I know nothing except my fantasies

[cravnsub]

I have read most of the threads here but nothing seems to answer my questions. I have fantisized about being a sub for as long as I can remember and really wish to take my fantasies into the real world. I really don't think i can handle the slave role but am always open to any possibility. What I really want to know is how did you know that your fantasy was in fact what you really wished for? I was married for several years to a man who was not very adventurous or sexual and i always wanted something more. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you in advance

 

[unregistered]

 

[FurryFury]

That's good advice IMO. Try things, find a local group, include your partner via two way communication as much as possible.

 

[egoservitium]

Great advice from industrial_Bondage.

I came to it by an odd couple of chance happenings several years apart.

An old girlfriend told me that she liked being tied and spanked. We tried it, but I was green and wasn't good at it. It ended, and several years later I got married to a very different type of woman.

My wife was into very vanilla sex. Very predictable, vanilla, and now nonexistent. I love her still, and love my life with her. But even before the sex went away completely the rote nature of our sex life had me open to other opportunities.

I was in my late twenties and in college when I met a girl who was eight years younger than me, and I don't even know what brought it up, but we were talking about ourselves and sex came up. I was bored and she couldn't get her guy to spank her. We embarked on a five year affair that consisted mostly of me spanking her and her blowing me. My previous experience helped a lot.

We spiced it up with some different stuff from time to time, but we rarely had time enough to really play, and we were both attached to other people, and then we both had new kids, and then she left her boyfriend for hitting her (the wrong kind of hitting), and then she found a guy who tripped all her tumblers and she didn't need me anymore.

I have had a couple more since then, never as long or as D/s S/m oriented as her, but always with an element of that, or what would be the point?

If I wanted to just get off, I have a good pair of hand that will never talk to my wife about the things we do together I am currently in search of a new girl to swap stress relief with. But again...if it's not the right flavor of stress relief, then I won't risk it.

If we lived near enough I would be happy to help you discover if this is your thing for real or not.

My advice is to find a guy who likes blow jobs and give him a few. (this will be the easy part). Then ask for what you want.

Good luck.

ES :caning:

 

[cravnsub]

Thank you everyone for you kind words. Your point about fantasy not translating to reality is a good one. In my case i am pretty sure i would at least get into the control perhaps not the hardcore aspect but as I said i am open to trying anything once. looking forward to more

 

[SweetErika]

I agree that your local scene and events like munches are a great place to start.

At some point, you might consider finding an experienced Top who enjoys doing the things you're interested in and seeing if some of the fantasy translates. For that, I'd suggest asking other experienced players if they know of any Tops who are into and skilled at the things you want to try. Then talk to said Top(s) and negotiate the scene from there. In my local community, experienced players are well aware of the Tops who are really skilled in different areas, and most of the more experienced Tops I've met are perfectly happy to provide references.

I don't know where you are or what your local scene is like, but tasting parties are a fantastic way to try new things in my area. Basically, there are different stations (spanking, flogging, caning, whipping, bondage, light suspension, sensation play, wax, fire, needles, etc.) run by experienced Tops, and people can go around and get short (5-15 minute?) demos/tastes of the things they're interested in. I've found it to be a very safe, comfortable, fun way to try new activities - especially ones I want to learn, or am not quite sure, about.

 

[WickedEve]

I have fantisized about being a sub for as long as I can remember and really wish to take my fantasies into the real world.

And you should take them into the real world. You received wonderful advice in this thread. The only thing I can offer is my personal experience. I spent eight years in a long distance relationship. During those years, I was either married or he was, so we only got together in person twice, which totaled about six brief days.
We shared many fantasies and I did many activities on my own, like over the phone, etc. I felt like I was in a "real" bdsm relationship and, in a way, I was. Now I've been in a real/in-the-flesh relationship for about a year and a half. It is different. Fantasies and talking about them gives you some major clues to what you want but doesn't quite prepare you for the real thing. The real thing is bruised, tied up, and very satisfying. So good luck to you and I hope it all works out well.

 

[eastern sun]

I agree. There is excellent advice in this thread. I have only one piece more to offer.

Don't feel like you have to be hard core to be real. Be true to your limits. Know them. And, only test them when you're really comfortable with your partner.

Otherwise, you can end up in over your head.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

What I really want to know is how did you know that your fantasy was in fact what you really wished for?

I think that these things only become chicken and egg conundrums if you overthink them. Some things you just know about yourself. I know I would hate skydiving, other people know they'd love it and go leaping out of planes. I knew I would like BDSM and unlike skydiving, you can take things entirely at your own pace. There's no shame in trying something on for size and deciding that it doesn't suit you. You only need to delve as far as your interest takes you.

 

[Harmony_1985]

I have read most of the threads here but nothing seems to answer my questions. I have fantisized about being a sub for as long as I can remember and really wish to take my fantasies into the real world. I really don't think i can handle the slave role but am always open to any possibility. What I really want to know is how did you know that your fantasy was in fact what you really wished for? I was married for several years to a man who was not very adventurous or sexual and i always wanted something more. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you in advance

Sir and I were discussing the differences between M/s and D/s last time we met, and as far as I'm concerned, slave is too extreme for me, and he agreed. He doesn't think slave would suit me too well, but submissive suits me nicely.

The best way to experience BDSM is to find a local munch. I went to my first one just over a week ago, and I learnt so much its unreal. Sir (who organises it) taught me lots of things I didn't know, and gave me loads of reading material, including several check lists from websites so that we can find out what I'm willing to do and what I'm not willing to do. Not to mention the safety aspects were the first thing discussed lol.

And what Velvet said is true too. Sir and I have discussed what we're going to do, and we've both agreed to take it slowly. He told me that he prefers to take it slower, and I've said that I want to take it slowly because I don't want to overwhelm myself.