I know I'll regret this, but...

[Jada59]

My newest story is my lowest rated yet. I know it's short and I prefer short but... Do you see any glaring errors in it? I just don't get it because I'm getting good feedback in the form of PMs.

https://www.literotica.com/s/bowling-alley-2

 

[SisterJezabel]

I found it a little confusing- lots of unnecessary fillers for such a short story- crock pots and salads and who lived where and what not. I wasn't expecting a first time story, especially with it being in EC either- perhaps it might have done better in first time with fewer stories published in FT it might have attracted more traction? I will admit I got lost when she talked about him being a FWB and then talked about being a virgin.

 

[8letters]

The writing was fine. Yes, the story is short, but that doesn't explain fully the low rating. My guess is that the premise of the story didn't appeal to EC readers. I'm not familiar with EC, so are they open to story where the women has sex with two guys? Maybe it would have done better in Group Sex?

Some thoughts:
* The story started slow with a lot of unrelated characters and background. I couldn't see where the story was going for a while. But it wasn't that long and gave the action a setting
* We get into Joe asking the narrator to wear a yellow dress and then everyone at Maria's is going along with something. But it wasn't clear to me what everyone was going along with
* They have a light dinner at the bowling alley, and then Joe is eating her pussy while Sam is pushing his cock against her ass and feeling her tits. To me, it was a very fast jump to sex. However, that may be normal for EC
* I would have liked a lot more description of what the narrator was thinking and feeling. I would have preferred more of a build up of erotic tension leading up to them having sex. In my stories, sex solves the central conflict of the story. I didn't see any conflict in your story or see how the sex changed anything

 

[NotWise]

It might not be anything at all about your story. Sometimes the results from EC seem almost random. If your story wasn't near the top of the hub, or if there was a more popular story up at the same time then you might not get much response, and the response you get might be unsatisfying.

But you're familiar with EC.

If I were to pick anything in the story, then I think the number of asides and details you go through before getting to the sex may have put some readers off.

 

[SimonDoom]

The story deserves a better score than it has. The writing style certainly merits a higher score. It's possible that there are simply some troll votes that haven't been swept yet.

The story is a bit short, and short stories tend not to do as well.

I would second what 8Letters said about the story's lack of focus. It's impossible to tell early on where the story is going. I don't have a clear picture of the narrator's motivation or conflict. The sex just happens, as opposed to being the climax of a clear story.

Given the caliber of the writing style, I think with a tighter focus this story could do quite well.

 

[KeithD]

The writing and technicals were fine. As others have noted, a lot of extraneous stuff was tossed in that distracts what would be a very short piece if they were taken out. I see no reason why it shouldn't be scoring higher. Also, for me, though, it seemed to be awfully "young" in perspective for this site.

 

[Jada59]

I found it a little confusing- lots of unnecessary fillers for such a short story- crock pots and salads and who lived where and what not. I wasn't expecting a first time story, especially with it being in EC either- perhaps it might have done better in first time with fewer stories published in FT it might have attracted more traction? I will admit I got lost when she talked about him being a FWB and then talked about being a virgin.

Oops. Sorry. Joe was the FWB. Sam was the virgin. Maybe I put it in the wrong category. Wasn't sure where to put it.

Thanks!

 

[Jada59]

The writing was fine. Yes, the story is short, but that doesn't explain fully the low rating. My guess is that the premise of the story didn't appeal to EC readers. I'm not familiar with EC, so are they open to story where the women has sex with two guys? Maybe it would have done better in Group Sex?

Some thoughts:
* The story started slow with a lot of unrelated characters and background. I couldn't see where the story was going for a while. But it wasn't that long and gave the action a setting
* We get into Joe asking the narrator to wear a yellow dress and then everyone at Maria's is going along with something. But it wasn't clear to me what everyone was going along with
* They have a light dinner at the bowling alley, and then Joe is eating her pussy while Sam is pushing his cock against her ass and feeling her tits. To me, it was a very fast jump to sex. However, that may be normal for EC
* I would have liked a lot more description of what the narrator was thinking and feeling. I would have preferred more of a build up of erotic tension leading up to them having sex. In my stories, sex solves the central conflict of the story. I didn't see any conflict in your story or see how the sex changed anything

Thanks! Perhaps I picked the wrong category. I wasn't sure about group sex because we weren't all having sex at the same time. The number are still going down. At this rate it will dip to 3.0.

 

[Jada59]

The story deserves a better score than it has. The writing style certainly merits a higher score. It's possible that there are simply some troll votes that haven't been swept yet.

The story is a bit short, and short stories tend not to do as well.

I would second what 8Letters said about the story's lack of focus. It's impossible to tell early on where the story is going. I don't have a clear picture of the narrator's motivation or conflict. The sex just happens, as opposed to being the climax of a clear story.

Given the caliber of the writing style, I think with a tighter focus this story could do quite well.

Thank you!

 

[Jada59]

The writing and technicals were fine. As others have noted, a lot of extraneous stuff was tossed in that distracts what would be a very short piece if they were taken out. I see no reason why it shouldn't be scoring higher. Also, for me, though, it seemed to be awfully "young" in perspective for this site.

Thanks! Thing is, right now I am having trouble focusing on the here and now because of this pandemic. So I was brought back to a past time. I guess some details were clear in my mind but I didn't express them well. I guess I thought it might stir up some past memories for others. At least I know it did for one person who knew which bowling alley it was.