I like spanking - but why?

[kiwichyck]

Hello all

I've been lurking around here for quite some time and during my reading I've been able to face up a lot of things that scared the hell out of me.

As the title says, I like being spanked. We started with the hand, and have since experimented with a range of household items. My favourites are simple school rulers. We have a plastic and a wooden one.

Now my DH struggles with this. He feels like he needs to know the WHY. I'm confused and uncertain about this. I do like the pain (well, the sting) and the spanking is all the sweeter if he has to hold me down to deliver it. I thought it was totally a sexual thing, the sweet contrast between stinging blow against a hot tongue on my clit. Now I discover that even without the sexual contact, the spanking itself will make me dripping wet and super aroused, but I don't feel any of the recognizable sensations of arousal until the spanking stops and I am touched elsewhere.

Mainly though, I just enjoy being spanked because it makes me feel like a dirty brazen naughty hussy and nobody knows but us!

So tell me dear fellow lit'ers. Why do you enjoy being spanked?

And on another note. We are considering moving right along to floggers. I still find the idea kind of intimidating, although a couple of quick swats with a bunch of fishing nylon gave an interesting, not unpleasant feeling

Thoughts?

 

[Shankara20]

Hello all

I've been lurking around here for quite some time and during my reading I've been able to face up a lot of things that scared the hell out of me.

As the title says, I like being spanked. We started with the hand, and have since experimented with a range of household items. My favourites are simple school rulers. We have a plastic and a wooden one.

Now my DH struggles with this. He feels like he needs to know the WHY. I'm confused and uncertain about this. I do like the pain (well, the sting) and the spanking is all the sweeter if he has to hold me down to deliver it. I thought it was totally a sexual thing, the sweet contrast between stinging blow against a hot tongue on my clit. Now I discover that even without the sexual contact, the spanking itself will make me dripping wet and super aroused, but I don't feel any of the recognizable sensations of arousal until the spanking stops and I am touched elsewhere.

Mainly though, I just enjoy being spanked because it makes me feel like a dirty brazen naughty hussy and nobody knows but us!

So tell me dear fellow lit'ers. Why do you enjoy being spanked?

And on another note. We are considering moving right along to floggers. I still find the idea kind of intimidating, although a couple of quick swats with a bunch of fishing nylon gave an interesting, not unpleasant feeling

Thoughts?

why ask why?




sorry - I just could not let it pass.



when done correctly - with the power of the impact increasing as my endorphins kick-in I just love the increase in the sensation, the feeling of power as the pain increases, the feeling of love from the hand impacting my naked ass, and the sound of skin on skin.


glad to see you posting, this is a good question - have fun

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Mini Hijack and welcome kiwichyck

I am one of those dreadful people here that does not 'share' most of my private pursuits , apparently a bit odd for a 'porn board' but thats the way I was 'trained'. You won't suffer for the fact , there are many very articulate people here who do.

However I will say this ' love your footrot flats AV it rocks!!!"

Best of luck..........

@}-}rebecca----

 

[kiwichyck]

why ask why?




sorry - I just could not let it pass.



when done correctly - with the power of the impact increasing as my endorphins kick-in I just love the increase in the sensation, the feeling of power as the pain increases, the feeling of love from the hand impacting my naked ass, and the sound of skin on skin.


glad to see you posting, this is a good question - have fun

Why ask why?
Firstly because I want to know. This is all pretty new to me and it seems less scary to be able to identify the why's and wherefores.
Secondly my DH is having a few issues with my recent 180 degree turn in many things. For example, I hated anal for years and years, went back to it recently and love it. He finds things like this difficult to process because it's almost like I've become the complete opposite with my likes and dislikes. He feels better if we can come up with a framework to operate within.

So for the spanking, he aims to please me but what is his motivation? Is it because I want the pain or is it because I want the sexual aspect? I'm finding that hard to answer. Hearing other peoples thoughts helps me to process my own.

However I will say this ' love your footrot flats AV it rocks!!!"

Thanks!

 

[leeroy jenkins]

Why ask why?
Firstly because I want to know. This is all pretty new to me and it seems less scary to be able to identify the why's and wherefores.
Secondly my DH is having a few issues with my recent 180 degree turn in many things. For example, I hated anal for years and years, went back to it recently and love it. He finds things like this difficult to process because it's almost like I've become the complete opposite with my likes and dislikes. He feels better if we can come up with a framework to operate within.

So for the spanking, he aims to please me but what is his motivation? Is it because I want the pain or is it because I want the sexual aspect? I'm finding that hard to answer. Hearing other peoples thoughts helps me to process my own.



Thanks!

I think you answered you own question as to why at least in some respects. You found out that you like bdsm or other kinky things that before you didn't know or try so when you tried it out you found out you liked it. Knowing why you do somethings and not others is good, just do not try and over analyze your motives and deprive yourself of its pleasures. The anal thing your tastes do change over time so maybe your sexual tastes have matured??

 

[Hisbabydoll26]

Not the same boat but maybe the same harbor

I'm with you on the spanking. I LOVE IT. Who knew? *giggling* Actually I think the idea of it..just one lil swat was okay with my hubby..then I wanted more..and harder..and he complies because first I liked it..then because he realized it left me soaking. What man doesn't like that? However......in a simliar way I know he doesn't, not sure I do for that matter understand the why...why does it get me aroused..is it the position...ass up...is it that I'm bent over presenting for him..is it his actual hand (we haven't and I doubt we will graduate to using objects for this purpose) is it the sting..the simple quick pain then loving caress to soothe, the feeling of being "punished" and letting my day and guilt disolve with that release, my giving up of control. I wish I knew...just wanted to say we are similar in some things.

I have been branching out in what I'm curious about and we have grown because I have been lurking here and feel overall more comfortable with things. I think that comes from feeling like I'm not the only person to want, crave, need certain things. In the end while it's tempting to ask WHY.....if you are both happy...content..being safe....and you aren't "forcing" him to do things...it doesn't really matter.

I repeatedly check in to make sure with him..it's okay. He had a hard time at first because to even raise his hand to me in a playful manner...even just kidding without following through was against his upbrining....a quote from him...but now....with reassurance...moaning and wet areas...I've convinced him that this one thing...for us is okay. Again I check in though..to make sure he still feels this is so. My pleasure...would never be worth his pain or disappointment of self.

I'm sure you could look online for more information regarding the Why of what spanking is...but really it's like anything else......it's different for each person..and really you would know better than anyone here.

 

[kiwichyck]

Yup it really is a bit of a giggle.

Just something about the mix of playfulness and force that really does something!

Please continue with all your thoughts.

 

[Hisbabydoll26]

http://www.takeninhand.com/search

Not sure if this will work but I like this site (someone here mentioned it more than once) and they discuss if you scroll down...in many articles the reasoning for some behind spanking.

OKay..second thought..type in spanking...then scroll past the names to find the articles...

 

[kiwichyck]

http://www.takeninhand.com/search

Not sure if this will work but I like this site (someone here mentioned it more than once) and they discuss if you scroll down...in many articles the reasoning for some behind spanking.

OKay..second thought..type in spanking...then scroll past the names to find the articles...

Thanks! That should keep me going for a while.

 

[Mr. Mann]

This is more for your DH who wants some framework, which I can understand.

You're "discovering" new "kinks" could be a sign of deeper trust in your relationship. Many men and women don't experience the extremely deep trust and commitment that would be needed for them to realize and explore some of the more extreme aspects of their sexuality until their long-term relationship as grown and matured over time. A deep trusiting relationship is a solid foundation in which your sexuality can grow.

AS far as spanking goes... I think part of it is purely involuntary physical reaction as it is some contact right there at the naughty bits. Even completely non-pleasureable punishment spankings will get a girl soaking, sopping, gushing wet.

As for erotic spankings.. it is partly the above... and largely the dynamic of female submission and male dominance. I think that those are the fundamental issues that get tapped into during spank play.

HTH

 

[kiwichyck]

Thankyou MM that all rings very true for me.

I do think that for me it is largely about being dominated by a strong man, but due to the past dynamics in our relationship it was very hard for me to admit it. We've both grown a lot over the years and maybe its just as simple as me really being able to have that level of trust in him to 'allow' it.

Now does anyone have any thoughts about consensual rape?
We've talked about it a bit lately but he is seriously uncomfortable about it. He understands where I'm coming from, but I think the word 'rape' is just freaking him out totally.

 

[FurryFury]

Try adding the word play to this, as in consensual rape play. That should help ease things a bit for him. Then define for him what you mean by this. Do you want to really fight each other? Do you want to say "no" and scream and cry? Do you want him to force your legs apart and tell you what he is going to do to you whether you like it or not? Or do you have other key elements in mind?

You see what he is thinking you want and what you actually want can be such different things.

Fury

 

[Mr. Mann]

Now does anyone have any thoughts about consensual rape?

Oh yes. Yessssss. [insert evil smile] If only the little kiddies went to sleep sooner to allow us to have more fun in this particular fashion.

This can be VERY difficult for a guy to get his head around. This is a good thing. It is an indicator that he is basically a good and decent person who is capable of feeling empathy and love for others.... instead of actually being an sick evil bastard.

Go slow. Give him time. It may take awhile, as well as some trial and error before he "gets it".

Give him time and space. Use a safeword. Talk about limits in very specific terms. Both of you need to be on the same page with what the safeword is, and what it means. For you it is a safeword... but it will be VERY important to him that he must KNOW that YOU WILL USE IT if you need to. You both need to be on the same page with what the limits are.

The first few times will likely feel awkward as you are both stepping outside your usual role expectations.

It is also likely that he won't "get rough enough" the first few times. Be gentle. If things don't go well, he may get discouraged. Praise for good effort and what went well should come before very constructive critique. However... you MUST communicate profusely.

Keep working at it. It can be hard to "willingly suspend disbelief". Take it a little bit at a time. Gong too fast would be worse than any frustration in taking it slow. Find a way that works best for you. Remember the long term goal and try not to focus on short term results.

You seem very self-aware and articulate kiwichyk. That will help a great deal.

You might want to try a search here on the forum when you get the time. I believe there are some other threads around here somewhere on this topic.

 

[amutantman]

as the other half in this marriage, i thought it was time i logged in under my name and said my piece.

i agree with all of you in the things that you have said.however to explain a little further our situation, we need to go back in time. bear with me please.

many years ago, our relationship ended up getting voilently physical on both sides. after lots of anger management and soul searching(just growing up i suppose) we vowed and declared that we wouldnt do those things to eachother again.

now i know that the situation now is different in the fact that there is no anger involved but its still extremely hard to get my head around.

the spanking isnt so hard to understand. its more of a case of what does she want out of this. in all that i do there usually has tobe a goal(for want of a better word) at the end that is being met. this is why i want to know why she wants spanking.what need is this forefilling?

as for the consenual rape play, thats just to hard to understand for me. just the word "rape" and all that it involves just turns me off and running in the other direction. no matter how i think of it i just cant get my head around it.

 

[Mr. Mann]

as the other half in this marriage, i thought it was time i logged in under my name and said my piece.

i agree with all of you in the things that you have said.however to explain a little further our situation, we need to go back in time. bear with me please.

many years ago, our relationship ended up getting voilently physical on both sides. after lots of anger management and soul searching(just growing up i suppose) we vowed and declared that we wouldnt do those things to eachother again.

now i know that the situation now is different in the fact that there is no anger involved but its still extremely hard to get my head around.

the spanking isnt so hard to understand. its more of a case of what does she want out of this. in all that i do there usually has tobe a goal(for want of a better word) at the end that is being met. this is why i want to know why she wants spanking.what need is this forefilling?

as for the consenual rape play, thats just to hard to understand for me. just the word "rape" and all that it involves just turns me off and running in the other direction. no matter how i think of it i just cant get my head around it.

Spanking goals. What need is it fulfilling? - I'll do the best I can with this, but your wife should correct me if I am wrong. Everyone is different and whie I can try to shed some light on it from my perspective, I cannot speak for her.

She wants to feel your dominance and masculine authority. Even though it is humiliating and painful in a way... it also communicates your love and desire for her. She is able to see the effect that she has on you. A proper spanking, and maybe a good scolding or time in the corner, will bring her to tears. Not tears of discomfort or pain. Women can tolerate a heck of alot of pain. No... it is a good emotional cry. It is a release. A catharsis. It is an erotic thing, somtimes, but it isn't *just* an erotic thing. It goes against the grain to "hurt" the woman you love, and to keep spanking her until she sobs and cries. This *does* require a great deal od discipline on your part.

To avoid losing control, or even approaching losing control, then wait until you aren't angry anymore. This would apply more to spanking that extends outside of "sex play".

You are both very correct in being extra cautious if either of you have had issues with inapprpriate physical violence or anger management in the past. However, I beleive that if you take things slowly, communicate profusely, do your research, and give each other enough room to make mistakes... this process could also provide some valuable insight for you both.

The "rape" thing can be awfully difficult to understand. You may not want to tacle both that and the spanking thing at the same time. Maybe you could put the "rape thing" on the side for now... sort of table the motion to be brought back up for discussion and a vote later. Remember, there is no time pressure on any of this stuff. Work slowly.

It is great that you are both trying to be everything that the other wants and needs and that you both feel comfortable enough with each other to branch out into new things together.

It is a difficult process to get into some of this stuff. There will be roadblocks. It won't always be perfect. It isn't picture perfect in real life. There will be challenges just like with any other thing that is part of being a human. So... expect some challenges and frustrations.... but keep talking and trying... be willing to back off and take a break when you need to...and try to take things one thing at a time.

that's my best advice... take what you like and works for you and leave the rest.

 

[Mr. Mann]

I also invite any of the other "spankos" on the forum to post their thoughts on their perspective re: what needs are being fulfilled, the final result, etc.

I know that I would find that interesting.

 

[FurryFury]

To me a good spanking makes me feel better when I'm down, sexy when I'm tired, hot when I've been cold and so on. I LOVE spankings, both giving and receiving but a year ago I was afraid of what I'd do if anyone tried to give me one.

Fury

 

[kiwichyck]

She wants to feel your dominance and masculine authority. Even though it is humiliating and painful in a way... it also communicates your love and desire for her. She is able to see the effect that she has on you. A proper spanking, and maybe a good scolding or time in the corner, will bring her to tears. Not tears of discomfort or pain. Women can tolerate a heck of alot of pain. No... it is a good emotional cry. It is a release. A catharsis. It is an erotic thing, somtimes, but it isn't *just* an erotic thing. It goes against the grain to "hurt" the woman you love, and to keep spanking her until she sobs and cries. This *does* require a great deal od discipline on your part.

Yup I agree with most of that. I haven't cried from a spanking although it does bring tears to the eyes! I generally giggle instead. The first decent spanking I received left me giggling uncontrollably for quite some time. On reflection, I don't really ever remember pain having the effect of reducing me to tears, at least not in adulthood, with the exception of childbirth lol.

The scolding and time in the corner has no appeal to me whatsoever. I see that making me rebellious and angry.

It seems DH doesn't really have too much of a problem with the spanking itself, it becomes difficult for him once he sees the results of his handiwork. Because my arse looks so painful, it gives him pause.

Punishment spanking is a grey area. I'm not sure if I would cope with that in a "for real" situation. I far prefer the game of "You've been naughty so I'll give you a good spanking." Also today I have a bruised sore behind from last night, but we didn't have sex. Honestly I find that quite irritating.

 

[WriterDom]

How can you look at a ass and not want to spank it?

 

[WriterDom]

I like spanking- Butt why?

 

[serijules]

I like spanking because it's a release. A reason to release emotions that may otherwise feel silly to let out. A way to force some of those pent up feelings and desires and emotions out. Sometimes you have to use a little force with some of those stubborn old emotions. Spanking does that well for me.

Sometimes it does the opposite. It allows me to focus on something physical and not all that emotional crap banging around in my brain. It's hard to ignore the pain and focus on anything else at times, so it can both help me release, and help distract me for awhile. Just depends on what I need in that moment.

You don't need a reason to like spanking.

 

[WriterDom]

You should be happy he spanks you at all. There are many with partners who want NOTHING to do with anything bdsm related. Not just women either, but a lot of men. For a while we'd get one thread a month from some unhappy sub.

 

[FurryFury]

How can you look at a ass and not want to spank it?

I can't.

Fury

 

[raven2]

I can't.

Fury

and you have such a nice ass. Just right for spanking and..........

 

[alice_underneath]

How can you look at a ass and not want to spank it?

The idea of spanking arouses me - but only from the receiving end.

In contemplating a response to your question, I am imagining a guy bent over my lap...... kneeling on the bed with his rear-end presented to me..... bent over a desk..... etc.

My reaction to this mental image is extremely negative (from a personal arousal point of view). I mean no disrespect to anyone with these comments, but a guy in a submissive or vulnerable position in my bedroom would really turn me off.

That's my first reason. My second is the fact that I am just not comfortable administering pain.

I'm sorry if that sounds narrow-minded or unadventurous, but that's just the way I am.

I suppose I could imagine a situation in which we were intimate in the missionary position, and a guy told me to start smacking his rear end. But he would have to be very aggressive & commanding in his words/tone/etc. in order to overcome the negative impact on my arousal of what he was asking me to do.

I don't know if that answers your question, WriterDom. If I think of a better way to explain it, I'll let you know.

Alice