I Keep A Troll As A Pet

[lustychimera]

Crikey! Fair Dinkum? she will defo go crook on me when she sees my list of ailments. She's got some hard yakka ahead of her!*

*Translation available upon request

Love this!

Okay elevator pitch: An Aussie and a Scot are shipwrecked on an island together. Slowly, they learn to communicate with a series of hand signs and by, oddly enough, tapping on coconut trees with a stick.

 

[Rustyoznail]

Truer than you think. A couple of mates went to Japan and stayed for a month. Most English speakers couldn't understand the Aussie accent, so they had to fake an American one. Conversely, if they wanted to make sure no one knew what they were saying, they'd put on a thick Scottish brogue.

 

[RachelWalsh]

Inspired by a true story:


I keep a troll as a pet

He’s really super keen

To try to make young girls upset

He can be rather mean



I keep a troll as a pet

He’a sometimes quite a bore

Even though we’ve never met

He thinks that I’m a whore



I keep a troll as a pet

He really can’t get laid

Sadly there is no girl who will let

Him fuck them, even paid



I keep a troll as a pet

His cock is rather small

In fact I’d happily take a bet

It’s hardly there at all



I keep a troll as a pet

He has such a big belly

He doesn’t get his body wet

So he’s always rather smelly



I keep a troll as a pet

He doesn’t much like women

Except for Charurbate, which gets

Him staining all his linen



I keep a troll as a pet

Though he can be quite a jerk

He gets himself in such a sweat

Down voting all my work



I keep a troll as a pet

Despite the fact he’s dumb

He isn’t really any threat

He still sucks on his thumb



I keep a troll as a pet

I try to treat him kind

I live of course, lest I forget

Rent free in his mind



I keep a troll as a pet

He’s actually kinda sweet

The only thing that I regret

We’ll never get to meet

Hun. Very cute and clever- I guess rather typical. Lol

 

[oneagainst]

Not wrong. She'll be flat out like a lizard drinking.

Or she'll go off like a frog in a sock

 

[Duleigh]

Or she'll go off like a frog in a sock

I never ran into that one before!
*adds "frog in a sock" to collection*
I had gathered up so much Aussie slang for Enchantress that I just had to use some

 

[ChloeTzang]

Yeah, A certain female oriental, half anyway, writer left a troll in the basement of my cafe for a while. It took years to get the stink out.

LOL. A humbly apologize, Tex. I did leave a pallet of deodorant with Xander, plus some soap and instructions on how to shower and clean his teeth, but I guess he was to busy writing those "Hello, I am a Nigerian Princess who has inherited two hundred million dollars in oil bonds and I need some assistance...." emails. Xander hasn't been on touch with me since that April Fools Day so long ago. I can only hope another bounty hunter didn't get him, because he was rather sweet for a troll.

Or she'll go off like a frog in a sock

I gotta remember THAT one!!!!!!

Crikey! Fair Dinkum? she will defo go crook on me when she sees my list of ailments. She's got some hard yakka ahead of her!*

*Translation available upon request

Yeah, nah, defo no worries, mate. Couple of aspirin, a few beers, half dozen Bundaberg chasers, a strip show and a kick in the ass and you'll be right as rain.

 

[Rustyoznail]

Bloody hell Chlo, it's a Bundy chaser, not Bundaberg.

 

[Duleigh]

I thought everyone knew that
*adds "Bundy Chaser" to collection*

 

[EmilyMiller]

How do you deal with a persistent infestation of Australians?

Em

 

[TxRad]

Vegemite on toast. For them, not you.

 

[Duleigh]

 

[EmilyMiller]

Vegemite on toast. For them, not you.

Is vegemite the same as marmite? I had the latter on toast inflected on me in the UK. At least it gave me a metaphor for how my stories are received here.

Em

 

[Duleigh]

Marmite is lighter and sweeter and does not double as a patch for filling potholes on well traveled roads unlike Vegemite

 

[EmilyMiller]

Marmite is lighter and sweeter and does not double as a patch for filling potholes on well traveled roads unlike Vegemite

Thanks for clarifying .

Em

 

[gunhilltrain]

Truer than you think. A couple of mates went to Japan and stayed for a month. Most English speakers couldn't understand the Aussie accent, so they had to fake an American one. Conversely, if they wanted to make sure no one knew what they were saying, they'd put on a thick Scottish brogue.

I suppose this movie then needs subtitles for an American audience (or even a British one). I know I could barely understand the dialogue in the Trainspotting book, so I stopped reading it.

 

[Duleigh]

I started learning Aussie slang when I was writing fanfic for the Farscape fans on the Scifi Channel forum and there were a LOT of Aussies on that forum, nearly the entire town of Adelaide was on there it seemed. I normally wrote under the nom de plum PKAmmoTroop but for my really goofy stuff I wrote under the name Bonzer Root. (look it up, I dare you. I may use that again when I go on the hunt for trolls)

In one story I gave the Big Bad Guy from Farscape, Scorpius, a case of Australius Nervosa and he could only speak in Australian Slang and I tortured an already tortured language. My Aussie readers loved it and they translated from Oz to 'merican for the rest of the forum readers.

 

[oneagainst]

I started learning Aussie slang when I was writing fanfic for the Farscape fans on the Scifi Channel forum and there were a LOT of Aussies on that forum, nearly the entire town of Adelaide was on there it seemed. I normally wrote under the nom de plum PKAmmoTroop but for my really goofy stuff I wrote under the name Bonzer Root. (look it up, I dare you. I may use that again when I go on the hunt for trolls)

In one story I gave the Big Bad Guy from Farscape, Scorpius, a case of Australius Nervosa and he could only speak in Australian Slang and I tortured an already tortured language. My Aussie readers loved it and they translated from Oz to 'merican for the rest of the forum readers.

It's the only English dialect I've come across where cunt is a term of affection, as in cheering up a mate with "No worries, she'll be apples, cunt"

 

[oneagainst]

How do you deal with a persistent infestation of Australians?

Em

We're a lot like the unofficial Australian national animal, the cane toad. Likes puddles, will go anywhere. Unfazed by mountains or deserts or urban infrastructure. The only place they haven't gone is Perth, but maybe that was a choice.

 

[Rustyoznail]

As to why Aussies are fond of Vegemite, well, it's made from leftover brewers yeast after fermentation.

 

[gunhilltrain]

It's the only English dialect I've come across where cunt is a term of affection, as in cheering up a mate with "No worries, she'll be apples, cunt"

It could be a term of affection when applied to women in certain circumstances. "You have a very pretty (or tasty, or nice) cunt," is okay. That's about the body part only. If applied to the entire person, as in, "Stop being such a cunt," or "She's a real nasty cunt," then that is an insult.

 

[Duleigh]

It's the only English dialect I've come across where cunt is a term of affection, as in cheering up a mate with "No worries, she'll be apples, cunt"

I try to avoid the affectionate c-word, but we in the US shouldn't be surprised at that. Here a playful word for butt is "fanny." When teasing a small child it's not unusual to say, "I'm going to spank your sassy fanny."

People from other English speaking lands will hear that and shriek in horror that anyone would be so caustic to say that to a child!

 

[KeithD]

"Fanny" for "butt" is fully understood in the United States, I think--at least everywhere I've been.

 

[Rustyoznail]

I think Glaswegians use cunt more liberally than we do.

Now dickhead, that gets regular use.

 

[Duleigh]

"Fanny" for "butt" is fully understood in the United States, I think--at least everywhere I've been.

I don't remember if it's England or Australia that the term Fanny = cunt (Not the affectionate Australian kind), I was chewed out on a SciFi board for mentioning "Fanny Packs"

 

[EmilyMiller]

I don’t like the word cunt much, I’m not entirely sure why. I used it a bit in my earlier work as I thought I was getting repetitive with pussy/vulva/vagina (BTW there is a difference between the last two). I tried to purge it, but keep coming across stray usages. I think it’s kinda ugly.

Em