I knew he was too perfect...

[Patryn]

What to do, what to do? The new guy I'm seeing is handsome, courteous, educated, sensitive and funny. He's absolutely perfect....except for one little thing. He chews snuff. Now, while this isn't enough of an issue for me to stop seeing him, it is repulsive as hell. I really don't have much of a retort though, because I smoke.

I don't care if he does it, but I'd sooner he didn't do it around me. This may pose a problem if our relationship progresses. Right now, we usually have lunch together one or two days during the week, and go out on Saturday or Sunday night.

How do I bring this up so I don't completely piss him off? Do have even have a right to bring it up since I'm a smoker?

 

[April]

Is that the same thing as chewing tobacco? That's really gross!

Heck yeah, bring it up. But in a non-confrontational way. If you don't at least ask him about it, it's gonna bug you in a major way. Who knows, maybe he might be willing to quit. You'll never know if you don't ask.

 

[Randyrandy]

Get over it. You don't have a word to say if you smoke!

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Up the ante -

Start smoking (all the time around him) the most nasty, vulgar cigars you can buy - eat garlicky foods right before you get close to him - chew gum and blow bubbles when he speaks - quite bathing for a while - don't trim "down there" for a while - dress sloppy around him, or outrageously - what ever it takes for him to ask you about it - then you tell him - "It's all about your snuff!"

 

[Bliss]

Balls! She has everything to say! This isn't a stranger she's discussing, it's someone she really, really digs. If he has repulsive, harmful habits, she has every right to be concerned and to discuss it with him.

He's an educated man. I'll bet he's read or seen the health studies on how much more damage "dipping" can cause than smoking. He doesn't deserve to have jaw cancer just because Patryn smokes and is hesitant to say anything.

But darling Patryn, men can be stubborn. He might want you to give up the smokes if he gives up the chew. Wishing you both boxes and boxes of Nicoderm.

Best Wishes!

 

[KillerMuffin]

Talk to him. Open communication works wonders. You might find that he doesn't care for your smoking. "I like this woman, but she smokes... I don't know what to do!" kind of deal.

Snuff is a very hard habit to live with because its always inside the mouth, no matter how they clean their mouths out, they can't get it all.

Maybe the two of you can find a way to quit together, sort of a couple activity. You have to be willing to compromise as well.

Ignore Sportin Crabcakes, that has to be the WORST advice I've ever heard.

 

[Patryn]

Yeah, I pretty much disregarded Sparkoid's advice...not only would he dump me, and I couldn't blame him, it's blowing things just a tad out of proportion. Since we haven't been seeing each other that long, I think "That's awful, quit chewing or it's over" would also be a bit much. I was thinking more along the lines of saying that I'd been wanting to quit smoking, and maybe we could kick our respective habits together. Tactful, points out that fact that I don't have a double standard, yet gets the point across.

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

You are right my dear.

Since you have not been with him very long - but instead of quitting together or as a further option - you could trade habits for a day. You dip snuff and he smokes. If neither of you like the other's habit - then hey - that's a good way to quit. It's a good "reason" to quit - the reason being you both realize that your habits suck.

 

[wolfie69]

Just talk to him.... if you can't talk about this how will you be able to talk about other things that come up...?????????

or!!!!!!!!! you could quit smoking if he quit dipping?

 

[Always]

Offer him a deal!

Explain your feelings and tell him that if he stops chewing, you'll stop smoking. Better for both of you!!

 

[Siren]

GOOD POINT WOLFIE

 

[Ezzy]

Hi Siren off topic

I'm not. LMAO!

EZ http://smilecwm.tripod.com/cwm2/sleep.gif

ps well Ok I did in this case.

 

[Skitten]

If it is a real bother to you I would suggest that you talk to him. He might be willing to at least calm it down some when you guys are together.

After all if you are in any kind of a relationship it is a give and take and if he is willing maybe you could curve the smoking down too.

I highly recommend discussing it with him, and meet him half way that way it doesn't make you sound pushy or overbearing.

 

[Patryn]

Oh, I'm not saying I'm uncomfortable talking to him, I just think it's a little early in the relationship to be making outright demands. That why I thought, as of now, a little gentle prodding would be better.

And as far as burping, etc...that's something every human does, without choice. You politely excuse yourself and move on. Not everyone chews or smokes as part of their biology.

 

[Sammyjo]

Just remind him of all the people who have lost their tongues, decayed their teeth and gums, etc...in fact, find some horrific pics of mouth cancer, that might help.

Honestly, no one is going to quit doing something unless THEY want to. If you pressure him, he'll either lose you or lose the habit. Sounds like good odds, but it can turn nasty. People who quit doing things for other people and not for themselves may come to all sorts of conclusions. They can become disgruntled, they can start getting angry at the other person for "making them quit", they can just as easily start again...because maybe they didn't want to quit in the first place.

Disgusting as this habit is, it's just like drinking or smoking, doing drugs, etc. The person has to quit for themselves, to make their life better. That's not to say that you shouldn't voice your concerns...voice away, just know where to draw the line between concern and nagging.

Sammy