I know why smithpeter is in the hospital

[REDWAVE]

Wicked Eve & Judo were licking each other in a frenzy of passion behind a mulberry bush. Meanwhile, Lauren was showing her behind and booking flights to Amsterdam. I came around the corner with my video cam and started taping the action, but Eve chased after me, beat me with her Assinator, and took my tape away from me (so she could watch it herself later, natch). Then she & Judo got back down to it. karmadog was wagging his tail and barking at the moon (I won't say which moon). smithpeter happened to stumble across the scene, and it was too much for him. He got over-excited, and had to be rushed away to the emergency room. Judo & Eve finally passed out from the multiple orgasms.

Consider this your kinky "Get Well" card, sp. Get well soon.

 

[karmadog]

Judo & Eve finally passed out from the multiple orgasms.

And that's when karmadog (the dirty bastard) whipped out his... camera.

Photos available on EBay, but the bidding was already up around a grand after three minutes. I think SP has a laptop at the hospital.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Damn... they're on to us!

K-dog, about your new sig:
"The office of president is a bastardized thing, half royalty and half democracy, that nobody knows whether to genuflect or spit."
-Jimmy Breslin

 

[WickedEve]

After Red tastes my Assinator on his red rump, he swears undying love for all wicked women.
In the meantime, kdog tries to hump Lauren's B-Hynde, which is a mistake. She turns on him and informs him that she is not his bitch. Poor kdog runs away, with his tail between his legs, which he finds to be very stimulating.
Judo is shocked by my dominating personality and decides to pledge allegiance to Lauren, who is in fact The Goddess of the Wet Pussy.
While red is cowering near a tree, licking wood, Katpurrs comes along and steals the video from me! She swears to show smithpeter, to prove once and for all how sick we are. (after she views it several times, of course. And flows and spews from her sugar walls.)
And if things couldn't get crazier, along comes the sweets! Sweetwood and sweetwife. Sweetwood has brought his kokigami class on a field trip. And if any of the students get out of line, sweetwife is there with the assbrush of discipline... the brush that makes sweetwood smile.

 

[karmadog]

OK, it's true. I ran, but I didn't run far. Eve, you know you can't run very far with a stimulating tail between your legs...

So I sat down behind a tree and licked myself.

Could somebody rub that crick out of my neck?


Aside to Lauren re: "The office of president is a bastardized thing, half royalty and half democracy, that nobody knows whether to genuflect or spit."
-Jimmy Breslin

When in doubt, do both.

Genuflection involves the middle finger somehow, doesn't it?

 

[REDWAVE]

Politics?

Tsk, tsk, now you guys have to go and get political. I've never been known to do that myself.


After I got tired of licking wood, I wandered over to Sweetwood's kokigami class, where Sweetwife tied my dick up in knots. After I howled in pain for several hours, Sweetwood made up for it by teaching me the mystical art of pussigami, whereby a vagina can be folded up and made to disappear into four-dimensional space. I went out in search of Wicked Eve, to get my revenge upon that wanton, wily woman.


More to come later . . .

 

[WickedEve]

As the perverts turn...

Redwave finds me hiding in a neatly trimmed bush, but before he can pounce I unleash my wrath. I spread my legs wide and shoot laser beams from my vaginator. But I miss his red ass, and hit smithpeter who has returned to see what all he's missed. KatPurrs, holding the stolen video tape, and with suspiciously damp thighs, throws herself on top of smithpeter. She spreads her legs widely, willing to accept the full force of my vagibeams, just to save smithpeter!
Sweetwood, who is receiving a vigorous assbrushing, hears Kat's moans. Before I know what's happening, Sweetwood grabs me and performs pussigami like a true Master! My vagina is folded up and disappears into four-dimensional space, saving Kat from further pleasure... I mean pain.

But I wonder what's happening with Judo and Lauren? Where's Kdog and his stimulating tail? Will smithpeter marry katpurrs since she saved his life? Will Red fall in love with sweetwoody for pussigaming Wicked Eve? Will Kat go to the 4th dimension in search of my vaginator? Will Wicked Eve reveal all her secrets to the kokigami class? Will sweetwife assbrush all of us?

 

[REDWAVE]

In search of the lost pussy . . .

Back at the ranch, daughter and Killer Muffin were arguing over the proper placement of a semicolon. The discussion became quite heated, and daughter jumped up and slapped the Muffster. They then began pulling out each other's hair and rolling around on the floor. This might have gone on forever, but daughter (who was somewhat telepathic) heard Eve's pussy calling to her.

"Zawadi!" An unearthly moaning sound. "Rescue me from this dimensional oblivion, and return me to my rightful owner."

daughter released her chokehold from around Killer Muffin's neck, and strutted off to rescue Wicked Eve's pussy. Who knew what bizarre distortions and permutations it might be subjected to in the fourth dimension (hinted darkly of by mystics and sages)?

Over in the bushes, Kat Purrs decides to give smithpeter some personal nursing. karmadog is spinning around, busily chasing his tail while counting his earnings on E-bay. But who is that mysterious figure lurking on the other side of the graveyard?

 

[WickedEve]

Could the mysterious figure be U.P.? No one knows what he looks likes, though we all have our own images of him in our minds. Redwave sees a man with a tyrannical expression on his face. Judo sees him as resembling Frankie Avalon on a surf board. And I've always pictured him as a lovable old fart. Yes, that must be U.P. walking through the grave yard with a dirty spade in his hand. Has he been digging?
Oh God! Someone get karmadog! He's digging up bones!
Daughter stumbles along as night approaches, tripping over "nurse" Kat and her patient. Daughter is strangely aroused when she hears smithpeter beg to rub butter on Kat's elbows and spin her around by her nose. But before daughter can analyze these feelings, the wicked vaginator pops out of her pocket and leaps onto sp, latching onto his face. Just then KillerMuffin appears on the scene and starts firing at the lethal pussy!

continued...

 

[karmadog]

Wait a minute!

Get away from those elbows, SP! That's my fetish dammit! I think the ass brush might could be shared, but it's not my call. But ELBOWS! I love 'em.

Out of curiosity, does anybody else love elbows?

 

[KatPurrs]

The chaos continues...

Kat, scared shitless of gunfire, decides to flee the scene. No sense even trying to save sp since she hears him, the fickle man, moan in delight at the face fucking he's getting say, "Oh baby, vaggie! Yeah, fuck my face! Give it to me momma!"

Kat rises, is on all fours, buttered elbows exposed. But she can't move! K-dog has pounced on her, humping one elbow while he licks the other. Now Kat's sandwiched between K-dog and sp....the gunfire continues......

 

[The Poets]

by Wicked Eve, who forgot to sign out! lol

smithpeter, now hopelessly attached to the disembodied pussy, is beyond help.
Katpurrs, trying to flee, slips on her greasy elbows, and trips over Lauren and Judo. Judo screams, "Threesome!" Judo and Lauren try to pull kat away from kdog, but once kdog's humping frenzy starts there's no stopping that Bad Dawg!
The sweets, wood and wife, have folded their class together and called UPS to pick them up. The truck arrives, and out bounds a guy in cut-off brown shorts. Sweetwood hands him the folded class and sweetwife assbrushes him before sending him on his way.
In the meantime, Redwave is skipping through the graveyard, ducking behind headstones, trying to get a peek at the mysterious man that may be U.P. But before he can get closer, daughter does a crouching tiger hidden dragon move and flies over the stones, landing on the mystery man, shielding his identity!
"Double Drat!" Redwave hisses.
KillerMuffin, now out of ammo, leaps onto the vaginator and rips it off smithpeter's happy face! Killer hurls the wicked vagina into the air, and it lands into a freshly dug hole! Is this the hole the mystery man dug? Or is this the work of kdog? Will Wicked Eve ever find her pussy and return it to its place between her legs? Will smithpeter ever feel the awesome power of the vaginator again? Will Red have a hissy fit? Will buttered Kat slip away from all this insanity? Will daughter ride the mystery man through the graveyard? Will Judo and Lauren be victorious over the horny kdog? Will killerMuffin catch the UPS truck in time to get a ride home?!!

 

[REDWAVE]

Conclusion

Questions, questions. But are there any answers?

Killer Muffin fires wildly from a moving UPS truck, grazing karmadog and throwing him forward, causing his elbow to become lodged in Kat Purrs' derriere. Redwave trips over his own feet, stumbles, and falls into the new hole, whereupon Wicked Eve begins shoveling dirt all over him.

"We will bury you!" raves Eve, pounding her fist on a table.

Lauren, Judo, and the vaginator are having a threesome. They take turns licking each other and the disembodied pussy, then Judo sticks her head up with a quizzical air.

"Tell me, Lauren, if mutual oral sex is called 69'ing, what would mutual analingus be called? 96'ing?"

"Well, Judo, that's a very deep question requiring extensive study and analysis. First, you have to read Kant, Wittgenstein, and Hegel, then do a thorough study of modern Portuguese literature (of course), before you can even begin to intelligently answer that question."

Bowing to Lauren's superior wisdom, Judo says: "I thought as much. O well--" mischevious smile-- "I'd rather just eat pussy, anyway."

smithpeter tried to take his medications, but daughter knocked them out of his hands, insisting that he conjugate several irregular verbs in the pluperfect first. KM was still shooting at everybody randomly, while Sweetwood & wife were wielding the assbrush maniacally. A wild melee occurred.

Finally, to the tinkling of harps and the choiring of angel voices, the Unmasked Poet descended from the heavens, standing upon a cloud. He came to rest gently on earth, and then began to expound at length upon the art and craft of poetry. Soon, all the assembled poets felt a pleasing somnolence spread throughout their limbs, as they began drifting off to sleep. Even the fourth dimension became so bored that it relaxed its grip on Eve's pussy. It popped into the three-dimensional world, bounced on the ground, and landed in Eve's lap, fusing with her once again. Once the last of the poets had fallen asleep, UP stopped talking and shook his head wistfully. Slowly, he removed the mask from his face, revealing himself to be . . . [Here the manuscript breaks off.]

THE END

(or is it?)

 

[WickedEve]

What an ending!

Red, you're warped, twisted, and demented! The kind of guy I like!