I just want to share this with you all...

[Vivacia]

Ok - so I know I didn't write it but I came across it while looking for a kitten online, I liked it alot and wanted to share it with you all...

Hope you like it as much as I did.

"Prayer Of A Stray"

Dear God please send me somebody who'll care!
I'm tired of running, I'm sick with despair.
My body is aching, it's so racked with pain.
And Dear God I pray as I run in the rain,
"That someone will love me and give me a home.
A warm cozy bed I can call my own
My last owner neglected me and chased me away
To rummage in garbage and live as a stray.
But now God I'm tired and hungry and cold.
And I'm afraid that I'll never grow old.
They've chased me with sticks and hit me with stones
While I run in the streets just looking for bones!
I'm not really bad God, please help if you can.
For I have become just a "VICTIM OF MAN!"
I'm wormy Dear God and I'm ridden with fleas and
All that I want is an owner to please!
If you find one for me God, I'll try to be good
I won't run away and I'll do as I should.
I don't think I'll make it to long on my own,
Cause I'm getting so weak and I'm so all alone.
Each night as I sleep in the bushes I cry,
Cause I'm so afraid God, that I'm gonna die!
And I've got so much love and devotion to give,
That I should be given a new chance to live.
So Dear God PLEASE, PLEASE answer my prayer
And send me somebody who WILL really care...

Adapted from John Quealy Prayer of a Stray

 

[KatPurrs]

Cat Puke

Sorry, it makes this Kat sick.

Edited for clarification:

I've been asked in a PM why I hated this poem. I have a feeling the person who asked, hates it as well but just so you know why I hate it and why it makes me sick, I'll explain.

It's NOT because it made me sad. I didn't feel sick because of some heart wrenching reason or pity for the cat.

The poem made me wanna puke! It was horrid! Number one,
a cat that talks to god? oh puhlease! It's bad enough when humans say they do. The rhyming scheme sucked. The premise sucked. The spelling sucked.

Add to this the fact that I am an atheist and it is clear why I hate this poem.

Now, flame away. I couldn't care less. If it works for others, that's fine. It's like religion. Some people need it. I don't. And I don't think we need poetry like this at Lit. But! That's my humble opinion and this is, after all, an open forum. No offense, Vi.

Kat~

 

[smithpeter]

name in vain blame game

may God bless you KP,
she didn't like it either,

 

[Elda Furry]

KatPurrs, I'm sure lots of cat lovers were weeping when they read this. I'm a cat lover... but this poem didn't do it for me. I don't like the content. It sounds like a teenager wrote it.
"I'm wormy Dear God and I'm ridden with fleas"
sigh...
My hubby would like this poem. lol He gets these stupid things in his email from friends. I think they're "friendship pages." They're really corny, but some people are into that.
Vivacia, I read your one poem, and I see why you like this poem. I believe over time you'll grow in your writing, and you'll eventually look back at this cat poem and realize it's not very good.

Elda Furry

 

[KatPurrs]

Good morning all

Well it's a new day and I have a much better 'tude. LOL.
But I still hate that sucky poem.

sp,

Love your new av! And LOL about your post! The next time you talk to "Her" give her my regards. If she happens to drop down and pay us all a visit, I'll be the first to break both legs dropping to my knees in prayer.

EF,

Yeah, I'm sure there were some that got weepy. I think it's sweet that your hubby would like it. Nothin' like a sensitive, new age guy......

Vivacia,

I neglected to thank you just the same. It was thoughtful of you when you found something you really liked and felt the need to share, to take the time and make the effort to follow your heart. Thank you. You are, I'm sure, a very sweet, and sensitive lady.
Our tastes just vary, that's all. It's what makes the world go 'round, they say, to be cliche. My gawd, I rhymed! LOL

Kat~

 

[Vivacia]

I am sorry that you didn't like it! I realize that there are many forms of poetry - not all are to everyone’s tastes, that’s fine - like I said I found it and liked it maybe it is just because I am one of those owners that "says what they(cats) do".

I am not a religious nut either as it happens, it was more the sentiment of the poem that appealed to me. I am not (I will confess) a great poetry lover - I have never been able to write it well (those that have read my poem on here will no doubt readily agree with me on that) but I am what a lot of you would probably class as a "sucker", I too get hundreds of those "friendship pages" and yes, am guilty of sending them too - why? - because I think they are cute, not because they are all works of perfection.

In defense of my rather feeble effort of a poem, it was written (in less then 5mins) for the man I love - it was never meant to be published on here, but he wanted to publish it as a surprise for me for our first anniversary. I knew nothing about it till he brought the page up.

Anyway - sorry again for posting something that obviously isn't liked. Each to their own!

Viv

 

[Elda Furry]

V.

Your poem isn't bad. It's just at a certain level. I believe as your writing grows that your taste in what you read will change.

 

[HomerPindar]

Ok, I didn't hate this poem... Then again, I still don't hate my cheating ex-girlfriend, so hate is a little hard to get going in me

I do, though, find plenty of faults with this here poem. As I do feel that well delivered work better inhances the works affect, I thought I'd point out some flaws. Ok, that, and the drill sargent thingy is still gnawing at me off and on...

"Prayer Of A Stray"

Dear God please send me somebody who'll care!
I'm tired of running, I'm sick with despair.
My body is aching, it's so racked with pain.

"racked" verb to torture on, or as if on a rack...torment. Ok, I was right, this does sound redundant. If you had been "racked" you'd already be in pain... wrack on the otherhand -- misery, total destruction -- would be a better choice.

And Dear God I pray as I run in the rain,
"That someone will love me and give me a home.
A warm cozy bed I can call my own
My last owner neglected me and chased me away
To rummage in garbage and live as a stray.
But now God I'm tired and hungry and cold.
And I'm afraid that I'll never grow old.

Ok, that last line is off, the meter or length in comparrison to the proceeding lines just tosses one out of the rythme of the poem.

They've chased me with sticks and hit me with stones
While I run in the streets just looking for bones!
I'm not really bad God, please help if you can.
For I have become just a "VICTIM OF MAN!"
I'm wormy Dear God and I'm ridden with fleas and

As someone pointed out earlier in the thread, this line is just horrible... wormy? And does the speaker beleive God is a vet? (hey, why not?)

EDITED... go read the original
Adapted from John Quealy Prayer of a Stray

The same errors are repeated, break in meter.. oh, drats, there was this one point where the word AND is on the end of the line and it should, for both rhyme and meter reasons, be the first word on the next line. I wanted to point that out...and I guess I just did.

Now, being a Deist, I found no fault with the use of God, or even of cat's talking to God. Heck, according to the Egyptians, they were almost gods themselves. Anyways, the senimentallity is a little thick, it's just too sweet. Perhaps I'm cynical for living alone for so long, but hey, a little less begging and a little more creativity would have gone a long way. Speaking of which, the vocabulary was entirely unimpressive, the imagery dreary (never mind the topic, the construction of scene was uninspired).

Now, Vivacia, I certainly don't want such critisism to be taken as a comment on your preferences. By all means, and please, don't grown to be as cynical as yours truely. But, I do believe that such a sentiment is better presented in a poem well written. Or in prose for that matter. Take, for example, Emily Dickinson on a similar topic of sorrow:

How many times there low feet staggered-
Only the soldered mouth can tell-
Try-can you stir the awful rivet-
Try-can you lift the hasps of steel!

Stroke the cool forehead-hot so often-
Lift-if you care-the listliss hair-
Handle the adamantine fingers
Never a thimble-more-shall wear-

Buzz the dull flies-on the chamber window-
Brave-shines the sun through the freckled pane-
Fearless-the cobweb swings from the ceiling-
Indolent Housewife-in Daisies-lain!

Perhaps you found the prayer for a stray easier to understand? and maybe you don't get all the imagery and word usages put in by E.D. Consider, this is the difference in accepting the taste of fastfood and of aquiring the taste for caviar.

HomerPinar