left off. So you can write fiction. Tell yourself the story first and write it down later if that helps.